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Ellie Shelley Jan 2015
JannaLee Perry
She is so amazing but she doesn't know it. I love her to death, and she is my best friend, and I hope she will always be by my side <3
  Jan 2015 Ellie Shelley
Astrid Ember
With all of this resin coating
my lungs I'm surprised
I haven't been charged
with possession.
  Jan 2015 Ellie Shelley
Astrid Ember
My 1 bedroom
apartment with 3 people
living in it is kind of a
metaphor for my heart.
  Jan 2015 Ellie Shelley
Astrid Ember
Your rotting lungs
and your decaying
smile pull me in
like the lassos your
eyes have hooked around
my waist.
Pulling me closer
with your blinks
your chest and
heavy breaths.

Maybe I don't want to
treated like a princess.
Maybe I'm scared of
what I don't know.
I feel safe with him.
And safe isn't a feeling
I'm familiar with.

Maybe I don't want
to be at ease.
Maybe I want to get
into car wrecks,
hold your hand walking
back to our point A
as the sun shined
brighter and we had
a new appreciation for
life.
leaving the scene before
the EMT's showed
you got whip lash and
I got internal bruising.

We shook in our
boots. but just seeing you
I feel more passion
than I feel making
out with him on the couch.

We live in different dimensions.
Empty embraces,
hormonal rides home,
hopped up on dope,
but it's all empty.
And he says he loves me.
But maybe it's just
infatuation, baby.
And....
I wonder what my
touch feels like in
his dimension.

He says he loves me
but it's the kind of love
that never hurt anybody.
this is the same car wreck I wrote about early on xD
the one about how I was happy to be alive or whatever. Ugh.
  Jan 2015 Ellie Shelley
Astrid Ember
When did I lose my
innocence?
Was it when I let
the tab melt and
dissolve on my tongue
as my face went
numb?

Was it when I let
the water bubble
pulled out the bowl
and inhaled?

Or was it when
I rolled up my
first dollar bill?

It might've been you.
When you held me
down and ignored
my no's.

What ever it
is, I still smiled
when I met
you.

Now with alcohol
staining my tongue
and nicotine
rotting in my
teeth, your name
still lives perfectly
in my mouth.
I don't know
what's doing the
worst damage.
You?
Or all these drugs?

All of your toxicity
burning my lips.
Pills churning my stomach.
You are still there.

No matter
what stranger
I kiss
you are
still there.

I've begun to
think, you've
taken my all
and still
unsatisfied
you had to poison
my body.
burn and
monitor my
mouth. watching
to see if I'd
sell you out
for what
you've done
to me.
  Jan 2015 Ellie Shelley
Astrid Ember
You have grown
from the shape of
a mouse you once
were.
No I take that
back.
You were a shadow
puppet of an ant
compared to what you
now are.
And you were still
strong.
Grown into a tigress,
grown into a
mountain lion
grown into
a goddess.
You are a mountain
compared to the dirt
pile you once were.
You tower over me
as the ocean of
my self pity has eroded
me.
I am sorry I have wilted.

I am sorry I
no longer feel
as if lightning runs
through my veins.
I am sorry I have
become a ******.
I am sorry I can't
face the memory of
the past 8 months
of an abusive relationship.
I'm sorry I allowed
him to make my body
his without my permission
and **** my mind
of the beautiful fields
it once held.
I'm sorry my
mind is polluted with
alcohol and smoke.
I'm sorry I am
rotting.

but, Jesus I am not
sorry you tower above me.
You have been rusted,
dipped in acid,
drowned
in all 7 seas
melted in
80,000 lava pits.
And you still tower
50 stories above me.

I am not
sorry that
I have lived.

I have seasons
tattooed into my skin.
I do not regret
losing the innocence
that made me glow.
But I am glad that
in the absence of my
light you have
become the sun.

And oh God. I wouldn't
mind going blind
starring up at you.
Ella Bella. /.\
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