Oh my love...
Oh my sweet, sacred heart...
Come here
Find your rest
Find a peace in Me you have never felt before...
For you are Mine
My Sinner, My Blood has conquered all you fear
You are Mine
You are broken
Weak
And the wings you are trying to fly with
Have been bashed and broken by this harsh world that carves their heartache into your pure heart
My Love
Listen to Me
I have the answers you seek
My Blood is the Saviour you need...
For I am The Prince of Peace
And you will find that insatiable desire in My Word
My Blood
Covers you, my soldier
You are My Warrior
And I need you to fight for Me
As I did for you...
As I bore myself bare for you
On that Cross...
I am your Saviour
Fight for Me in your Land.

My weeping shaking body
I am tired
I am weak
I yearn for better days
And a better life
I yearn for something more
A life I desire to live...
I yearn for so much more than this.

I know I shouldn't say this
I know
I know I shouldn't miss you
I shouldn't want you
I shouldn't think I need you because
I don't
Well that's what I keep on telling myself
You've caused me so much pain
Yet I miss you with such an ache in my heart
And God, God, I know I shouldn't
He's broken me
God, take this out of me
Take it out!
I do not wish to have him again
I do not wish for the hurt he caused me
The way he made me hate every man
And fear to succumb to any man's love
Or comment on my appearance
For the fear he caused in me...
The fear of man taking away that innocence...
God, he was my muse
God, I do not want him to be my muse any longer
God, I want a new muse
God, give me a muse
Give me a passion that will ignite
God, give me a love that I cannot get out of my heart
God help me
God help me
I need a new muse
I need to find my muse in a newfound love
In a high romance
I want a passion
And a crimson heart
That is set on fire
From that romance
God, help me
Help me
Find
My
New
Muse.

The words that hang in the air
Waiting to be said
Waiting to be uttered my lips

I type the three words
Every day
Every week

They hang there on the screen
That line pestering me
Mocking me as it beats there on my ****** phone's screen

Like my heart as it accelerates
As I stare at those black words
On the white screen

You sit there
Like a lazy old drag
On a winter's day

Your smoky silence whisking in the air
Polluting this heart
Soiling my skin

You sit there
You three words
Screaming at me

Pestering me
Muttering my pretence
Hearing every doubt in my heart

You, you three words
You chastise me
Your tantalising flames from that cigarette's blaze

My keyboard knows the words I wish to say
To you, but will I ever muster the courage to say:
'I miss you'

I seek raw passion
And high romance
I seek a performance on the stage
That is no mere pretence
No, no
I seek me
I see her with no limitations
I seek her passion
And her fervent desire for knowledge and passion
God, what has happened to her?
I do not wish for flames and fury
And anguish and despair
Or vigorous words lashing into the air
No, no
I do not seek to succumb to this baffled nature of merely existing
******!
I want to be filled with a burning blaze
I want my voice to beam
And scream out to every ear that wants it to be heard
And even those who lack the desire to hear me
Will hear my mighty roar!
I will fly out and watch their meek faces
I will be filled with passion again
I wish to see her reflecting in that parallel universe
And breathe her breath of life again
She who believes in daisies and magic
And faery power
Of high romance
Who believed in being in love
So ardently and truly
She was blazing
She was purely beautiful
I seek to be her
I seek her blazing fire
I seek
Her Passion and Romance.

I miss her again
******!
She has stifled her voice again
And why?
What has happened to her?

I'm wasting away
I am tired
Oh so tired
And I can not allow myself
To succumb to this exhaustion
This terrible trickery of the mind
I have numbed it!
My head is aching with a burning desire to clench the truth with my bare hands
But I cannot
I cannot
For I am tired of sleepless nights
And restless days
I have stifled her roar once again
And God,
I am tired.

What I adore is your humanity
Your ability to embrace life
With shameless guilt
And profanity
And great cuss words as they spew from your lips
I love your path to sanity which involves indulging in the insane
You are my human
And I adore your human lust.

