Sunday church service
hymns were sung by the faithful
kids were sound asleep

doctor is absent
happy chatter of nurses
'hope he stays unwell'

chirping of insects
echoing through the dark night
kids are kept awake

I should, I must
let myself go
my heart bids
me so--

to be human
is to dwell in sorrow
(I need to be away
my true self to know)--

once, long ago--in my youth
I walked free in the green meadow
I was sure, untainted and pure
then came manhood with its shadow

of doubt, censure and frown
my innocence it was too quick to blow
into the dust of nowhere-- into my eyes
without a second thought sand it started to throw--

through the longest and darkest night
my tears I shed upon my lonely pillow
where was the joy that kissed me before?
why was my heart cold and my hopes so hollow?

how did I love and what routes
did I once blindly follow?
now my fingers shake and my eyes are dim
do I have anything worthy to show?

to the farthest wilderness
(none has been before) I must take my sorrow
leave by leave of my very self to shed (never to regrow)
a withering plant on which no light would ever care to show.

The truth somehow
will catch up with me
even though away I hide
or live for a century--

I tremble and I fear
it shall not set me free
I can feel deep inside me
it shall judge without pity-

it would have been too late
to reverse my past history
( excuses are the utterances of cowards)
I would be left the unredeemed person to be--

old age is the truest awakening
it would die for pure love and beauty
alas, the once lush meadow is now covered
with weeds---I am alone and my heart is heavy.

Meet me not
by the light of day
let the fever and fret
pass its way-

meet me then
where none would see
us and I'll open my heart
to you and tell my story

love has a strange tendency
it asserts what it should be
the day mars its beauty
the night is tender and holy

meet me when you are ready
I'll be under that willow-tree
waiting for the words you will say to me
come then, like a fairy--come, set me free.

a letter received
tears fell from the maiden's eyes
door shut with a bang