i'll play by the rules if you want me to
but that means i get to keep that chip on my shoulder
-
don't look into my eyes
you won't find what you're looking for
i buried that deep inside of me
-
do my hands shake?
my poker face gives nothing away
but my body always betrays me
-
open your heart for me
i'm your queen and i'll play you so well
-
want me to open my legs for you? just let me win
-
victory never tasted so sweet

she lives in shades of pink
cute as a button
but hot on your lips

he gives me life when he breathes so heavy right into my neck

did i do all of this for you..or did i bleed for myself?
was it pointless?
did bloodlust really leave me that blinded

feral, driven and desperate?

I should feel ashamed
but it just feels so good to bleed

opening this **** laptop up is like opening pandoras box

i wonder what it feels like to have an empty head]
to just sit there like a mindless and pretty doll
oblivious to the human feeling of buzzing thoughts

the joy of life is so brief
like the pain of a whip

and what is life for me?
i don't know yet

i guess i've always known what it could be
i just haven't decided

Love...Love...Love
i need you so much
i already have you
but i need more

what do i need? I need a different kind of love
a kind that i've never tasted

yeah..that's the one
the kind that keeps you awake at night in wonder, scared that it'll leave you

because you love it so much
the feeling
the person
the life

you love it so much
the life you never thought you would love

I just wanted to be pretty for you...
was that not enough?

It hurts to breathe
but it's so delicious
this toxic feeling is indescribable
but i want to keep chasing it
it feels so good


but i don't want to remember that day

forget about me

the most intense poetry you will ever write comes from the words that never get published and instead get erased by your blinking cursor
yeah that's right...beauty gone in the blink of a cursor

It's what you really want to say
it just never made the cut

maybe this is why we're all numb
because our real feelings never make the cut

we chop and erase and blend things to fit our sick agendas
but then again I guess this is me just stating the obvious

I'm a free soul bound by something divine
so tell me why my face is pressed against this glass window...yearning?
yeah I can't move mountains but that doesn't mean I can't take a leap of faith..right?
so tell me why I watch life pass me by...yearning

12:04..time is slowly killing me
but I'm so **** stubborn
******* father time
just like that busted up shop sign that flickers
I'm here to stay

I grew up to be sinful and it's so hot

I'm coming back but for something different this time
I'm still me....but I want more

What do I want?

I'll let time tell you that

there is so much beauty in our pain

we would never lay a finger on eachother
but we still wake up with bruises
i mean just the other night
i found the pattern of your ring embossed in my skin
but i'll swear to it, i am whole and have never been hit

there are cuts on my back,
deep scars in my gut,
but i have never been hit

there are stab wounds in my heart
but i swear I have only ever been stabbed in the back

the list goes on but i'm still baffled
why is my body so broken
why does my heart cry
why does my brain deceive me

people have hurt me with their words but i thought my body was stronger than that
i thought i was stronger than that
i thought i was impenetrable
i thought i was wearing armour

did it fall out along the way? was it just aluminium foil instead of titanium steel?

did i do this to myself?
are my questions hurting me?
who is hurting me?
do i deserve this?
should i fight back?

I thought i was fighting...
I'll try to keep going
but just a warning
i might give up
but i'll try for you

but i can't live without you

we tried that old trick
where you seal a crack with gold

you're lying to yourself
it doesn't look pretty

you're lying to yourself
it will never last

so maybe it's time to shatter things into pieces
and go our separate ways




p.s it's funny how you all will still believe that sometimes things have to fall apart to come together again. Think again, those pieces will get swept up and discarded in a lonesome and destructive landfill site. Get real before life forces you to...

It was intense sitting across from him but I mirrored his position and stared back into his eyes with the same intensity

I had to look away a few times
But so did he

I’ve played this game every day since I discovered who I really am
You may think you’re a challenge but just try me

suddenly she turned her head and there it was, the sun shone brightly and the trees swayed gently
She knew life would still be ****** up but at least she’ll get through today

it's almost as if i saw myself in the screen

she is the life we all deserve

i feel for you, i really do but sometimes i need you to feel for me too

a cry for help is the only cry that is never heard

i just want slash and stab this empty vessel that I call a body
rip out my guts and end it all
choke on my own blood
and finish myself once and for all

silent sobs left her shaking until she slowly faded away

do you remember that time you became me for attention?
can you teach me how to be myself again,
it's alright if you can't
i guess i'll just have to reprogram myself,
but the only issue is
so will you

So what's it gonna be?
are you in or out?
because if you're not in,
i'm walking out the door and taking myself with me

i've reached rock bottom,
i think i need a little help getting out
but i don't have a single soul that could help me

i should stop wallowing
i mean, what's the point of crying over loneliness when i could piece myself back together
that would mean i don't need a single soul....
right?
i could live in piece(s) with myself and 9 others who go by the same name but could never resemble me.

The lights look so warm in the distance...
I’m trying to grab them but can’t you see they don’t want to be held?

and now i can't breathe because she's all i can see
WHY GOD?....WHY ME??
I know all she wanted to do was sit by the sea.
I admit it, I failed, but even you could see,
how could i have taken her to sea,
when she was afraid of water?

Would you have punished me if i dragged her there against her will?
I thought i was doing right, but apparently not.
and now i'm stumbling and tripping over these stubborn knots that I tie every night just to keep sane and make myself feel like i have no loose threads hanging over my head for fear of a noose swooping down and taking me
so God if you're listening,
save me
before i choke on this word ***** and my sins that threaten to bury me.....save me

His eyes are shutting, his mind is spacing out and his body is shivering.
These tremors are no joke and they all seemed to lose hope when his eyes rolled back and he slowly started to fade away.
But nothing is as it seems, funnily enough this was really no overdose, just a man who lost hope in the moment...just like you.
So at night when you sit and ponder, spare a thought for him and lose yourself in wonder...that is before you go under,
and it's too late to repent.

You set my soul on fire

-

Just like lightning

but i'm still learning...

those eyes haunt me
one day i might slip into the cracks of your old weathered skin
and never stumble out again

i'm safe for now
but i can't shake this attraction

is it attraction? or is it self destruction?

Desire will set you on fire
And we’ll all perish
Whilst you burn brighter than ever

Wherever you are, our stories will always be with you...even if I am not

I can’t give in
I’ve gotta stay away
You’re a liability
Because
You’re another secret in my book
That I’ve got hide
  
And I’ve dedicated my life to hiding this part of me
So I’m scared
That my house of cards might come tumbling down
On my greatest high

i miss you...

The tide was unforgiving, so all I could do was watch...

looking at life through a lens is comforting

he's a danger, a liability

the sickness
began to rise
slowly up my throat

the shaking started
to rock my world

it was time to start coping with things
instead of being comfortable with things

Fake love

"So we beat on, boats against the current..."

I have to be cautious
When exploring the other side of me
Because if I fall in too deep
We're all going to die
But I'm falling
Deeper and deeper

I can hear screams from the rabbit hole

My name...
They scream it everyday
My life..
They are slowly taking it away

And the worst thing is

It's the closest thing I've ever felt to friendship
It's a comfort...one of life's many indulgences
To dabble in the darkness of the human psyche

It's satisfying
To walk into a zone that is so off limits
And to have everyone stare at you
Judging loudly and being curious silently

I offer to help those in wonder discover
The worst parts of themselves

But they leave
They just give up

Because secretly we are all afraid
To realise that hell resides within us

So we run
Closer and closer to the good within us
Until it's too late
And we get hurt
Because the good within us
Really isn't good at all

Black, white and grey are all different kinds of evils