I think my wasted potential is really a heartbreak
I have so much to give to the world but nothing useful wills to pour out of me
I feel frozen

I don’t know how to unlock myself at all

and what is life for me?
i don't know yet

i guess i've always known what it could be
i just haven't decided

just a little something to take the edge off

I'm a free soul bound by something divine
so tell me why my face is pressed against this glass window...yearning?
yeah I can't move mountains but that doesn't mean I can't take a leap of faith..right?
so tell me why I watch life pass me by...yearning

12:04..time is slowly killing me
but I'm so **** stubborn
******* father time
just like that busted up shop sign that flickers
I'm here to stay

where are you now?.....what are you doing?

Say it's me that you adore

S for say something to me

You know things are bad when Dostoyevsky says something and you can relate

so smile...what else can we do?

maybe my anonymity ruined me
but is it such a crime to want to stay hidden?

pure raw and unfiltered emotion

I always wanted to know everyone's stories
I wanted to know if their stars were the same as mine

-
If you have a story, will you share it with me please?

silent sobs left her shaking until she slowly faded away

His eyes are shutting, his mind is spacing out and his body is shivering.
These tremors are no joke and they all seemed to lose hope when his eyes rolled back and he slowly started to fade away.
But nothing is as it seems, funnily enough this was really no overdose, just a man who lost hope in the moment...just like you.
So at night when you sit and ponder, spare a thought for him and lose yourself in wonder...that is before you go under,
and it's too late to repent.

once again it's silent
i can feel my steady heartbeat
and life is simple

a cry for help is the only cry that is never heard

i love the way eyes shine
so bright
even when they shine with tears
it's so cute

i get lost in my eyes
so chocolatey and bright

looking at life through a lens is as close as i'll ever get to home

is it so wrong for me to want something good and pure?

All my life I’ve been entangled in destruction
Seeking it, causing it, craving it, deserving it
The list could go on forever

But is it so wrong to want something good?
To want something intimate and whole?
To want trust

sometimes it feels like I’m asking for too much
But what I want has to be out there somewhere
I’m not insane
This is far from irrational right?
I am deserving right?

Or can a wretched creature like me be trusted with something pure and good? Am I too tainted for what I want?

I feel tainted
I feel destined for destruction
But a part of me still hopes I can be saved

she lives in shades of pink
cute as a button
but hot on your lips

we would never lay a finger on eachother
but we still wake up with bruises
i mean just the other night
i found the pattern of your ring embossed in my skin
but i'll swear to it, i am whole and have never been hit

there are cuts on my back,
deep scars in my gut,
but i have never been hit

there are stab wounds in my heart
but i swear I have only ever been stabbed in the back

the list goes on but i'm still baffled
why is my body so broken
why does my heart cry
why does my brain deceive me

people have hurt me with their words but i thought my body was stronger than that
i thought i was stronger than that
i thought i was impenetrable
i thought i was wearing armour

did it fall out along the way? was it just aluminium foil instead of titanium steel?

did i do this to myself?
are my questions hurting me?
who is hurting me?
do i deserve this?
should i fight back?

I thought i was fighting...
I'll try to keep going
but just a warning
i might give up
but i'll try for you

When I think about me I think about him

pale skin
shining eyes wet with fresh tears
cherry lips
cold skin
warm cheeks
a sharp stare
dark hair
your finger in her mouth as she cries
shivering
or shaking
her hair frames her face
move it
your nail digging into her cut lip
the blood running down her chin
feels wet
a metallic taste
a delicious taste
so strange
fear in her eyes
increase it
pleasure in your eyes
you can't hide it
it can't get any better than this
improve it
keep going
I can't stop
control yourself
let go
you're being violated
take it
I can't
do it
keep going
stop
run
don't you dare
this is mine
i'm yours
who am i?
enough
I want this
I need this
i need you
I needed you

I look up at the night sky and I wonder if our stars are the same

*

How long will it take you to reach stars?

