when I'm on top of you
riding you
at 3am
i throw my head back
just as you scratch my bare back
and grip my hair in your iron tight fist

it's then, at this point
that i want you to drag your fathers blade from the hollow of my throat all the way down to what gave you all this pleasure for 7 years

i hope i look cute when you're finished with me, Doctor .

We must both like the chase,
A lot

you only think what i want you to think
when i want you to think

you ever crave success so much that you lose the will to work sometimes?

Give it a name
Make it real
I know you want to feel it

Feel it running through your veins
Liquid Terror

i have invented a way to pause life

why can't night time be forever

Sometimes the sage just awaits the answer from providence...

I'm Looking Hopeful

learning that marriage is sometimes like a horror film is hard
You learn it the hard way
Sure there was a an alright environment
But the truth when it was revealed was enough to crack the strain
The injustice that in the moment everything is plausible
But when you look back and realise your mistake, all you can do is apologise
******* go back in time, grab your past self and scream, scream as much as you can because it'll be silent because when you return from the past you'll revert back to old ways. Marriage is hauntingly beautiful and I guess it's just sheer luck

why have we stole glances at each other for a year
a whole year
what is your name?
who am I?
why do you come as close as possible,
clench your jaw,
and look into my eyes?
odd
just another figure looming in the background of my everyday

Momma says "cherish the time you spend with me,
Cherish the time you have left with me"

The angsty teen I grew up dreaming to be

But I hear things sometimes

And no one knows where the noise comes from

But

As  

The wood floors whisper

I start to whisper

God why are you always in the forefront of my mind. you're so temporary but you just appear to be everything. I want you, sexually, of course. I'm lax with commitment and just a little apprehensive of it since i get bored easily. i want you to be the one. i only catch glimpses of you but this time that's not my only indulgence or limit, i now have a means of communication with you and it's so frustrating. i'll miss you when your gone, i miss you, i miss you every day ugh to be continued

always looking over my shoulder
always keeping an ear free
always opening the window just so I can breathe

each move that we make, is that deliberate?
each desire that moves us, is that what we wish for?
each question that pushes us, is that what we care for?

every time i’m happy I think it will last forever








but it never does

****** you but I ****** someone else

C O N V E Y

talk to me

Mary Mary quite contrary....

i don't want us to ever grow apart

please tell me how i've managed to forge a connection like this with you
i'm just screaming on the inside
funny how i don't even know whether im talking about a person or a little habit i can't kick
whatever you are
you make me feel empty, intoxicated, and completely willing to give myself over
a little tilt of the head, maybe i'll throw in some empty eye action
and just hold myself, my arms draped across the most sensitive parts of my body
at most, caressing my neck

faces....how many do you have?

closer
closer
closer
closer
closer
closer
closer
closer
he said
come closer

Blood
Little scarlet drops of life
cut cut cut
a little deeper
feel the life come and go

bout to suppress these emotions

-

Used to look up to the sky
not anymore
i'm one step closer \

did you ever wake up and think, i'm going to paint my lips today, i want to sugarcoat them x

why am I doing this to myself
why am I doing this to my mind
I can't help it
could you?
I should say something
but what's the point
with you?

do you remember that time you became me for attention?
can you teach me how to be myself again,
it's alright if you can't
i guess i'll just have to reprogram myself,
but the only issue is
so will you

So what's it gonna be?
are you in or out?
because if you're not in,
i'm walking out the door and taking myself with me

I need to talk to somebody about you
you spread through my entire being
until i am nothing but smoke

and i will never be

God why does this hurt so much

The book was left half open
The dream was only dreamt for half a night
The conversation was left unfinished
The thread unravelled
But....the thought of "what if" continued
Don't forget, don't make 'halfway' a habit
For halfway never gave way to anything of worth

I've learnt that the harder you try, the harder things become

the day i stop having to explain myself may just be the day where i finally breathe in contentment
restriction restriction restriction
i feel trapped
only free to move within boundaries
no explanations
no responsibilities
i just want to create
and do
and make
go out there
independence
i'm working with what i got but i don't need
3 years well nearly 2 to wait....or so help me

In the ancient, lives tragedy

"So we beat on, boats against the current..."

I start to internally scream at night?

A feeling of elation
When you think back to old memories
We all love who we used to be
It makes me smile
And the people that I used to be around
It makes me sad to live in the past
But it makes me even sadder to live in the present
And just half sad when I think about the future
Because the future is always better
But it's sad sometimes
When you know that one day
The future will just be another sad present

Everyday I ask myself
What can I want
When I have everything

I'm perfect and content in my world
But I crave the taste of another's
I'm comfortable with my own conflicts and pain
But nothing's as fun as inflicting conflicts on another person
And making them uncomfortable

Wait
What am I saying
I thought I was changing for the better
How could I be so casual about this
I forgot
I have to be normal for just a little while
So I guess I'll stop walking
And exit this forest
But I'll be back
One day
And I'll
Miss you little fox

Happy birthday to me.....

Close your eyes princess, you don't want to see this

i've lost my touch

Why did we have to get even
It's not like we ever gained control of a situation that has always been imbalanced
It's not like we will  

Why does it take me over
The urge To become someone I hate
Destruction
It rips everything apart
I
Rip everything apart
But it feels so good
Especially when I feel so bad
I like feeling this alive
Makes me question
If
I'm really
Dead