Keep me warm on a cold night

music seems to push ideas to the front of my mind yet i hate that
music irritates me to no end
the fact it can change my mood and get me to act in a different way
yet i can't see myself going a day without it
i guess it just keeps my mind and thoughts alive and running in some specific way

i hate emotions
i spit on them
it disgusts me
especially when i cry about it like a little *****
these days i'm so shaken from the core
my foundations  have been rattled
by who, by me
these feelings have left me conscious of my breathing
i can't manifest what i want to write into words
it's all ******* coming out wrong
-----------
do you ever feel a certain way, so much so that to convey it seems impossible
like you've reached an impasse

Why did we have to get even
It's not like we ever gained control of a situation that has always been imbalanced
It's not like we will  

Why does it take me over
The urge To become someone I hate
Destruction
It rips everything apart
I
Rip everything apart
But it feels so good
Especially when I feel so bad
I like feeling this alive
Makes me question
If
I'm really
Dead

Love *****
I mean I don't even know if this is love
This my problem
I've never been in love
Maybe I have
I don't know
People describe it to me
They say 'trust me you'll know'
But I don't think I will or can ever know
I don't think I'm built to differentiate between real feelings and fake feelings
I don't know what I'm feeling towards you
But I get this sad feeling when we aren't talking
When we aren't with eachother
I guess that's love
Or some twisted version of it
I guess I'll just have to settle for it
And I wish
I just wish
That I could say all of this to you
And more
And I know that life's too short to hold back
But some part of me
The cautious part of me
Tells me to think twice about what I'm doing
If I open up to you, what's the worst that could happen?
But I can never read you
I never know WHAT to think
I never know what you think
I don't want to feel like this
Weak, vulnerable and needy
I don't want to feel like control is not within my reach
Be mine
Forever
But *******
******* for making me feel like this
For hating every moment since you've been in my life
******* for making me feel this way
I'm weak
Pathetic
I thought I was stronger
UGH
I've never been the girl that sat around missing a mans presence
But I guess fate has its own way of getting revenge
Maybe I just feel too much
Or just feel too deep
Or think too much
But I'm so detached at the same time
So distant
So complacent
Maybe that's why I'm so confused
Maybe that's why I'm just not so sure anymore
About anything
About me
About you
And about us
If that even exists

I want to see inside of you
Every last detail
I see something in you
Funny
Because at first I didn't expect it
I thought you were pretty average
It turns out
You're pretty cool
And the best part is
I don't even think you know it
I don't think you can see what I see
But what if it's just me
What if it's my warped vision
Trying to convince us both of a lie
And hating you for telling the truth

First time I saw you
I just knew
I just knew...

I needed you to love me

Tonight

looking at life through a lens is comforting

Lonely for you only

i could fall for you

substance abuse
acting obtuse

The spaces between the glass are not equal

I want to feel warm again
Like everything is okay

the words scrawled in capitals on the yellow piece of paper bit me

when i stare at myself in the mirror
i get lost in my eyes

i'm just
such
a
pretty
girl

I grew up to be sinful and it's so hot

im just trying to live a different life

I'm growing tired of living multiple lives

A form of creation craves creation

Did I lose myself
or did I gain you?

my dearest A

I don't want to give up

Love me? forever and always?

Prisoner of freedom

I've got so many more tricks up my sleeve and baby i'm just firing them out now

her bedrooms walls were covered in drawings
and you thought they were made by a sweet little kid
the way they were carelessly scribbled out
but those drawings were not that innocent

they were drawn by your daughter on her darkest nights

look a little closer

the
drawings
are
not
as
innocent
as
you
think

I just want to slip back into it

i know just what my eyes look like and i can't even see myself
hell i can't even picture myself
i'm lost in my own wide eyed yet heavy lidded glare

He said goodbye
So why didn’t you wave?

Controlled by my desires

Stone cold
Broken bones

Empty guns
Soulless and numb

Too far gone

No more rehabilitation

It's time for retribution

And in the end, nothing will ever matter

i say writing is one of my ultimate passions and i'm always called out on my ability at English when i'm at college and people who appreciate my work but i struggle to get what's in my mind out and it's the worst struggle ever i mean i'm not exactly shy of expressing myself in fact i might sometimes overly express myself so what's the problem here?

it's almost as if i saw myself in the screen

attraction for attractions sake

Love...Love...Love
i need you so much
i already have you
but i need more

what do i need? I need a different kind of love
a kind that i've never tasted

yeah..that's the one
the kind that keeps you awake at night in wonder, scared that it'll leave you

because you love it so much
the feeling
the person
the life

you love it so much
the life you never thought you would love

new picture!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i see your hands as a tree
your fingers being both the branches and the roots
the foundation and the being
your veins, the bark
blood, tree sap
my skin on your hand
soil next to a tree

all i can feel is the change within me
and not much else really

<3

He used to tell me I was young fire

If you can't beat em, destroy them until you can't join them, because they simply don't exist anymore

im seeking something, always searching for that one thing that's is right in front of me

S for say
say something to me

We have traced every line
On this map
And as I lay here
I'm yet to care

I want to see you burn with me

i wasn't thinking about you
until you told me to

it's the truth
and i know it hurts

but there's so much beauty in pain
so i envy you

i wish you could me hurt the way i hurt you

going straight on airplane mode to just stare at myself in the mirror because I look really quite cute tonight.

I feel like i have something interesting to give tonight, just no one to give it to

I'll always walk down a path if it is inviting
I cannot be blamed for that

Lust, lustrous....lust....lost