I do think of you fondly from time to time, my dear
Your broken heart is etched into my heart...
A piece of me will always feel something towards you
Perhaps it is a silent hatred or a soft fondness...
The betrayal will never leave
But a small intricate part of me
Will always feel some emotion for you
And I pray to God you know that
My sweet Art,
You were my very first...
I'm not quite sure what to call what we were, Art
But we were certainly something grand
I could never call you a friend
Perhaps a self-discovery partner in crime?
Your persuasive art of making me fall in love with poetry and passion...
Your poetry carved into my soul.
Today marks the day we met
One year ago
When my soul was brought back to life
By your sweet, subtle touch...
Know this and know it well
I will always feel something for you, my sweet Art.

Humanity is an absolute mess
You work so hard
And they destroy every piece of
The world you love
They destroy your green
They destroy your gardens
They destroy your childhood and your innocence

Today he destroyed my childhood
You took out my fond memories
You tore gashes into my tender skin
You made tears rip from eyes
And drench the pages
In my books

I cried

I could not be strong
When humanity is so vile and wicked
I could not be strong

Drenched in tears
I sit
I weep
I scream
I swear and I cuss
At this humanity
This terrible humanity
That put such a vile taste in my mouth

Humanity
Get out
Humanity
Leave me
Humanity
I detest you

I regret your decisions
Do not tell me
'it will get better'

I hate you Humanity
As you destroy my youth
My innocence
You plagued me with your being

Get out.

Don't ever tell me that I'm
'too young' to be in love
I'm eighteen
I know what's left and right
I've been around the block a few times
I've read enough romance novels
I've watched my fair share of clichés
And I do dare say that I
Elizabeth Burns
Am In Love
What is it when he fills your thoughts constantly
When you watch him
And you're just filled with such love in your heart
What is it
When you just love to see him speak about his family
You love when be gets a crinkle in his eyes
You love when he smirks at you
As you've made a fool of yourself
Trying to be romantic to run and kiss him goodbye
But you bump your head on his car door in doing so
You love him
You love the way he laughs
You love the way he holds you while you're dancing
Your skin is electric when he merely touches your shoulder
Every kiss he gives
Every hug
Every embrace
I love him on his bad days
I love his cracks, his heartache
I love his good days
I love every part of him
I dare say...
This is love
I have many more coincidences to tell
But just for now
I will say
I am in love
And perhaps some will say
Too young.

Wake up and smell the poetry
In the crisp air of this new day
Don't you dare touch that electronic device!
Just wake up!
Fill your lungs with metaphors and figurative language
Breathe in the imagery
Breathe in the life of today
Look outside
And hear the birds singing to you
To hear their songs composed for those who must awaken
Wake up!
This is a new day
There is a song alive in each and every one of you
Wake up!
Fill your lungs!
Hear the poems echoing in your heart
And hear these sweet songs
Composed just for you...

Steady, heart, steady...
Hush...
Quieten your pace

How can you go at such a speed?
How do you accelerate with such energy
Like a man on a race
To get to the finish line
Of his life...
Oh, but this violent blaze
This fire that is alive in my heart
It beats
It quickens  
It is corrupt
With the power
You have bestowed upon me
Oh, your lips
As they caress my heart so tenderly
Oh heart, hush
Do not race
Allow yourself to enjoy this moment
Oh heart...
Quieten down the violent song
You are pounding
In my arteries
Quiet! Hush!
How can he cause such a raucous
In you...

Oh, but violent fire...
Blaze
Blaze
Set alight inside of me
Burn bright
Shine
Shine
Shine
Allow him to set ablaze inside of you
Shine
Do not shield yourself
Dear heart
Pound
Set alight
Burn

Oh, sweet violent blaze
Burn inside my heart
From his sweet touch.

The way you

kiss me

sets

my heart

on


          fire.

