i ****** up again
i keep doing this over and over and over and over and over and over and over again

is anyone else scared that the kind of love they want does not exist and is unattainable? i think about it all the time

schoolbooks always thrown on the floor while i explore another world for a few hours

i have nothing else to say but i don't want to leave

i write on here for ME
because day by day my memory feels like it's fading
fading so fast

i won't understand a single word written
but i'll always know that i felt something at some point

it's time for the story to begin again i guess
i woke up
slowly, but i woke up

it stirred inside of me
i feel so alive

that cold shiver
it takes over my body
coursing through me
sapping me of my energy
a parasite
i'm a mess
long black hair

but i'll make you so happy <3

when your hands gripped the counter
when your breath got stuck in your throat

when i smiled and laughed all night long
when your eye twitched
hold it in hold it in..please (i would whisper)

you snapped
of course i saw
i felt it

i tried to convince myself that you weren't real
BECAUSE YOU DID NOT EXIST

it never worked
i couldn't shake you
i couldn't shake that feeling

i always give in to that dark bliss
that black intoxication .. so inviting and warm .. an unfamiliar place that feels so much like home