i wonder just how much our distance broke us
grey thoughts to red actions to nothing
a flame that barely licks at me now
a single flame
i don't always feel it
sometimes it burns
sometimes i notice it

but never mind

i don't feel like i exist
or maybe i don't feel like existing

life scares me
i'm overwhelmed
and confused

she's all ripped fishnets and random thoughts
fake vampire fangs with a thirst for fun
cherry lips that just pop
flushed cheeks that turn you on
with thoughts as cold as ice

she loves wild fantasies and getting lost in love
she fears growing up
she has no regrets but can't let go of the past

she's on the mind of everyone she meets
they just can't let her go

she's darkness in every way but oh so cute
cold hands hidden in sweater paws
and little cat ears on her head
with a love of violence

to be by your side
is such a lovely place to cry

push me to my limit
I just don't care
i never cared
not once
destroy me
push me to my limit
till i can't breathe

hold me close against your chest
feel my heart race
my short breath
we're on fire
thing's don't seem real anymore
blurred lines
you cross every line
feel the danger
explore the space in between black and white

don't dry my tears
don't muffle my cries
make me scream
feel the fear
voices in my head
are they real?

shout at me
hit me
be sweet to me
am i really your baby\?

take it to the next level
i want extreme
this isn't real
it can't be

i'm trying to get to you
i'm so scared
help me find my way
those veins
i won't trace them to find my way

i'm hot
and you're laughing
your name won't leave my lips
your eyes, they're blown out

is that blood?

silence is so comforting to me right now
but it frustrates me in equal measure

when i move against you
i'm alive again

these memories mean nothing, I don't need them anymore
i just sit there and romanticise things that aren't even real

the past isn't real
it was pure imagination

i'll keep telling myself that

Looking for somebody that's batshit crazy
like f*cking insane

hmu if this is you <3

if we traced the white lines on this cracked mirror
i'm sure we'd both find the x

my existence is really getting to me at the moment
living as an adult is so empty
my true feeling is that i don't know how much longer i can take this
i'm still a really long way away from something like 30 but i would honestly consider ending things there

there's just nothing
life is empty
the years worth living have been lived, there's just nothing
i can't take my own existence anymore

can anyone hear me?
or am i just screaming in to the void

you're the closest thing i ever had to intimacy , maybe that's why i refuse to let go
every part of me is sickened by you
but i crave you in equal measure

do i love you because i love you?
or do i love you because you've been here since i was a child?
because i don't know anything else but you?

you're the closest thing to home
the thing is, home to me has always been somewhere i've ran away from
but i never forget home

so lost so alone

you make me sick


so why do i still miss you?

i really wish i had someone to talk to right now

Man it’s tough being this **** and depressed

Please kindly do not perceive me, I am not real. I am a concept

Can we trace the lines on this broken mirror and find our way home?

why why why why why why why why why

Hits backspace on every thought and emotion

Now I’m laying here, ******* on the floor
I tried to fill the void  

Fingers sticky with my sin
I feel empty

I guess this wasn’t the answer after all

How did I end up here again

I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate my self

I wish it would feel good to scream

When I’m happy I feel like it’ll last forever
But it never does

C H E R R Y

Cherry kisses
Flushed cheeks
Cherry pop

In my dreams
You weren’t real
You were perfect
You weren’t human

It felt so real
But you weren’t

My skin is on fire
Burning with sin

Let’s burn together

I feel stuck

Is anybody out there?
Can you hear me?
I could use some company right now
Small talk or life stories
Anything

Maybe we don’t have to talk about those things

I just need to get lost in something...someone

Why do I feel so empty?
I’m so bored
So blank
Emotionless
Monotone
Confused
Barely surviving, hanging by a thread
A slave to my desires

Why?
Help me understand

i love the darkness within us
why won't you unleash it a little more?

the old me no longer impresses me anymore

all this writing on the wall      does nothing for me/
i thought it would make me feel whole again
but i was wrong

every time i'm happy i think it will last forever]
but it never does

was it real?

it all felt so real

i'm scared and i'm on edge

it's too late it's just too late

growing up i was fascinated by the feeling of your head breaking through the water's surface
now i'm addicted to the feeling of drowning

no that's too violent, too extreme - it's not like that at all

more like falling
or floating

just letting myself fall, deeper and deeper
the sound of the world getting more and more faint
the more i fall
but it's okay because everything is so calm, so peaceful and so still

in liquid, the world freezes for me
i become fluid, the only thing that moves
the only constant thing

something that i can focus on
the feeling of falling
while the world stops around me

it's too late to try and swim back up to the surface
even if i wanted to
i can't even panic
because nothing matters at that point
the damage is done
i may be moving but my body, my mind is still

12:36 am
everyone is asleep

i'm still so lost - who am i?
what do i want?

i know i'm supposed to be tough
a little girl all grown up now
but i feel so small
so scared and so unsure

CAN YOU FEEL ME THE WAY I FEEL YOU??
DO YOU WANT ME THE WAY I WANT YOU??
DOES YOUR HEART YEARN FOR ME IN WAYS UNEXPECTED TOO??
TELL ME IM NOT THE ONLY THATS CRAZY
TELL ME THAT YOU ARE TOO

the feeling of your collar brushing against my cheek
The texture of your white shirt
It feels so good on my skin
I can feel your body underneath it
So hard and protective

The sound of your heartbeat in my ear
The feeling of your hand in mine
Your voice in my ear
The warmth between us when you take me in your arms

The softness of your lips when I tried to steal a kiss
The tear stain on your shoulders when you said not now

That thick blue denim underneath my legs when you put me on your lap

That unsureness between two familiar strangers
That deep voice when you tell me I’m pretty

The way I melt into your touch when you run your fingers through my long black hair

Us.

waiting for someone to turn the key

i ****** up again
i keep doing this over and over and over and over and over and over and over again

is anyone else scared that the kind of love they want does not exist and is unattainable? i think about it all the time

schoolbooks always thrown on the floor while i explore another world for a few hours

i have nothing else to say but i don't want to leave

i write on here for ME
because day by day my memory feels like it's fading
fading so fast

i won't understand a single word written
but i'll always know that i felt something at some point