I have no words for what I am feeling
I am in a bad place
My heart constantly aches
I have an urge to cry at every moment of every day
I have no words
I am empty
Yet filled with so much anguish and despair
I am empty
Void
Fills my heart
Passion no longer exudes from my spirit
I am contemplative
I am confused
I am distressed
About every **** thing going on
I have no words
I have no words
I have no words

Yet here words stand
On my page
Yet my lips stay shut

I have no words.

I do not enjoy this
This cracked, mutilated heart of mine
I feel defiled
By humanity
By death
By cruelty
By the harsh truth of man
I am merely a child
I was once effervescent
And excitement bubbled through my spine
Yet now
I am struck with tears
An infinite tug at my eyelids
Ready for the tears to spill out
Of this dead Sea that floods my soul
I have no words
I have been mutilated
I have been defiled
I am deranged
By humanity
And their pull at my soul
The pressure of their rocks
On my navel
Is too great
And soon...
The blood will spill
And my heart's dreams
Will die
A fatal death.

I had never thought that a single person's mere presence
Could mean so much
That he could fill up such a large part of my heart
I had never known that I could sit beside you
Watching you genuinely smile
As the show plays before your eyes...
Could be the most perfect sight

Is this what love is?
Where one looks upon another with such adoration
You see his faults and his scars and his cracks
And you fill every one with your tender love...
You try...
You caress his heart sweetly and you love every part of him
You love the way he knows every super hero and adores each one
You love the way his arrival at your door is accompanied by a 'hello sweetie' that makes your heart flutter
You love every obsession he has
You love reading his writing
You love his unique way of writing,
A piece of him on a page
You love watching him on fire with passion
You love the way he makes you laugh as if that laugh echoes throughout the world to hear
You love his laugh
It creates such a warm fire inside of you when it is heard
You love his green eyes that ignite a fire in your heart when you gaze deeply into them
His pupils that dilate so serenely
The way he always falls in love with your eyes
You love his lips
You love innocently holding his hands
You love the way his hands caress your back as you walk
A feeling of safety and purity
You love his hugs
And never want him to leave
You love the way he holds you and you feel home

I do wonder if this is love
This smile that never wants to disappear
This heart that has been healed by him

I wonder if this is love
Because I'm In love with this feeling...
I do hope it is 'love'...

Narrow roads
Namaqualand daisies beside my feet
As I walk their pathway
As I follow this narrow Road
I ponder the world
I wander about this nameless land
Of words and poems and stories
I am lost in a sea
Of numerous accounts of many things
I do not know
Perhaps this feeling is love
I am lost inside its portal
I watch as some nonchalantly
Kiss and surrender their hearts
They do not love with their souls
They lust
And they presume that this is love
In this nameless world, they scream out that this is love
Yet they easily leave
They do not understand the fatal error of their relationship
That they did not love their significant other
With a language they understood
They loved in a language that was foreign and misunderstood
They loved without passion
As I wandered these narrow roads
I ponder love
And solidity of relationships
I ponder us
I wonder if we will support one another
Like a canvas and it's painter
Equally applying the pressure needed
To stand and become an artwork
I want us
To become an art
A perfect gallery of great works
That if filled with passion
That will never be stifled
I wish to love you
Until I have no breath
I wish to love you
Until I am old and grey
I wish to love you in your love language
I wish to love
To infinity and beyond
Because you are my soul mate
Who gives me solidarity and a peace within that will never be beaten to a pulp
You have mended my heart so well
And for that I am forever grateful
I will love you courageously
And passionately
As I ponder
As I watch
As I walk
Down this narrow pathway.

To me, you are absolutely fascinating
As if an artifact for only me to gaze at
Like some marvellous discovery
that is for only me to find
a great epiphany that will foresee my future
You are my perfect discovery
A theory I long to conjure
You are a hypothesis I am willing to test
An experiment to conduct
To pick at and investigate
I am out to discover
A brilliant creation
To prove my thoughts correct
Because, to me, you are "absolutely fascinating."

