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The only reason I write is because....
There are words, solitary and un-empowered., unemployed.
Single, yet, Singular.

I de-file them, dis-organize,  tabulate their DNA,
Recombinant, transgenderize, tenderize!

Clichés banned, need chunky pieces of  
Shock and saucy sounds that once said aloud,
Never stand still, reverberate, days after first
Spoke.

Words that spoke, spike, such that
Days from now you will come back to this poem,
Sheepish, because you
Spiked,
When these words, you
Spoke.


Thus impaled,
You mine mine veins, thrombosis temples pulse,
You will close contact with your ven,
Intersect memory and prophecy
And never write again the same way.

For having left the sanctuary of the familiar,
You will find the truest safety,
Is
None.

Answer the posed uniquely, then,
You memberize in the company of poets.
This oath believed and bespoke
Both burdened and enlightened,
You, tuned and turned,
Speak:

The only reason I write is...
Because




August 29th 2013
If You Love Me Outside In
Then,
I will love your
insides,
till I wear them
out.


August 29th 2013
Humans: We see the exterior first and foremost, then we delve in slowly and surely.  Once inside, then real love can be fertilized and prosper.  Once inside....
Under the gnarled mesh
The shrinking crust
Down the mantle
Collapsing on the core
The child is sinking.

Under the sinful loads
The shrinking space
The burden of knowing
Transforming into despair
The child is sinking.

Under the wise care
The vanishing imagination
The pressure of achievement
Lightening speed to grow up
The child is sinking.

Give it space to timely age
Give it time to leisurely laze
Let it be heard.

Let not the child be a caged bird.
A zero on its own may hold no value
But add a zero to 10 and behold you get a 100
And the value of zero seems to increase exponentially
Just think in terms of 100,000, add a zero and walla! it's 1,000,000

So, it gives rise to the question
What is really the value of zero
Does Zero mean nothing?
Or does it depend on how you place it?

What if a manager said, 'the production showed zero growth rate'
Would the management shout in glee or consider firing?
Is it silly to think zero is valueless when logically
adding zero at the end of any number only makes it more by tens?

Yes, I'm certifiably crazy but that is not the point!
The point is life is full of paradoxes
So why is that we adamantly stick to one theory of belief
When any number of theories could be true or not
like birth and death and yes of course 'God'!
They Are Lost Love Letters. Written & Sculpted, Imprinted On The Palms Of Praying Children.

They Are Hauntingly Beautiful.

They Are The Silence Of The Storm, They Are The Emptiness Of Shallow Graves.

All She Left Was “I'm Sorry” On The Bathroom Mirror In Red Lipstick, She's Said It So Many Times Her Body Is Now Bent Into A Permanent Benediction Of Regret.

He Wrote Five Drafts Of His Suicide Note Crossed Every T, Dotted Every I.

Now They Wear Self Inflicted Scars, Like Road Maps To Their Own Insanity.

It Was Her Palm Across The Diner Table At 3am. Her Skin Like Rose Petals Pressed In Submission, Smiling, Teeth Pulled Taunt Across Her Chapped Lips, Smiling, Telling Me She Hasn't Eaten In Three Days, Says The Sounds Of Her Body Eating Her Alive Helps Her Sleep At Night.

His Eyes, Angry And Blue, Told Me He Put A Down Payment On His Coffin Today. He'd Been Saving His Pennies For Five Years Now, Don't Tell Me This Wasn't Premeditated.

It Was The Way Her Body Vibrated Aching In Every Joint, Throbbing, Screaming Into Herself So Loudly Her Palms Shook. On The Way To Work In The Morning, Says Sometimes She Can Hear The Wind Whispering To Step In Front Of That Train, Says She Can Lick Her Lips And Taste Heaven.

The Way He Wore A Crooked Half Smile, Pouring GunShot After Gunshot Down His Throat. The Sting Reminded Him Of Wintertime In The Midwest, Told Me Could Feel The Tubes Clawing Their Way Down His Throat. Someday He'll Met A Heart Monitor With The Guts To Tell His Mother Sorry For Him, Because He Never Could.

She Filled Her Bathtub With Ice, She Fantasizes About The Layers Of Flesh Shes Been Suffocating In For So Long, Finally Being Numb.

The Way He Begged The Stars To Call Him Home, Closed His Eyes, As His Right Foot Craved The Gas Pedal, Screaming Through This Red Light, So He Can Finally Come Face To Face With The Angry God So Many People Pray To.

She Wanted To Trace The Lineage Of Her Family Tree Deep Into Her Veins, Up The Length Of Her Riverbed Skin, Until She Can Kiss The Underside Of Her Own Touch.

In The Early Hours Of The Morning, He Finds Himself Crawling On Bruised Hands & Scraped Knees, Cradled Against Train Tracks, He Liked The Constant Thunder In His Ribcage, The Promise Of Something So Much Bigger Than Him Dwelling Inside The Body He Has Been Calling Home.

She Wanted To Wrap The Tether Of Regret Around Her Throat, Ring Her Lungs Breathless, Tighter, Tighter, Until The Time Between The Rise And Fall Of Her Chest Felt Like Centuries.

He Stood Face To Face With A Motionless Sky, A Shade Of Grey So Empty He Could Feel It Ache Inside Of Him. It Begged Him To Step Forward, Just Inches, The Call Of The Void, Bridge Jumper, Harlequin Lost Lover, So Close, So Close.

