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 Mar 2014 Edward Alan
CR
I hear your voice echo on the walls of the Tiffany box—

hello hello
hello

hello

—with that southern-belle cadence
you spoke with always, like when you
told us we never had to knock, just
come in through the garage

on my graduation day I opened it for the first time
little silver teardrop on a little silver chain
delicate, like all of you, except your fingers
delicate, like the line you’re walking now

your robin’s-egg antique pickup gathering dust as I am miles away
sheepdog going deaf, legs shaky when she stands

I only allotted for that one loss this year.

on new year’s morning when we all
stomached the black eyed peas for tennessee good will
hung over and sweet-heavy with cinnamon rolls
and decadent, permanent, big hardy love
I spent my wish on the usual

and hey, maybe a couple more years for the dog.

hello hello

hello

hello

hello?


your lilting voice echoes every time I put on that necklace
and feel you, savor you around my neck for every
wine-drunk dinner and every nantucket porch photograph—


god if I would have known to wish on that
you
your soul echoes
at the curve of my wrist

tired
eyes
warm
making my heart
beat a little bit faster
a little bit slower

a slow smile
as if you can tell
the story
of each wing
of the butterflies
moving inside of me
their speed
what it takes
to be captured

i smile
and look away
and when i look back
you are already there
 Mar 2014 Edward Alan
Jess Ram
When you hurt me, I kept quiet,
I took my pain, folded it neatly,
and tucked it away into the deepest
and most unreachable chamber of my heart.

Perhaps it had something to do with  
the constant wear and tear to my beating *****,
but I slipped that day, and a whisper
of those words I had so well hidden,
escaped from their confinement.

They tugged on the edge of my lips
and poured out with a insatiable need
to be heard.

I had wondered time and time again
what you would say if these words came out,
the only thing I could have never anticipated
was the silence.
 Mar 2014 Edward Alan
it's ok
I accepted to myself that I'm in love with you
it might be a little late,
and I don't want to date,
but it's all there,
I swear
and I got drunk one night and got *******
at the same person I held hands with
because whiskey makes me emotional
they told me they wanted me to love myself
and I said no
I said "I will never care about myself
or find myself beautiful
I'll always hate me
but that's okay, I've figure out how to live with it."
I've crying over the shame my blades hold
and how I sliced my skin the same night
I told you everything
I just wish I could accept the smaller things
the ones I cannot control
Everyone deserves to die
For something or other
Every man is a murderer
Every woman a *****
In that we take what is not ours
And do what we must, to get what we want
And what we need
To keep going
Stealing seconds
Slivers of breaths
Slivers of sleep, shattered by
Screaming-silent dreams
By the roaring fires over which we dance
Caught in this beautiful
Nightmare
Caught sleeping in the
Inferno
With only one way out
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