Tentatively I took a step towards you
You caressed my heart in your hands
Your menacing stare beguiled me and I was in awe of your sacred beauty
For once I was lost in a sea of mispronounced words and jumbled sentences
The syntax was filled with errors
And I had never thought I would blink my eyes again
As the tears refused to leave my eyes
They painfully glazed my face
And struck me as terribly arty
I felt as if I were an artist In this play
Grasping my lines
Stuttering over them
Grabbing onto each word
Like a cheap ***** grabs cash
From the man with money
And lusts after the sweet stench of the money she earns
I once was lost
Yet now I am found
By your burning radiant fire eyes
Blazing with sensation and perfection
I love you
And I bask in the blistering heat
Of your pyre
That cleanses and  
Causes death
To my
Old morbid heart
And persuades me with passion
And pursuit
I am yours
in
My sensational romance...

Today I had an emotional breakdown
In front of a thirteen year old
I told her that I just wanted to run away
That I experienced the feeling
Drapetomania
An overwhelming urge to run away
I declared that all I wanted to do with my life
Was to live in a cottage with the Love of my life
Read books and live serenely
I don't want stress
I don't want this terrible nonsense
Called 'matric'
And to beg for bursaries from the man with money
For a job I may not even enjoy
I just want to be happy
I want to be loved
I want to caress the world with my writing in books
And touch individuals with profound poetry
Why must I go on with stress
Why oh why
Must life for an eighteen year old be
Oh so difficult
I just want to be happy
I want to run away
To my cottage in the mountains
Where my quiet symphony reigns.

These past three weeks Have been quite unnerving
I've found love and I've lost one of the most important people in my life...
Losing her was terribly sad...
I've tried to push away those feelings of sadness and heartache
By focusing on love and the endearing look he has in his eyes
I have not allowed myself to succumb to dwelling in my sadness
And the urgency in my heart to cry our her name to the heavens
Where are you?
Are you looking down on me?
I miss our Sunday visits, Ouma
I miss your sweet rosy scent
I am conflicted by the emotions I feel
I am resisting the screaming and sobbing in my heart
I am deafening her
With a pillow to her mouth
I am allowing her to fall asleep
And when the sobbing, screaming child in my heart awakes...
I love her
I remind her that 'Jesus wept'
And it will be alright
And she should allow the Love of Jesus to flood her heart
1 Corinthians 13 Love should swell up inside of her heart
And she should love
Allow that love to surmount all that melancholy inside of herself
She will love
She will love
Momentarily I am lost
And I was found by
The Lover of my Soul
Jesus Christ, dwell in me
Love me
Bless me
Be with me
And help me to spread Your Word
And lift Your Name on High
Jesus... Dwell in Me
And Love...

I'm just in a realm
Where I am quizzical about death
I ponder on his steps
After he took you away
Before my eyes
"Death
Be not proud, though some have called thee mighty and dreadful,
For thou art not so."
Death
My state of mind
Wonders about you
Death
You came like a thief in the night
This is now my frame of mind.

A moment when you watch someone die
Is a moment filled with desperation and heartache
You are numb
You are suffering
Because you waited for her to die
You watched as all the numbers decreased
You watched as her heart beat stopped and her breathing ended
You watched as it all turned 0
You watched her die
You watched the colour disappear from her face
Her rosy cheeks into a pale pale yellow
She is gone
But oh how she died
How she died
With such love surrounding her
As we waited for you to go to Heaven
To meet Jesus
There were threads of love surrounding your body
As you breathed
With that **** machine
A hand on each leg
A hand holding each of your hands
Enveloped with warmth and love
As your husband sincerely stroked your head
You were in a room encompassed with love
We adored you my dear
My beautiful ouma
We loved you so much
And now I say
No more Sunday visits
That God, why did I ever dread?
God, I want her back
I know I am selfish
But I loved her Care and absolute adoration for me
Everyone keeps telling me how much she loved me
I remember her lips mouthing
'Ek is lief vir jou skat'
And that will be my memory of her
Rosy cheeks
Blue eyeshadow
And honesty that you thought you despised but actually adored
The most honest person I know
How I will miss you, my love
I want you to know that you are so loved
And I pray that those tears I saw in your eyes
As you died
Were tears of courage and strength and bravery
As you faced death
As he came in like a thief in the night
And took you away
Before you died
We each said we loved you
We were desperate
We screamed out prayers for God to take you away peacefully
You cried
You weeped, my love
As you said
Your last goodbye.

