I didn't cry when he died
And I remember you screamed at me with tears in your eyes
Begging
Pleading
Twisting my aching heart with your juvenile words

"Why don't you cry? You think you're too strong to cry?"

And to be honest your words have stuck with me since
It was grade 6
And to tell you the truth, my darling

I was numb
I was 12 and I felt numb
I couldn't feel my own pulse and I was confused and conflicted
How a man could die so young
A boy who had so much to give to the world
He didn't even have any experiences
He was twelve
And I walked beside him everyday
And you never think
One day they'll be gone
As a child you are so innocent and sweet
You have not a thought of death and love and life ending
You're filled with sweetness that won't succumb
To a life that is numb

No, but I was numb that day
I remember you screaming
He shouted at me
At my dry eyes and childish face
How could I not cry?
You think you're strong?
You feel nothing?

And to be honest,
I felt numb

And numbness is probably worse than pain
Because you know the heartache and tears are soon to come
You're withdrawn in your thoughts and it's probably the worst thing in this world

I was numb

I was numb

And I felt it all

My tears were strained

I was twelve

Please just forgive me

My love, I was


**numb.