She Held The Barrel Of Life Between Her Lips, A Fine Line Between Here And There. Shes Walking A Boundary Built In Her Blood. It Doesn't Hurt Yet. A Trigger Happy Hand, Palms Sweating, Shes Counting Down In Her Head, 3, 2, 1,

He's Got “Wide Awake” Written All Over Him, The Bottle Says Take One, But He's Got 53 In The Palm Of His Hand, She's Got Gasoline Seeping Into Her Skin, The Smell Of Smoke Has Never Been This Strong.

They've Been Journaling Their Lives Deep Into Leather-bound Notebooks For Someone To Remember, They've Swallowed Their Own Self Pity, Call It Poison.

She  Never Knew I Would Have Used My Fingertips As Windshield Wipers For Her Tears. I Would Have Placed My Open Palms Against His Chest, And Told Him He Mattered, At Least To Me, In This Moment, Brash And Reckless Healing,

They Told Me They Found A Muse In The Lost. Hopeless Melodies, Kurt Cobain. Sylvia Path With Stones In Her Pockets. ****** With Cyanide Tablets And Silver Born Bullets. Anne Sexton With Carbon-Monoxide Lungs And A Padlocked Volkswagen. Marilyn Monroe Silver Studded In Sedatives, Pulled Down Deep, Until There Was Nothing Left. Hemingway With Shotgun Shells Littering His Skull.

To Them It Seemed Like A Right Of Passage. A Last Attempt To Leave This Planet Screaming. A Better Than Goodbye. Something Poetic To Carve Into Your Skin, Or Flip Top Wooden Desk, So Someone Somewhere Would Remember The Name, Because They Were Told Legends Never Die.
This one is real personal. Hope it resonates with you, like it does with me.
Iron Jawed Angel.*
Unoriginal & Unwritten. Unseen, And Unforgiven. I Hoarded Words, Stashed Them In The Empty Rooms That Are My Body. Achingly Delicate Lyrics In The Spaces Between My Ribs, Heartbroken Heroes Behind My Eyelids, Folded Lines On Bar Napkins In The Space Behind My Knee, Or The Backbone *****-Stamp Of A Loveless Beauty. I Was Dying To Make This Skin My Own. Cover Myself In Metal Jackets That Could Scare Away The Sorrow. I Had Empty Promises In My Fingertips, Friday Night Serenades Pressed Into My Collar Bones, Recklessness On Repeat, Pleated Across The Lines Of My Tongue. And The Words Rose Up, Frothing Around My Wrists, Rising Over Scalded Flesh, *Popping
Balloons And Swallowing Bruises. Sought Out Landmines To Call Home, And Found Solstice In The Explosions Of Fading Glory.
If I like you, you'll know it.
If I love you, I'll show it.
If we decide to plant that seed,
then we'll most definitely grow it.

If I'm offering my time & my mind & my thoughts,
Then like a firefly, I'm just waiting to be caught.

If I'm putting in the effort and I'm willing to commit,
I'll expect the same from you, through the thin & through the thick.

If you invest yourself in us and simply give me all you got,
I'll let down my walls and love again, and never ever stop.

If you catch me as I'm falling, and won't let me hit the ground,
I'll show you where chivalry's been hiding; I'll let you hear love's beautiful sound..
Caramel apple, lemon lime
As sweet as it was, we committed a crime
We were as one, but only in my mind
Beautiful sinner, with a love so divine
Vivid memories of our better times
Roam my every thought. By love I was blind
Guilt mixed with distance created the signs
Of our inevitable and painfully heartbreaking decline
You were the right person, just at the wrong time
Presented with a plank, we walked that straight line
We sank together slowly, your hand in mine
Yet as I drowned in sorrow, you made it out just fine
These words are my own. These words are my emotions, my honesty. Honesty allows a creative outlet that succeeds past mediocre and catches the attention while captivating the heart. It's my duty to the people to use my story to help them understand theirs.  My story is still being written, and I know there are a million other emotions I have yet to feel. My pen records those moments, each emotion. If its worth feeling, it's worth writing down. From my heart flow, they pour out. My anger, sadness, disappointment, loneliness, recovery, love, confidence, confusion, fear, and most of all strength. My pen is mightier, saving myself from my emotions. I hope my emotions help someone escape from theirs.
I want a break.
Just a day spent in silence, away from the world.
No one, not even myself.
I wish I could just isolate my mind from my body for just a day.
No one I'm forced to interact with, no one to give a fake emotion to.
For just a **** day I want someone to care about me. To see past the walls I build to meet their needs, and see I'm unhappy too. We're all unhappy.
I'm sick of being a friend.
I want to play the victim for a change.
I don't give a **** about your problems, I have my own. But I take the time to make your problems mine to help you through.
Why can't I just be my own everything?
No one can care about me the way I do, or see when something is actually wrong. But how could they? I always seem so strong. Everyday is a different suicide note that I'm too cowardly to sign.
But lord knows I'm tired of hurting, stressing, settling.
Just tell me why my hurt matters the least when I work the hardest, give the most.
If this is what all of life is like, just drop me off here.
I'm dying in a self preservation society.
There's no one left to care about me, not even me.
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