i'll play by the rules if you want me to
but that means i get to keep that chip on my shoulder
-
don't look into my eyes
you won't find what you're looking for
i buried that deep inside of me
-
do my hands shake?
my poker face gives nothing away
but my body always betrays me
-
open your heart for me
i'm your queen and i'll play you so well
-
want me to open my legs for you? just let me win
-
victory never tasted so sweet

It's so cold out here

i love it when i can't breathe
-
those moments spent trying to breathe are electrifying
they make me feel alive when i forget that i already am

You feel on fire
Electric

You burn
Dark and fast
When you hear my voice

And I
I can’t breathe
When I hear yours
Because you remind me of all the times I sinned
You remind me of the dark me
The worst parts of me are in you
And when I see you, ****, those memories wash over me
Slowly
The flames lick at my body
Teasing
Threatening to destroy me

But I’m naive
You have a way of corrupting me
And all of a sudden
Like magic
My hate for you turns into white hot desire
Burning deep into the night
We’re on fire
Burning together so deliciously
Yet we try
Try so hard to put the flames out with our tears

It’s been so long
And we’ve never succeeded...

you wished for so much and you got it

just **** me up
i need it so bad
to feel burning pain turn into blinding pleasure

i think it's time for change

It's better if they don't know

It's the honest truth

We got different stars and stories...but why is that such a bad thing?

there is so much beauty in our pain

I can't take this anymore
I don't know where to go or what to do
I've driven myself insane
I can't exist within my own mind
I can't make sense of anything
i feel like i'm
f  
    a  
        l
        l
    i
        n
g

Deeper and Deeper
Down into the rabbit hole
into a place where time goes backwards
but the good thing is
after a while
i start to feel a sick sense of relief
and everything's okay again

so i guess i'll keep venturing down into the rabbit hole
just for a little while longer

i'll just have to be his little girl instead
i have been for a long time
and secretly i always will be

Why don't you love me anymore

I speak from experience, whether it's to be mentally, physically or a figment of my imagination, I speak from experience.

There's a fire within me,
and I don't need someone to put it out
I need someone that will burn with me

you held me there,
watched me,
but you didn't do anything

I want to see you burn with me

she is the life we all deserve

i wonder what it feels like to have an empty head]
to just sit there like a mindless and pretty doll
oblivious to the human feeling of buzzing thoughts

It'd be nice if more people interacted with me on here

I have so many thoughts but sadly I have nothing to say anymore
I am mute and numb
Yet I still feel

-

Regretfully I still feel

I want to be free

The lights look so warm in the distance...
I’m trying to grab them but can’t you see they don’t want to be held?

There's a story in every time zone

a moment passed
and then there was nothing

My compassion for you is inconvenient

Falling....
it always felt so good to let go
-
it always felt so good to slip
and fall
-
it always felt so good to laugh
and pick myself back up
like it never hurt




if you don't hear from me, tell them i was falling

Everything that I am today, right now, right this second is everything I wasn't
Everything that im not today, right now, right this second is what will make me

****, where will I take myself

i've reached rock bottom,
i think i need a little help getting out
but i don't have a single soul that could help me

i should stop wallowing
i mean, what's the point of crying over loneliness when i could piece myself back together
that would mean i don't need a single soul....
right?
i could live in piece(s) with myself and 9 others who go by the same name but could never resemble me.

opening this **** laptop up is like opening pandoras box

I let him ruin me

looking at the shattered tea cup on the floor feels so familiar
do you think if I reached out to touch it, that I would feel a gentle caress on my own skin?
-
if I swept it up
and heard it drag across across the floor
would I make a sound? what if I moaned ever so lightly?
how would that make you feel?
-
and if I left the shattered pieces to just lay there
would you pick them up?
I imagine you standing over them
towering, with your 6ft frame
-
I know you would see the beauty in the mess
you might smile
you might bend down for a closer look
maybe you would even touch me
of course you would
-
maybe I would ask you to
maybe I would beg for you to pick up a piece
maybe I would scream for you to clench your first around it and feel the stabbing pain that comes with blood flow

-
in the hallway of our minds place lays a shattered tea cup
and in the palm of our hands lays a piece of it
and in the gaze of our eye is one another
and the only name on your lips is mine

i can't word this, i can't word anything i'm just at a loss
anger will destroy us all

It was intense sitting across from him but I mirrored his position and stared back into his eyes with the same intensity

I had to look away a few times
But so did he

I’ve played this game every day since I discovered who I really am
You may think you’re a challenge but just try me

Is it possible for a human to feel so sorry?

Coping with the loss of someone comes with indescribable pain
and it's sad because life will always go on

That just makes me want to hold onto the pain even more
because thats the last thing on this earth that let me know you were real and that you existed and that you were in my life.

I don't want to forget about you ever, I don't want life to go on and forget about you

But I have to let go
and it's sad
it's really sad
I can't do it
I loved you so much
How can I live and how can I cope when I'm so used to seeing you everyday
and now there's just nothing
when I wake up there's just nothing

I hate that one day you won't have existed anymore
The show will go on
It waits for no one

I don't even want to be part of this show
but like i said we all end up getting roped in somehow
-
I'll try not to forget you
I'll try so hard

i don't feel like i exist
or maybe i don't feel like existing

life scares me
i'm overwhelmed
and confused

i just want slash and stab this empty vessel that I call a body
rip out my guts and end it all
choke on my own blood
and finish myself once and for all

I've always gotten lost in my head, thinking about all the ways I could cut my flesh open and destroy myself, to finally end myself
-
some time elapsed and I finally realised that it is not death that I long for but just pain
-
I want to take myself apart piece by piece
to feel at peace and feel that sweet release

He ruined me

I can't shift this feeling
that things are never going to be okay again
that things will never be the same again

and this thought spins around my mind
on repeat
until i fall asleep

but i'm still learning...

you hurt me, and I hated myself for being in pain

close your hands around my throat and god don't let me go
writhe against me in the grey light
it's fast but I know you feel it slow

just a little something to take the edge off