Rooi rosige wange
En n eerlike mond
n Hart van goud
My Ouma
Ek sal nooit ooit my Ouma met Rooi wange En die mooiste glimlag vergeet nie
En jou lag
Jou stewige lag
Jou Hart Wat so vol liefde was
My Ouma
Ek sal nooit vergeet dat dit was jy Wat vir my afrikaans geleer het
Ek het dit altyd met jou gepraat
My Ouma
Jou geselskap was altyd eerlik En jy het altyd my hart verstaan
My Ouma
Wat so lief vir Facebook was
My Ouma
Van muis stories
En my Ouma
saam met Wie Ek gebak het
My Ouma Van rose
My Ouma Van liefde
My Ouma Van lang goodbyes
En altyd ons ding
Waar ons het gese
Ons is so lief vir mekaar
My Ouma
Ek sal altyd dankbaar wees
Vir ons tyd saam
My lieflike Ouma
Ek sal jou met Rooi wange
En blou grimering onthou
My regte egte Ouma
Ek sal jou lag altyd ****
En jou laaste glimlag sien
En lippe Wat gese:
"Ek is so lief vir jou, my skat. Altyd."
Ouma Ek sal jou nooit ooit vergeet nie
Ouma
Ouma
My mooiste ouma
Van rose
En Rooi wange.

Totsiens my Ouma

I just want to cry
But I am numb
I saw a child die before my eyes
I see her wither in her last breaths
Ouma
This is not the way you should die
With that machine attached to your throat
Arms tied down
Being suctioned
And being forced to take your last breath
No Ouma
You are a proud woman
A woman who always tries to look her best
A scent of Mint and roses
And sweet cakes
My Ouma
Clothes that smell like washing powder
But that unique kind that you always remember
Ouma
I love you
I never knew how much I did
Until now
I never imagined life without you
And I do not wish to
My Ouma
Please don't go
He loves you so much
He never left your side
You are his 'girl' he says
As you lie there in the hospital bed
He can not live without you Ouma
You have no idea how much you mean to us
My Ouma
Ek is so baie lief vir jou
My Ouma
Asseblief
Moenie gaan nie
My Ouma
Van Mint And Rose scent.

The gait of one who is in love...
Is something profound and quite extraordinaire
One tends to have a certain skip to your walk
A sort of trot
A kind of spontaneity of happiness and zeal
It's quite bizarre
You have a microscopic spec of sanity in your soul that has this ability to expand and consume your being
You are at peace
Your gait is that of wander
And excitement
You are happy
Your soul is alive
You are in love.

How do you say 'I love you'?
I want to say it
At the right moment
At the perfect time

I'm overwhelmed by the love I hold in my heart for you
But I am burdened by the fact that I wait
For an intricate perfect moment

I want it to be special
I want to be filled with an intense desire
To say it
I want it to be romantic

My darling, I can not say it too soon
I am afraid
To give you that piece of my heart
So many pieces have been broken before...

My darling
I adore you

But I want the three words to be uttered
In a sweet, serene moment of purity and innocence
I want to be so consumed by the intense love in my heart
I want it to be raw
I want it to be real
I want you to know that I love you in the purest way

My darling, I want it to be perfect
And my darling
I will wait for that moment
For now, I will allow this love to swell up in my heart
Until I
Am so overwhelmed
That I
Explode
With words
Spoken into
Sweet serene air
And doe eyes
That reflect
Our endearing love.

