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If I could have you back
for just one day,
I’d tell you all the things
I never did say…

I’d tell you I love you
and that I always will,
I’d tell you all my joys
even my little thrills.

I’d tell you my dreams
and sadness’s too,
I’d tell you my dark secrets
that you never knew…

I’d tell you about the love
deep in my heart,
I’d tell you of the day
I was torn apart…

I’d tell you how I miss you
and wish you were here,
I’d tell you everything
I hold so dear…

If I could have you back
for just one day,
I’d find a way
to continue the stay…
~
Sometimes the feeling of loss and grief can overtake you in a second, leaving tears streaming down your face. Sometimes, just by a smell, like the smell of lilacs floating through the air on a cool spring evening.

Just having a bad “Miss You Dad” day…
July 4th will be five years since he's been gone, it doesn't seem that long.
I went through my pictures today
And I realized I used to be happy.
Something I haven’t been in a while.

The person I see in those photos
Is not the same person looking back through the mirror;
There’s a faint resemblance, nothing more.

I used to smile and laugh, always so joyful;
I still do, but it’s no longer genuine
No longer healthy.

People used to say my smile made their day
And all I could think was
It’s just a smile, how can it make such a difference?

I never understood what they meant
When they said the smile should be seen in the eye;
That there should be a glitter, a sparkle.

Now when I laugh, when I smile,
It’s polite, lacking reassurance
Missing the light heartened warmth

I went through my pictures today
And I realized I used to be happy.
I finally know what that glitter, that sparkle is.
.
.
.
It’s what’s missing from the mirror.
I have memorized every inch of him
in hopes that when he goes
I might still have something left

but his picture fades with everyday
and now I have only shapes and shadows
of the man that I love
With love,
kelsey
I’ve never received a flower
Or even a rose
But I’m a guy
So it’s acceptable I suppose
No kisses
Or sweets
No treats
That signifies ones feelings for me
No token of ones love
But I have gotten
Disappointment
Watered with hate
Planted in betrayal
Fertilized with lies
And maintained by fakes
Roses are Red
But my roses are dead
And crumble beneath my feet
And suddenly
Sundays were the worst days to exist
A reality dragging at my feet
Bags packed
Heart in hand
I wish I could stay
I don't want to leave
I hate the road
It's harsh for me
Sundays come too soon
Monday drags the week
I wish I could close my eyes
So Sundays don't exist
I would die for you even if I didn't have to

With red rivers on my wrists
I just want to be loved
To not be criticized for everything I do
I want to be loved
For who I am
Tear away perfection
Take away my mask
I just want to be loved
No strings attached
No "you are so mature I wouldn't have you any other way"
I just want to be loved
To feel safe and protected
And not be someone else
I just want to be loved
Not live up to the standards that have been set
Not to feel always pressured to stay being loved
I just want to be loved
Silence was a canvas
And no one could paint it like you could

— The End —