There are so many times I want to tell you I'm sorry for taking so long to find you.

There are so many different reasons why I meandered down all the wrong routes in a long maze that somehow led to you.

There are so many different ways I've written about you, so many different ways I've yet to make you pen to paper, ink upon lines.

There are so many different things running trough my mind when you slowly lean in to kiss me-

Like if I had known how you kiss, maybe I'd have found you sooner,

Or if I had known you were so understanding, I wouldn't have put that to the test,

Or even if I'd known someday I wouldn't have every day to be with you,

Maybe I would have found you sooner.

But I'm here now. And I'm not going anywhere until I have to.

I know this will end. We have an expiration date, a "Best Used By" stamp, a date set for when we have to say good by but that's okay.

Because I'm here now.

And I know my youth is a factor, the idea that we can't get too attached because of age and circumstance but I like you, and for so many different reasons.

There are so many different reasons why I'm happy to look at you and know you're mine,

Even if it's just for now.

I heard somewhere that beautiful things never last,

And that's why fireflies flash-

It must be the sparkle in your eyes when you laugh,

Or the way your smile lights up your face.

Those things don't last forever either,

But I might remember them for that long because there were so many times I didn't get to tell you these things.

There were so many times I wanted to cup your face in my hands and kiss you.

So I am sorry it took me so long to be here, to be within your grasp-

But I'm here now.

We are just a flash in the grand scheme of things,

But I think we're one hell of a flash regardless-

Like fireworks illuminating the night sky,

Like the North star shining more than any other, guiding people home.

If I would have known you would be a light in my life,

Maybe I would have found you sooner.

If you try to hurt me with your words
You fail
Because I've completely eliminated you
From my heart
From my mind
If you think I care about someone
Who doesn't care about me
Think again
You couldn't be more wrong
I have nothing left for you
Nothing
Except for regret
I regret you
But I got over that regret
The second I got rid of you
The second my eyes were opened
By someone who's actually worthy of my love

Sometimes I try
to write about you
and I want to add
a line, something like
"and this is the last poem
I'll ever write for you."

But I know I can't ever do that.
You and I both know
I'd never be able
to truthfully say that.
Because if I'm being honest,
I'll always be writing about you.
I'll always be writing to you.
Your first love is the poem
you never ever stop writing.
I'll always be revising that poem,
always adding verses;
and of course it can never be perfect,
but in a way that's why it's beautiful.

So that's what you are to me—
the poem I'll always be writing,
revising,
rearranging,
living.
It'll always start with and come down to you.
The poem I'll carry around with me
in the little notebook I call my heart,
with scribbles in the margins
and notes to myself between stanzas.
You're the poem I'm going to reference
in every single other thing I write.
You're the crumpled piece of paper
pulled out of the back pocket of my memories
whenever anyone asks about the first time.
You're the ink in my pen
as it hits the paper
and you're every word I write with that ink.

And as far as first drafts go…
I'm really happy with what you gave me to work with.

This is a poem
about the day we first met,
and how you'd always say you knew
before even talking to me
that we'd get along.

This is a poem
about the book I was reading on day two,
and how you made fun of me
because some of the pages
still had pictures.

This is a poem
about your nickname,
and how I always thought it suited you
since it reminded me
of coffee mugs.

This is a poem
about your eyes,
and how they'd crinkle at the corners
and sparkle a lot
whenever you laughed.

This is a poem
about your laugh,
and how even though it was way too loud
it always sounded
a lot like music to me.

This is a poem
about a leather chair,
and how we'd always argue
over who got to sit in it
but ended up sharing anyway.

This is a poem
about my first kiss,
and how it took you way too long
to pick up on subtleties
but you made up for it pretty well.

This is a poem
about your beat-up Camry,
and how whenever I'd ask you
where we were driving this time
you'd only ever say "forward" or "adventure."

This is a poem
about clichés,
and how whenever I'm describing you
they're the only thing that comes to mind
even though I know it's lame.

This is a poem
about the first time I fell in love,
and how through everything that happened
I couldn't have asked for
a better first than you.

This is a poem
about the church parking lot,
and how the way you said goodbye
made me feel literally sick
and I didn't think the hurt would go away.

This is a poem
about you,
and how I can't still imagine myself
with anyone more amazing
than everything you were.

This is a poem
about us,
and how the ending came too soon
but I still wouldn't dare go back
to ever change a single moment.

Everything I hoped for
in what tonight would be
wasn't nearly as good as
everything it was.

It's been a long time,
as in since ever,
since I've been comfortable
around a person I've only just met.

But even if it's only been a week
of missing you and waiting
to be able to see you again,
it almost feels as if
I've spent my entire life
missing you and waiting
to see you again.

Because in your arms it felt
exactly how it does
after trying several different pieces
to see if they fit just right
into the square of the puzzle,
to finally find
the perfect match
that simply clicks
perfectly into place
and makes things more beautiful
than one piece alone could ever manage.

I

looked into his eyes
overlooking the pain in mine
vanity
enveloped all other emotion

touching him
overtook my heart with
overwhelming devastation

i
never
thought he wouldn't change his mind
even after my pleas, my tears he
never budged on his
stance to
erase me from his
life and leave me
yearning.