surprisingly I'm back for more
i have nothing to write today though
im in a good mood

dancing feeds the soul
and good music

it corrupts your heart too
so be careful
-
i'll keep smiling though

is anyone else scared that the kind of love they want does not exist and is unattainable? i think about it all the time

I can’t give in
I’ve gotta stay away
You’re a liability
Because
You’re another secret in my book
That I’ve got hide
  
And I’ve dedicated my life to hiding this part of me
So I’m scared
That my house of cards might come tumbling down
On my greatest high

I live in the west
but i am still in pain
trapped, tormented and scarred

I live in the west
cushioned and protected

So i decided to **** myself up
Because I live in the West
Because I am privileged enough to go to war with myself

but i do
i feel
i feel everything

it's so strong
when it washes over me
it consumes me

I keep trying to remember being a child
I feel like I need to look for something in those memories

pure energy coursing through my veins
i'm alive

i'm breathing fast and it feels so good

I let you see me and now I can't see myself anymore

Wherever you are, our stories will always be with you...even if I am not

when you can have everything, why want more?

These tears fall like little candy drops
iridescent and soft
so tempting
you can't help but taste one

---
now you're addicted
you always need 'just one more hit'
and i'm the streets best dealer
---

Love me like you love my words

i am grey
and as for black and white, they always tango around me
battling for dominance
but they forget
that the tango isn't that kind of dance

they throw each other around
instead of moving in harmony

but i am harmony
i am the perfect balance that exists between them

they ignore me
and they will keep going until they self destruct
so i'll watch them from the shadows
until i fade away...until i am nothing but a whisper on their lips

Do you think I’m crazy?

rage just consumes me like a poor beggar on the street who hasn't eaten in years

what did I do
will God forgive me?

These feelings of guilt and disgust
I'm bathing in them
purifying myself inch by inch, in a sick and twisted way

am I a creature of hell?

I couldn't resist
the urge was just too much
it consumed me

i hate myself
was it worth it?

the desire in me screams yes
it always does

but i know it really wasn't

i'm tired of being led by desire

a sinners pathway to destruction

God please save me
have mercy

You’re all I have, I said to the wall in front of me
The wall did not respond. It just stared back
Blankly, silently

Can anyone hear me? Does anyone see me?

Desire will set you on fire
And we’ll all perish
Whilst you burn brighter than ever

we're stuck trying to find a balance between passion and lust
well i am anyway
i'm consumed by desire
i need more
even though i know it's dangerous

I should protect myself

I can't help it
I can't help it
i'm weak
a slave to my desires
i'll **** us up if that's what it takes to get to my sweet release

i'm selfish and the devil inside me needs feeding

it's getting closer
-
it's almost time for me to finish another chapter in my life
-
i lost myself and found her all over again
but i'm not allowed to hold onto her forever
-
it's almost time to let her go and become a new me all over again
-
she's supposed to be better...shinier
-
i don't have much to complain about i guess so i'll say bye to her in a couple of weeks

i have put my life and soul in to this piece
i dedicated my life to this
how dare you
ruin it
come in and criticise it
My life's work
what i put every fibre of my being into

the highs of mania and the lows of depression are harder to ride as time goes on
especially when I can't find any answers
especially when I can't understand myself or the world around me
-
suffocating on my emptiness
I walk around
yet I am nowhere to be found

we tried that old trick
where you seal a crack with gold

you're lying to yourself
it doesn't look pretty

you're lying to yourself
it will never last

so maybe it's time to shatter things into pieces
and go our separate ways




p.s it's funny how you all will still believe that sometimes things have to fall apart to come together again. Think again, those pieces will get swept up and discarded in a lonesome and destructive landfill site. Get real before life forces you to...

the most intense poetry you will ever write comes from the words that never get published and instead get erased by your blinking cursor
yeah that's right...beauty gone in the blink of a cursor

It's what you really want to say
it just never made the cut

maybe this is why we're all numb
because our real feelings never make the cut

we chop and erase and blend things to fit our sick agendas
but then again I guess this is me just stating the obvious