You weren't there during my nightfall
when my subconscious illusion
constructed nerve-racking thoughts,
causing my eyes to spill tears out
down the false face I stitched
that you never fretted to take off.

You weren't there to see me in distress
with razor blades rubbing my crust.

My core―it forbade every irate pain
that battered its almost wrecked doors.

You weren't there to hunt the screams
that bounced off those ill-starred walls,
creating cracks that I loathed to see
for they offered me images that blinded me.

You weren't even there to tell me
that life isn't always a battlefield
between me and myself.

How is it that you only care when it's too late?
Sorry, but I won't be there to take hold of your tears
as you are being struck with angst
and your gone-too-soon moans,
still stunned with the great tragic―
a box my size sinking right before your eyes,
hush, darling, save your cries.

I dreamed a dream that could never be true
and yet I still stayed up waiting for you
though why my heart held on to you
is something I will never know.

and though my heart cries out for things
I know will never be,
I still dream a hopeless dream
of us, of you and me.

you have never given me
a reason to stay with you anyway.
why should i risk everything?