I will say it
I will say
*I love you.

You are not my muse, no
But
You
Are so much more...

Write about that empty feeling in your heart, my love
Write
Write until the ink is dry
Write
Write until your fingers burn
Write
Write until you feel the numbness within wither into nothingness
Write
Write until your thumbs bleed
Write
Write until that desire burning in your soul is quenched with the taste of fresh ink
Write
Write for those who don't have words
Write
Write for those who cannot speak
Write
Write for those you have lost
Write
Write for those who cannot hear your words
Write
Write for those who deafen themselves from your spoken words in this world
Write
Write for those who hide in the dark
Write
Write for all your forgotten dreams
Write
Write that song that sits in your heart as you sit behind that **** desk
Write
Write because you have something to say
Write
Write about passion
Write
Write about him
Write
Write for those you do not want to forget
Write

Write
Write
Write

And don't you dare stop

Write.

You pushed me away
and I left

Now

I
       Fly.

Please don't tell me you love me
So soon
I'm afraid
That you
Will fear
My darkness

Hidden within.

I love you in the most divine way
A sensual feeling
That is inert
I fell in love with your soul
And I can not undo
What has been done
This love for you
Will not be buried in the ground
No, my love
My soul is yours for eternity...

I loved you because your heart sang a song only mine could understand
Your lyrics were made for me
You are the musician
And your heart sings a song only I can hear.

I'm searching for that ***** in your armor
The gap that my rays of sun beams can collide into
I want my atoms to surge through you
I want you to bask in my rays of yellow

I am searching for a mere gap
A space
A crack
A tiny place
For my love to crawl into

I want to prowl into your dark cave
Through that crack in the strong bouldering rocks
I step into your cave
And I hear a dripping
Drip drip drip
Of the night before when it rained
And I see the serenity in your eyes as you bask in the glory of the loneliness of that symphony
Of the rain song

You love the rain

My love, I am inside now
You can't get rid of me
I'm trapped because those cracks
Will not allow me to dissolve myself into nothingness
I can not merely dive into that sea of nothingness you wish for me to go to
You do not wish for me to slowly drown to sleep in that deep abyss
Of the horrors of what I am to discover
In your cave
In that ***** I came in through
That crack

My sun beams can not dissolve
I am here
To stay

And I will never escape

The only way to gain your sanity
Is to break down those cascading walls
Hammer down every stone in that Deep dark cave
In your abyss
Allow every piece of my sun beam to come into you
And we will carve out this wall
We will do it side by side

I am not afraid of your darkness
I am here to love you  
Break down those walls
I am here.

Let's go drinking together
Let's get intoxicated together, as you say
We'll get mildly drunk
But I'll be drunk on you
You'll be drunk on me

I'll drink you dry
Like a fountain of youth
We'll indulge in sweet wines
And strong aromatic flavours

Oh my love
Let's get intoxicated
Let's lose our minds
Let's lose our wits
And become insane

I'll become that pleasant person I become
This confident ecstatic girl who doesn't give a ****
She lives freely

Perhaps
I am unwise to say so
To say we should
Drink

Because I get drunk on you
Like a rustic Cabernet
Like a scorching Gluwyn in my throat
My mind becomes hazy
And I don't think about anything that could go wrong
Oh how I adore that feeling

When I
Am
With
You,

I drink.

Thank you
Thank you for poetry
Thank you for reawakening me
Thank you for loving me for a short while
Thank you for helping me to write again
Thank you for helping me fall in love with my soul and the words that flow from my fingertips
Thank you for reciting what I've written back to me in that intriguing, captivating voice of yours
Thank you for coming into my life
But, most of all, thank you for HP
Thank you, [Art].

