As I sit in my room
All I think of is you
Whilst I'm writing the words on my skin
I slowly sink through the bed
All the thoughts in my head remind me why I still feel so blue
Now it seeps through my shirt  but I can't tell if it hurts
All I know is I'm a failure again
Because I woke from my sleep
Surrounded parents just weep picking me up from a rose soaked bed

You passed me inside the halls
And as my sleeve starts to fall
I think you saw the things I had to say
Without you here I don't know
If I want to stay or just go
I just want the pain to go away
All I ask is in time
I'll cross your mind
And everything that you did you regret
Because it's too late for me
I just want others to see that a girl can drive you to death.

All I have left are the pictures we took
Memories frozen in time
Moments I can't overlook
I choke up when I view them
But I won't throw them out
Polaroids kept in a box
So I don't scream and shout

Each letter you wrote me is still in that box too
Every single one ends with  'I will always love you'
It's been almost 4 months since you said that to me
I guess always ends sooner when you're almost 19

I'm sorry you're not here
Even though you don't care
I'm sorry that I lost a friend in you
Girl I still wish you were there

I wish the bridge wasn't burnt so bad
Because I want to see if you're okay
Maybe in time I'll apologise and this pain will go away
I miss talking to you about things I'm scared about
And the things that make me sad
I miss walking through dark streets holding your small hands
Twisting you round mine and pretending to dance

It hurts me more than anything
Seeing you grow without me there
It hurts me even more though knowing you really don't care

Can you understand I was angry, upset and torn in two
I never wanted this to happen I didn't mean to upset you
I said stupid things with a lump in my throat
That I wish I never said
This is my apology
Look I'm sorry
I take back everything I said

How was your trip? I hope you enjoyed it
Did you stay up all night? Or wanted to die? I did
The sun has made your skin glow
And it's just made my scars show
Again

The blade I used to carve out bark on the trees
Has now made marks on my sleeve
You see I'm too scared to leave now
So I'll just let my wrists bleed out
And hope they won't find me

I wrote your name on my arm
With a lump in my throat
I wrote 'I'm sorry, forever' on a scrumpled up note
Grabbed the stool from the kitchen and placed my head through the knot  and write before I leaned towards the rain
Your text read out 'stop'

I didn't want a life without you
I must be in heaven because now I only see you

Do you miss home?
Not the place that kept you sheltered
but the place that made you whole
I sometimes wonder what ours would’ve been like
if you hadn’t gone away
instead I’m here alone in this house watching the walls decay
I can’t stop replaying memories of us in my head
it’s been almost a year now and I still want you in my bed
I’ve tried to find another people who will suite me like you do
maybe I’m being dishonest, I know I’ll never replace you

Do you miss me?
Not the person I became but the person I used to be
because I see you walking by now and I can barely recognize
this girl with so much ego and anger in her eyes
now I know I’ve changed too, I’m more anxious and more sad
I have so many flaws now that I wish I never had

but for me one thing still remains
you still live inside my brain
I still think about you constantly, I think about you everyday
and I wanted to say I just wish you ******* stayed
I hope you never hear the songs I’ve wrote
I hope our memories fade away

Every single sleepless night I have had without you
is like a withdraw from the dreams in which I saw you
it’s true, I wish I fell asleep more often
so I could have that dream where you soften the blow that my ******* life has dealt me
but in reality the pain I feel only appeared when you left me
I can’t begin to forgive myself for making you resent me

I used to laugh at your superstitions; the way you’d hope over cracks in lanes
how ironic is it now that I won’t walk over three drains?
I don’t need any more bad luck
it ran out the day you did too
no matter how much I ran after, there was no way I was reaching you

Nostalgia only shows me good times
though i choose to ignore the bad
My stubbornness made me leave you go
though i wish i never had
my chest feels like its bleeding
darling i am begging, i am pleading

who am i kidding, i don't want my old life back.