"Stop breathing."
Is what he should've said when he told me to stop writing poems. He thought they revealed too much, too much imagery, hit too close to home.
It was like I was hearing someone tell me to stop living, stop being myself, someone I had given up so much for already. Hearing this person attempt to abort my aspirations when they were just taking off.

He was my muse, an art written in his honor and I just needed to release the feelings he'd blessed with me whether good or bad. I sacrificed telling the public eye, letting the world know I was in love because he wasn't always sure. But I always was and my art was to reassure him if he ever wondered.

All his wondering just led him to doubt and with doubt the more controlling he became: deleting any and everything related to him in my phone. He'd remind me no was was to know, and would only see me in the darkest room of the darkest hour of the day when most's days were already done. He tried to shake this etch-a-sketch that was an illusion of us, and he never could totally rid the world of evidence because I was still breathing, loving, writing about the love that used to exist. To delete me would be the final step to ending all doubt and stop our legacy He just needed to stop me from breathing.

You mean to tell me that was a year ago?
Seems like just yesterday...
If I could make time stand still
I would've lived that moment forever
Because it was the start
The best part
Being anxious and excited for what's to come next
When things are easy
Yes I could've lived last summer forever
Because this summer is the end of so many things
But everything seems so much easier when we're good, when you're around
I could've lived that first kiss forever
Had I known each one seems closer and closer to the end
Just a year ago...

Always find myself comparing everyone to you...staring into deep dazes sighing just repeating "**** they don't make em like you no more"
You weren't perfection, you made me cry, scream, yell, sulk, slap and punch you.
But you made me laugh, smile, kiss, hug, and touch you way more.
I complained about you disappearing for hours at a time, not replying to my texts, not answering my calls, not making time.
Then I got tossed into this sea of fishes again,
And they made you look like a saint like Prince Charming.
So I'm wondering as I lay my head down tonight if I'll ever love someone the way I loved you.

I won't tell him that in the time he was away I fell for someone else. I can't say that this someone made me fall crazy in love and I made him fall crazy in love back. It's just not meant for him to know that while he was away someone else was mine, and that I was for someone else. We'll never speak about how when we're together I just stare and think of that someone who broke my heart although you seem so perfect right in front of me. He'll never know how I really tried to forget that someone but his memory haunts me because he was so much a part of me.

It's too late for me to tell him I'm in love with someone else.