I am stupid
I am ugly
I am dumb
I am fat
I am an embarrassment to society
I am unacceptable
I am a waste of life
I am a blabber mouth
I am horrendous
I am the ugly friend
I am the unwanted student
I am worthless
I am a no good piece of human
I AM NOTHING
Don't tell me this isn't true because you're the reason I'm writing this

i am a waste of time and space;
if only my mistakes were erased,
then i could run to you
and make our hearts brand new...
my girl, she can't make me feel
'cause my thoughts just make me reel.
there's no where left for me-
pathetic's all i'll ever be.
just remember, you're the one who left,
and with you, my heart, your greatest theft.
things are darkest in my soul;
**** this, i need a bowl
i need my fix, my pill, my blow
i need my smoke, my dope, my snow

Usually when I tell my stories
They are a bit exaggerated but
I found what true desire was when
I walked in a room with strictly white walls
And saw you standing there
Like god had the angels sculpture every inch of your body
Making sure every bone was carved perfectly into place
So people in the future
Who dig our graves
Will study your fossils
And debate
If you were a human or maybe
Something more

I saw every scar
That formed into
Tick marks
On your spine
Along with every freckle
That was placed along your body
Like the constellations
I saw looking out my window
When you called
And asked me to sneak out to meet you
And I said no

And in that room
I trusted you
And let you open my chest
Like you were preforming
Open heart surgery
And I was dreaming
The whole time
But somehow could still see you
Dancing
To every beat
Like it was the first musical composition
Of A minors and B flats
Your ears have ever heard
And I could see your eyes racing

As you watched every pulse
When you were leaving your finger prints
For me to keep

I have never been able to feel
Any moment in time
Like I can with the minutes I spent with you
And all I remember after leaving
Was a road that went straight ahead
The ground was simply dirt
And I walked alone
With a pocket mirror
Leaving you behind
Because you refused to leave the place
Where our hearts had intertwined
You refused to leave that moment in time

I believe the silence in that room
Did not exist
After I left
The voices of demons came spilling
Out of the walls
Telling you every part of every moment we spent
Was wrong

But you still chose to stay in that room

I kept walking and using that mirror
To see if
I still had
Who you loved
Within me
When I had to deal with every consequence
That went with my temptation
With our temptation
And it was of good
Use when I wanted to look back
And try to find you
But you still seemed to be in that room
And I know the dumb thing would be to
Turn back so I didn’t
I only let my mind rewind
And pause at all my favorite parts
And some say you kept one foot in and the other out after a while
But that was all
And at that point I had already thrown
The mirror on the ground
Because I heard voices on the dirt path telling me to
Carry on
And I did
With empty pockets
And lonely hands
He tried to fit his fingers forcefully
Into the spaces yours fit perfectly
How could I ever find a suitable replacement
For a person
Whose fingerprints
Leaked into my veins
Like a virus
I promise
I do not look at it as a curse
But as your very own gift
And I am proud to be your live host
But without you
Its killing me
I have tried to avoid
Any moment in time
I felt anything for you
(You need to know I had no choice
But to lie
I was afraid of being alone
I didn’t want to leave that room
But you know I had to
I loved you so much
I still do
It drives me insane)
And I’d scream
I wanted nothing to do with you
Echoing
I wonder if you ever heard
But those screams were the demons
Trying to sculpture me
And I knew I couldn’t pretend anymore
I could only hope
You were coming for me
Because I was now struggling after miles and miles
My legs feeling heavier with every step
I could only hope
You could use your speed
And your way with strategy
To find a way to catch up to me
I’ve been waiting months
And I have become numb to any other moment in time
And unless you had taken the wrong
Route
Or had somehow gotten lost within the straight path
Because my foot prints did get washed away with the snow
That has gone and passed


If you had somehow gotten lost
I hope you realize which way you are
Suppose to be going
Because I am still here
Waiting for
You.

Working hard,
for a dream I can't achieve.
Your words,
the words of the world,
weaving in and out my head.

Everything is easier said than done,
that's why actions speak louder than words.
You can preach or you can pray,
in the end,
their just words.

I live in a fantasy,
where I feel happy.
To feel and to be are two different things,
but feeling is good enough for me.

Someday, someone will tear down the sunset wallpaper,
and the walls will crumble down on my precious fantasy.
And when that day comes, I will die,
but for now,
let me be.

I remember that fall,
I was seven years old,
you were 6 feet tall
and I hugged your legs.
The leaves were changed
but we stayed the same,
you may have aged
but we were both young at heart.

I remember that fall,
I was twelve years old,
you were still so tall,
and now I hugged your waist.
We sat by the fire, like every other year,
you told me a scary story,
the first and last I'd ever hear
in your deep, soothing voice.

I remember that fall,
I was fourteen years old.
You were just as tall,
but so, so thin.
There was not a hair on your head,
instead a tumor resting in there.
You smiled but you wished you were dead,
and you couldn't enjoy the season with me.

I remember that fall,
I was sixteen years old.
You're not here at all,
and I am not okay.
It's nearly two years,
everyone else enjoys their days;
but I still shed the most tears.
Fall is no longer a place for laughter;
only horrific memories.

It's summer now,
I'm eighteen years old
and nothing's how it was at all.
You'd be so proud of me.
I've made new friends,
I'm working now and I'm happy.
She is too, I know you're wondering.
I still miss you every day,
but at least time has taught me
how to continue on this way.