Fear and panic sweep over me.
I need to move
but I'm paralyzed by my need for normalcy.
One pop of a pill and it will drift away,
and I will sleep.

But sleep is for the weak,
or is sleep for the week?
That's what my body
bounces back and forth between.
There is no middle.
No start.
Eventually an End.

The inner meaning of desire
bounces from my heart to my head,
as if it is the ball in a pin ball machine.
I try to fight off this anxious feeling,
though it is a chemical imbalance in my brain.
Why do I fight with the chemicals in my body?

I fight to feel normal.
I fight to not rely on a simple pop of a pill that my doctor gives me.
She tells me to take it when I need it, she trusts me.
Sometimes I feel that trust is too much.
Because this anxiety is a metaphor for life,
and I know that problems cannot be solved, by one simple solution.
I fight to be strong.

It's
bleeding rain,ripping through and
dripping out of the sky again
anyone got a
bandage?

To be alone is not so tragic,
to be alone, and yet at peace is magic
but oh to be alone with you
That my love is magic meant for two,
For in this life are many troubles,
we both have more than just a few
but when I see the love that lies behind your eyes
My troubles fade from view
And my world is born anew.

I.
While raging tempests shake the shore,
While Ælus’ thunders round us roar,
And sweep impetuous o’er the plain
Be still, O tyrant of the main;
Nor let thy brow contracted frowns betray,
While my Susanna skims the wat’ry way.

               II.
The Pow’r propitious hears the lay,
The blue-ey’d daughters of the sea
With sweeter cadence glide along,
And Thames responsive joins the song.
Pleas’d with their notes Sol sheds benign his ray,
And double radiance decks the face of day.

               III.
To court thee to Britannia’s arms
  Serene the climes and mild the sky,
Her region boasts unnumber’d charms,
  Thy welcome smiles in ev’ry eye.
Thy promise, Neptune keep, record my pray’r,
Not give my wishes to the empty air.

I sat on a hill one morning
6:00
One morning

The foggy blue sky
Became
A melting red strawberry
With a pinch of peaches
And coffee cream
Painted on the sky

The grass freshly wet
From the morning dew
Oh I wish I could put it in a tea cup
I would sip it all up
Down my ribs it will go
Painted on my lips
That'll do...
A sad tree leaning on its lover
All the others looking
Jealous
Of the love they hold
On the tips of there wooden fingers

The sun coming up slowly
Burning everything with the word
"Beauty"

My fingers sinking in the soft dirt
Reminding me of my morning coffee
Riding up to my nails

The morning of the day
Putting the haze and daze
In my eyes

I think of her
And her green,brown,beautiful eyes

And I drown
In the earths tears

I first met God when from me he bummed a cigarette,
I asked him how I can win this bet,
and to let go of her and be ok,
he asked which girl with a smile in a way,
I said all of them because I just want to hear all of them say,
you were alright,
he took a drag and said we had met before,
when I was again in Florida I was feeling this down and poor,
we had a drink,
you asked what this life was all about,
and with a smile with shades of a pout,
I told you that only you could figure that out,
his cigarette was done and so was mine,
I asked again if this was just a waiting line,
or just a road covered with dust,
he flicked it and said that I always will have my lust,
for the future,
for the present,
for the past,
and I may feel like in the line I am last,
but really there is no line or road,
and this isnt a secret code,
he said I was ok,
then asked for another cigarette.

I saw her in an open field,
a stick sword I saw her wield,
screaming and waving the stick around,
but there was no sound,
just a rustling of leaves in the wind,
that's when her eyes shot like a pin,
at mine,
and she smiled so shyly, so fine,
I was awkward and fell when I started towards her,
the wind stopped and electricity started to stir,
I asked her if we could someday be in love in French,
she smiled shyly again and punched my arm,
and called me a maiden *****,
I picked up a stick and told her to duel,
for the fire was getting fuel,
she threw down her stick,
and I went for a kiss but my nose she decided to lick,
staring with an awkward smile she pushed my cheeks,
and kissed me as I could feel my heart peaks,
awkward and my hand started to sweat,
I awoke with the feeling of winning a bet,
I will wait till tonight,
because you may not be real or in sight,
but that just means I havnt met you yet.

More I write,
aboot her,
it might make her real.