my head felt heavy as I reached in front of me
my heart felt like it was collapsing
I couldn't really think
and I'm not sure if I could even see

everything was red
and you were blue

the wall built around you matched
the color of your piercing eyes as they stared into my soul

your words, hot like coal, made it hard for me to speak

I told you the truth and not anything in between

Do you question me when I look you in the eye?

six feet a p a r t
please stand six feet a p a r t
do not touch your face
do not gather with others
do not go outside
do not
do not

DO NOT -

Mother Nature has taken back all that she has once offered
Her sunsets have become more beautiful than ever
Her air is finally better to breathe

six feet apart

on the street corner adjacent from my house
people are waiting for the light to turn green
standing no less than six whole feet apart


please stand six feet apart

even more so now
the people of the city are treating others like they have the plague - for good reason


do not touch your face

as more pimples arise that usual
I am fighting internal and external battles
of picking every last one of them until they bleed


do not gather with others

the amount of barren space in the park is sinister
everyone alone - unless they are coupled


do not go outside

the trees are breathing
the earth is singing
the oceans are cleaning


do not
do not
DO NOT


six feet apart
or
six feet under

do you understand the rules of the game?

I am jealous of the sheets that hold you
of the way that the sun kisses your face in the morning
of the water in the shower that caresses your skin
of the shoes you slip on
of the boxers hugging your hips
the soap you pump into your palms
the cats watching you dance in the kitchen,

I am jealous of all the things you wouldn't think
and not about the things you would.

social distancing
is something I've been practicing for awhile

I learned it when I was younger
when I was locked in that place

the place with the whitest walls I've ever seen,
the place where eyes weren't eyes,
bodies weren't bodies,
souls weren't souls,
we were all struggling
just to get by
just to get o u t

I don't really like to go back to that place
in my mind
in my head
no, nope, not going back there.

I don't mind the forced distance this time

I've been staring at this blank page for over an hour -
trying to think of s o m e t h i n g other than you.

the emotions that could be collected from the entirety of the world wouldn't be able to match what I am feeling about you, "this," "us,"

In the calmest of moments, I am flooded with butterflies -
swarming through my stomach
fluttering their wings.
one of them (I swear) is a hummingbird
humming the most melodic of melodies
soothing my soul
swooning my heart.

In the shakiest of moments,
with the most shocking of news,
I am still
flooded
with
butterflies.
you embrace me and b r e a t h e.
I am relaxed
I am calm

I am here

You bring me back.


I feel softer than I've ever felt-
softer than I ever was

I feel that feeling
that feeling I felt on Christmas morning
seventeen ******* years ago
surrounded by my family, by love, by laughter,

pure bliss...

unadulterated bliss.


you bring me back to someone I've always wanted to find again.

you
bring
me
back

I'm not going anywhere.

days feel like dreaming lately
so much so that I don't think I've
even had the chance to dream

the world is spinning
      faster than it usually does

my head is spinning
      faster than it usually does

my heart is heavy
my hands are sweaty

sweet dreams are not made of these.

it's 2:45am
i woke up from dreaming about you

your eyes
bluer than the waters of the gold coast
sweeter than honey, there's an amber tint

your voice
calmer than most
humming harmonious hymns inside my ear drums

your hands softer than velvet
swifter than silk
caressing my skin

your chest is the perfect place
to rest my head
such a tremendous heart
filled with so much  

most nights my dreams are repressed
most nights they mean nothing

this is not a night like most nights

I haven't had one of those since we met