he slipped his fingers
through the crack in the door
looked around
behind his shoulder
he shifted his eyes side to side
someone should have told him
they noticed
he brought his knee up
to his chin
or his chin down to his knee
and with that, cracked the door
and slipped out
locking the door behind him he thought he locked his mind
the warmth still pulsed behind him
and he heard the baby cry
his ******* lingered behind
him on the ****
come on, come on
my man
come on

he was taught to keep his eyes wide open
never narrow his glance for that which he might miss
and for that he lived a fallacy with that woman
he lived just for her breath
until his own paled in comparison
people lie when they say he left because of the times
that he is a summation of statistic
because he left for what he was taught
a gross misunderstanding
of generations
of disfigured parables
which left him rewired and not suited
for this life or any life
poor husk

but his fingers fell away from the ****
and he ran
so far that the world wept
his feet bloodied
when people asked where he was from
there were moments of clearness and he felt
his time was not wasted
but it was impossible to know it
he could see things like no one else
and it was his job to write them down
and so he did
until his fingers crumbled

time got by
time got in the way
shoved down his throat
he gurgled and spit up his shame
it burned a hole in his belly
until he could stomach it no more
and
threw up a map
he stared at its edges in his calloused hands
and he knew the place, his next destination
he followed it back
a path which burned with every retraced step
and the world wept
but this time for a different reason
his ******* found the familiar ****
he looked around
behind his shoulder
he shifted his eyes from side to side
slipped his fingers through the crack and stepped inside
someone should have told him
they noticed

he's staring at the bottom of a boot
he can feel his lower teeth
stuck through his lip and
he wants to cry out
my baby boy
he lowered his head and
for the first time felt what he had done

my head was split open
a mustard seed
a newborn still wet with afterbirth
there were things I needed
from your words
from your mind
but you fed me fallacies

my body was slight in stature
a girl of eight years
they wanted to bleach my skin
dilute me in the holy waters
so I could become
more hallowed than human
yet saved by human mercy

when she comes to me
water-born and slick with life
I will not use love or fear
to teach her those things
she will know truth
and prowess,
loveliness, and loneliness
of the most vital

I’m afraid to close my eyes
literally close my eyes
when the sleep creeps in I feel it
like a clash within my body
my eyes are dry and aching
pleading for the life to stay behind them
my spine is sown to the floor
and I kick it with the heel of my boot
you see there’s this demon
that lives in the roof of my mind
and when I allow him
he comes down
and knocks me out
and while I’m down and out he has his way
with my mind
and once I’m completely submerged
is when he comes
the lightless Agares
he stands in the doorway
slithers over to my Abaddon
and I am lifted

there is a desert, lives inside me
she grows large, while I grow tiny

she likes to come around at times throughout the day
she puts my mind to sleep and keeps my friends at bay

when did she come? I do not know
how'd she arrive? When will she go?

I think and think and think and think until I fall asleep
and when I wake I cannot speak, can't even make a peep

she grows and grows within me, too fast to slow her down
but one can live inside me, how will I push her out?

It is hard to make decisions, they always lead to strife
but one here must be made, to end the others life

I plunge into this vacuum, ready for some fighting
I grab my bag of weapons and feel my blood igniting

I pull out creativity and she pulls out aggression
I then pull out vitality and she pull out depression

one swing one hit, one cut one blow, we battle on equitably
it looks as though I just might lose, she raises up formidably

high above her head, she wields one self-destruction
inside my mind I build one final plan construction

because I cannot fathom to let her win this fight
I take out my last weapon, and ****** my own life.

I watched it wash over you
the sludge drug you down
it's cool wafts breathed carelessly across your neck
and sunk you down with waves

there was a crack of silence
you never spoke a word
sat there as your empire buckled
a mute speechless fool

let legions lick fire to your heels
and pour out your hot blood
onto the stage around your convictions
it is okay
to become a casualty in a war you at least tried to fight

He loved her and she loved him
His kisses ****** out her whole past and future or tried to
He had no other appetite
She bit him she gnawed him she ******
She wanted him complete inside her
Safe and Sure forever and ever
Their little cries fluttered  into the curtains

Her eyes wanted nothing to get away
Her looks nailed down his hands his wrists his elbows
He gripped her hard so that life
Should not drag her from that moment
He wanted all future to cease
He wanted to topple with his arms round her
Or everlasting or whatever there was
Her embrace was an immense press
To print him into her bones
His smiles were the garrets of a fairy place
Where the real world would never come
Her smiles were spider bites
So he would lie still till she felt hungry
His word were occupying armies
Her laughs were an assasin's attempts
His looks were bullets daggers of revenge
Her glances were ghosts in the corner with horrible secrets
His whispers were whips and jackboots
Her kisses were lawyers steadily writing
His caresses were the last hooks of a castaway
Her love-tricks were the grinding of locks
And their deep cries crawled over the floors
Like an animal dragging a great trap
His promises were the surgeon's gag
Her promises took the top off his skull
She would get a brooch made of it
His vows  pulled out all her sinews
He showed her how to make a love-knot
At the back of her secret drawer
Their screams stuck in the wall
Their heads fell apart into sleep like the two halves
Of a lopped melon, but love is hard to stop

In their entwined  sleep they exchanged arms and legs
In their dreams their brains took each other hostage

In the morning they wore each other's face