I don’t know you.
I know how we’re related,
But I didn’t know you existed until you died.
That sounds sad, and it is.
I’ve heard that you impacted many people,
But isn’t that what they always say at funerals?

You had an open casket.
There was a picture to compare.
In the picture you were full of life.
Sun kissed and full bodied.
In the casket you looked empty.
Pale and still.
I didn’t look long.
You looked so cold.
Your eyes were closed in the final sleep.
Your skin was so pale it almost matched the silk sheets.

I walked by.
I looked around.
I noticed how full of life everyone was.
Then I thought of you.
You’re in heaven now, full of life again.
But your body is here and it is empty.

You left her behind.
I know you didn’t want to.
She was so quiet.
She didn’t speak or cry.
She just sat beside your fiancé.
He cried, but your daughter was still as stone.
She looked pale, but not as pale as you.
I wanted to look at her and reassure her.
But how do you tell a 12 year old girl it will be okay?
When her mother is gone for good,
And she will never get another hug,
Another kiss,
Another touch,
From you.

I’m glad you’re with God.
It’s just hard to see those you loved suffer.
I have a hard time when I think about my loved ones dying.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it.
I think I’d die of heartbreak.
I’m honestly blown away,
By how strong your daughter is.
She stood there and took everything.
Every look at your casket like a punch in the gut.
Every condolence and hug like kicks to the back.
Every moment of that day like a hopeless trek through the desert night.

do you ever get the feeling that you arent doing enough?
that you aren't being enough?
that you aren't, yourself, enough?

i know i'm doing a lot, got a lot on my plate
but i know other people
who always seem better

i want to do more, be more - but i don't know how
i'm not the smartest, most practical, most creative
i have no idea what i'm doing

all i have is dreams less grandiose than theirs
and contentment waging war with wanting more
and all i want is to feel enough

not to be jealous of what they have
but to be okay with what i've got
and to feel enough

-I-

I’ve always wanted to feel safe
I’ve always wanted a knight in shining armor
You have no armor, but you shine to me
You haven’t been knighted, but that’s okay
You’re everything a knight is without the title
You’re generous, chivalrous, humble, honorable, faithful, courageous, and strong
And even then you’re more,
You’re mine

———————

-II-

You need no earthly armor
You don’t need a title
You don’t have to go slay dragons
Or leave for epic adventures
You do something even better
You stay
You’re here for me
You listen to me talk about my day
Or when I go on a random 11 o’clock ramble

I want to be the maiden you rescue
Every day for as long as you’ll rescue me
Rescue me from my troubles
Sweep me off my feet and take me away
To faraway places
where there is abundant peace, love, and joy
Take me to where you are
I ask for nothing more
I only ask for you

I’m gonna tell you a story… not

Long ago a girl met a boy, but he was no
Ordinary boy, he was Godly, gentlemanly,
Very kind, funny, handsome… everything she
Ever dreamed of, and more. and he loved her!

Yet even though he proved to her time and again
Our girl couldn’t believe it… she was terrified,
Understandably so, for love is terrifying, but

Time went on… she knew him more and she
Realized she wanted him to know
Everything about her, and she wanted the same
Letting him in was scary at times, but
Little by little, she fell further and further
In love… but this story isn’t over, it’s the start of
Something much bigger

Ive never really appreciated everything hands can do.
Ive always known hands are useful. I know they bring things close and throw things away. I know they clasp onto something and hold on to it.

But I’ve never fully appreciated their beauty.
Slender, quick-moving fingers
Nails delicately placed on their ends
Wide, soft palms, and the lines across them
Callouses from hard work

Your hands are golden brown
I love them

Your fingers trace my skin
Your palms are so soft and warm on my shoulders

I love to watch your hands
The way you place your hands on the steering wheel
The way you dribble a basketball
The way your hands fit into mine (even though they're so much bigger)

‘Let’s play the quiet game!’
‘3, ,2 ,1… go!’

Silence slowly slinks in…

I won’t be the first to break it

Seconds tick by
Minutes
Hours
Days
Years

I won’t be the first to break it

Will you?

you may feel shame rising in you
i understand
i have felt it many times as well

but you need to know
you can change
do not let one mistake get the better of you

you can turn yourself around
it seems impossible to even try
but i believe in you

if i can try,
so can you