Although you are gone
I will never forget what you have brought into my life
Thank you for allowing me to meet beautiful people
Thank you for this beauty in my heart
From HP
Thank you, HP
Thank you

She has death in her eyes
Death prowling
Death trailing
Anger bubbling in her heart
Swelling inside
A trigger waiting to be set off
A gun that lies in her heart
She hears
Ticking...
And she
explodes
Her anger boils out of her
And she screams
From all the heartache
All the disappointments
Every single person she has lost

She screams.

We, we fight this ****** battle
We, we stand with confidence
As the blood of Jesus covers us
As we fight beside our King
As the blade he gave to You
Glistens in the sunlight

Red

This battle is red
As we are covered by His Blood

We fight
Beside Him
In this war
And we hold His Name up high

Hosanna in the Highest we proclaim with praise
The Blood of Jesus covers our souls and bodies

We fight against The Dragon
We proclaim our Heavenly Father's Name
With Rage
At this Beast
That tries to deceive us
That tries to take away His Overpowering Love

He, this Beast, who tries to steal our only hope

No, but Our King stands beside us
And we fight this ****** Battle
As we are covered by His Mighty Blood that was shed for our sins.
And we scream out in triumph
At this battle

For we are the Warriors of This ****** Battle
This everyday battle for Jesus Christ.

And you wrote...
You wrote about something...

If you are out there!

If you see this

Because I see you
I see YOU
And I can never stop loving you

Tell me now
Tell me
Scream out to me

Because I miss you

You think you're better at life than me
Because you dance with flames
While I caress the steaming coals' weary backs

You think you're stronger than me
Because you unleash your inner wild man
While I sit back and allow my inner peace to overwhelm my senses and take me to place of 'zen'

You think you are wilder Than me
Because you roar out into the mysterious valleys, yelling all your troubles
While I whisper in the forests to the wonders of the whimsical world

You think you're braver than me
Because you can race to the top of the mountain to yell your name
While I stand back and watch you with idle eyes and Palms shaking with angst

You think you are better than me
Because you're confident and you have the guts to speak to who you love without an ounce of fear
Yet I, I allow my voice to shake and tremble when I speak with conviction to the one I love

You think because you smile at the world with that facade of a smile, they like you
Yet I grin at times of sincerity to my dear one I love and My heart swells with heat at This love

You think saying I love you means that you actually do
You say it to cover your actions and slip ups
While I say it in a tender gaze and favors for the one I adore

Oh
You were disillusioned
For I am not as brave as you
As loud as you
Nor as wild as you

You are the demon within every liar.
You are the raging fire within every arrogant man.
You are the burning desire within his lustful approach to love
You are the deadliest sin
You are confident and undeniably blasé about the blade you cut into every man

You are a burning sensation
A desire
Lust
And words of nothingness

You are everything he was.

You are his darkness within.

You never
     wrote about



                 me...
          



                               You never did love me.

My darling, you've proven me wrong
Humanity is actually one big mess
The way I am
Now that you really are

Gone.

I was going to write some
Raw truth
Alas the backspace overpowered
And my ugly truth
That I fail to accept

was erased

It is a fun game
That this keyboard
This black ink on this temporary white screen
Can so easily disappear
Can so quickly be erased
Without a single trace of it

And I pity this page
My page
That can so easily be erased
By this electronic eraser
That clears my ugly truth
That I can never seem to...

And ****!

You will never know the words I was going to say
For they were just erased
And deleted
From this electronic white page
By my electronic eraser
That distorts my ugly truth
That....

****


It's like a magic trick
This thing
You'll never know my final stanza because
Of my contemplative fingers
That too easily erase.

**** **** ****
The writers' fingers go
They race
I can hear those backspace buttons ringing through the air
Of this dead, echoing night
Erasing their thoughts
Because of
hesitation
Doubt
Contemplation
The worry that they won't care
About that last line you were itching to write

Tell me
Do you hear them
Loud and clear
In the drumming air

****! ****! ****!

The writers' words
That will
Infinitely
Be
erased.

