You know things are bad when Dostoyevsky says something and you can relate

When I think about me I think about him

As the night closes in I think about how  loneliness is not about the absence of people in our lives, rather it is the people around us and our lack of interest in them that makes us feel lonely

I've always gotten lost in my head, thinking about all the ways I could cut my flesh open and destroy myself, to finally end myself
-
some time elapsed and I finally realised that it is not death that I long for but just pain
-
I want to take myself apart piece by piece
to feel at peace and feel that sweet release

the highs of mania and the lows of depression are harder to ride as time goes on
especially when I can't find any answers
especially when I can't understand myself or the world around me
-
suffocating on my emptiness
I walk around
yet I am nowhere to be found

S for say
say something to me

somewhere between the drink that burns my throat and Anderson Paak's voice, i find my thoughts drifting to the same place they always do