*******,
I thought you're suppose to be family?
Family isn't suppose to make family feel like this.
Is it?
You make me feel like ****, when I already do.
You make me feel worthless, stupid, alone.
******* dad, for never being here and always letting me down.
******* mom for always picking favorites, it's hard not to notice.
******* Dylan for always being better than me, and rubbing it in my face.
******* Jesse for not loving me, only talking to me when you visit.
******* family for keeping my third brother away from me.
But hey isn't this what family is about?
Lies? Fake happiness? Being alone?
******* guys for letting me down.
I know I'm not perfect but I have reasons to be.
So you win, you win the fake laughs and smiles.
**You Win

Don't hurt me.
You say you never will.
I think I'm falling for you.
Slow at first than all at once.
You make me feel whole.
Like I'm not missing a piece of myself.
Is it always like this?
You're the first person I've officially dated in 4 years.
4 YEARS.
I'm a little rusty at this,
But if you hurt me it will be the end of this.

I forgot the way it felt.
I forget the feeling I got, just touching the blade.
I forgot the way it makes a mark on my skin
How deep to push.
How the sting felt after
How great it felt just to feel the slightest bit of blood released
I forgot what it felt like to cut into my skin
I forgot the way the blood gushes to the surface
A year without made me forget
But a year without made me hate myself more

My hearts racing,
I can't breath
I can hear my heart beating.
The blood gushing from valve to valve feeding my body.
When I die will that sound stop?
When I die will that feeling stop?
I could die to the sound and feeling of my own heart dying.

I changed my hair.
I changed my hair to get over you.
yet you liked it more.
I changed
and yet you liked it more
I changed to get away from you.
but you just got closer.
I changed  to get away
And yet YOU still hurt me