How dare I?
How dare I live this morbid life for even just a dull second?
How do I rectify my actions?
How can I justify what I have done...

"Living living living"
"Moving moving moving"

But never actually living

I was breathing
Breathing in nothingness
A polluted wasteful breath I had
Because it was a life that was encompassed with doubt
A life that was spent without You in its presence

Oh what have I done?

This is My plea to You

I have slipped away from you
I have allowed myself to drown under their words
And I thought I was breathing
But I was mistaken by the air that had escaped from me

However now
I rise
With gasping breaths
And panting
With Your life in me
my Prince living in my soul

It was if an oracle had come upon me
And I was struck with ideologies and truths
That I could have never imagined would speak truth

I have succumbed to This life
Without You
Without Your Life living in me
I have become so distracted that I have forgotten my deep love for You
Your power that surges through me
That brings an electric current that will not resist its flow

Oh God
My Beloved Prince
You
Who wore the cross and held
my burden on your shoulders
You wore the crown
Made of the rose's one fault
For me
For my disgusting and filthy heart


You fought

For me?


I am merely a weak simple being
And you love every part of me...

I have lived a dull life
A morbid life
And I say how dare I
How dare I...
Live without you.

When I'm with you
My friends say I look happy
Truly happy
The most beautiful I've ever been
And I smile genuinely
As if I'm on top of the world
My eyes aren't filled with sadness
They say I look in love
They say that they've never seen me happier
Because you complete me
You remind of who I am
You remind what passion truly is

They say my voice is different with you
I sound authentically happy
A raw brilliance

I am brazen when I am with you

I love your eyes
Because they're filled with passion and a love for life
You charismatic beauty

I fell in love when I met you
When I shook your hand
And electricity coursed through my veins
And the way my heart jumped when I caught you staring at me as I watched life before me with bewildered eyes
I was intrigued by you
Your intensity and our first kiss
The kiss you gave me when we said goodnight

They say I am happy with you
My eyes smile

I am the best version of myself when I am with you.

I'm the most beautiful version of myself when with you .

I didn't cry when he died
And I remember you screamed at me with tears in your eyes
Begging
Pleading
Twisting my aching heart with your juvenile words

"Why don't you cry? You think you're too strong to cry?"

And to be honest your words have stuck with me since
It was grade 6
And to tell you the truth, my darling

I was numb
I was 12 and I felt numb
I couldn't feel my own pulse and I was confused and conflicted
How a man could die so young
A boy who had so much to give to the world
He didn't even have any experiences
He was twelve
And I walked beside him everyday
And you never think
One day they'll be gone
As a child you are so innocent and sweet
You have not a thought of death and love and life ending
You're filled with sweetness that won't succumb
To a life that is numb

No, but I was numb that day
I remember you screaming
He shouted at me
At my dry eyes and childish face
How could I not cry?
You think you're strong?
You feel nothing?

And to be honest,
I felt numb

And numbness is probably worse than pain
Because you know the heartache and tears are soon to come
You're withdrawn in your thoughts and it's probably the worst thing in this world

I was numb

I was numb

And I felt it all

My tears were strained

I was twelve

Please just forgive me

My love, I was


**numb.

I'm still waiting for you to tell me that I was more than just a meaningless fling... That I was more than just another girl you loved for a while
Because, my darling, I Remember those nights...
Those desperate nights that I would stay up with you until morning came
Those evenings I spent listening to your tranquil breathing
Staying with you
Those terrific times you would grasp my hand so tightly as if I held your world in my palms
I remember holding you close and praying for you, my love
I would caress your cheeks that were drenched with tears and I would love you...
I remember you telling me about you endearing love for rainfall and how it calmed your tormented soul
I remember falling so deeply in love with you in those moments of desperation, hopelessness and tranquility in being with you
You calmed me, my love
You took away all my pain
And I am still waiting for you to call my abandoned name.