i’m at this threshold,
dealing with so many unnecessary obstacles.

i’m letting all of them hold me back
because it is easier to be a victim
than a victor.

too temperamental.
it is either
                             zero
or one hundred.

not in a good way.  

each word she speaks
brings up that boiling bubble of stress
in my chest cavity.

how can i take
my own insecurities
and feelings of inferiority
out on her

while maintaining
my egotistical
self image?

become slow to anger.
for the good of yourself
and every soul around you.

i can’t help but stare at the ceiling
what else is there to do at midnight
when everyone else is preoccupied
and i am wandering aimlessly through life

fast hearts alone in your parents’ house
going between aggressive and tender
half moon fingernail marks in the skin
with teeth-borne bruises underneath

somehow it is mid july
and i still shiver,
my body so cold.

a blush on my cheekbones
warms me up from inside out,
too fleeting for comfort.

much too late for an abortion
and asking for necessity
is far too selfish of me.
i do not want to be
an obligation to you.
you always told me
you wanted a daughter,
but you never show it.
you always say
“i’m so sorry
i will change”
and i never want to believe you
but i always do
and i never have a reason to.
my blood is nothing to me
because i am nothing to them
but a problem.