It seems like we waited forever in that waiting room
I kept trying your cell
Just to see where you had gone
Until you came back 3 hours later
Looking like ****
Shirt wrinkled
Tie rumpled
Face crumpled

Bruised knuckles

Looked like you had been bargaining with the God of war
It was a week from his funeral and I hadn't ever seen you dressed up since
You came to it in slacks and a wife beater stinking of alcohol

With eyes that looked like fire
like fury
like you were blind
like ice

And I willed myself to walk over to your heavy frame
  Shaking against the wall
But then again I knew nothing I could say
Could somehow make your anger go away

I realised you had every right.

So I just kept whispering a thousand apologies
Mumbled "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry"

Until your bleeding knuckles
Punched the knocked out plaster
And the sound of your bruised bones breaking
Against that ******* wall

Too deafening, for me to hear at all.
And the nurses rushed around you

To try to calm your thoughts
But all I could think of was a gorilla
King Kong
Mighty Joe

Some beautiful ferocious animal
that beat on its chest
Out of anger
Out of fear
Out of pain

it happens, the little shiver pats you on the back and compliments you
you stay mute, and it touches your eyelashes
it's whispering
it's telling you how proud it is to be with (who else?)
it's frightening
it knows the stutter of your walk
the trip of your tongue
it know's you're afraid
but you're mute, and you're deaf, and it's sunny
and so what
you shiver, you smile
and it's sunny,
you're worried
and so what

ek is moeg
en ek will alles
uitspoeg

al die omkraplikheid
al die stres
al die frustrasie

ek wil rus
op eilande
van verwonder

sade saai
met vrede

i am tired
and i want to spit
everything out

all the discomfort
all the stress
all the frustration

i want to rest
on islands
of wonder

sow seeds
with peace

Walking through the avenues,
Blue skyscrapers smirk at her thin wax legs
Shown behind her too-short skirt
And thighs marked with soot and bruises

She pays for gas with two quarters, a few dimes and a penny,
Seeing the reproach left in the eyes of the gas station pawn
Watching her come, day in, day out
Clinging to different men each time

Her car sputters clouds of grime,
Taking her to places of cheap glamour and one-night stands
And she takes it,
Thinking it will just help her in weaving her web

And as she lays in bed
With another Tom or Bill at her side
She begins to wonder
Where she went wrong
Somewhere between the waterslides and that one night in the hallway

But she lays there, she lays there,
Not dreaming of a better life,
Not wishing it could all be changed,
Not wishing to go back to what was before.
She just tries to get swept into the covers,
To live a life between the sweat stains and the wrinkles.
Because maybe, maybe that’s all there is
For the avenue girl in this lifetime.

It would be this one
It will tell you alot
                            
                          Dear

I had a note for you I scratched on this envelope
but it was ruined in the rain
it used to read so well
now the only word not melted is

                         Jessica

Ruined. So I picked up my pencil sure that this time
Just this once I could write words enough to make you mine
but there
alone on the page in naked pencil waiting

                          I

But i can't start with i
that is so selfish
so
i
begin to go agian
trying to make a something out of all the nothing
but its hard to name a poem so how 'bout let's call it

                       Love

No GOD NO
that is way too tacky
what would she think
So embarassing
So childish
So simple
You don't deserve the simple
You deserve the incredible
The awe-inspiring fire


                                  You

and there it stops me
lost and more lost
because when I think of you
all the fire is kindled


                                   You
are my evreything

so i put down this pencil
and write in my head
a future I have seen once or twice
in the lonely corner of a dream



                                     Dear Jessica I love you
                        I carved on that tree
                        In the noise of summer bugs claws birds wings breeze
                        I saw you smile walking towards me
                        Your feet silent on the blanket of the warm grassy ground
                         Your pale feet smeared with mud
                        It was in a june, july or august
                        A quiet summer dream
                         Me and you far out in nowhere
                        As the record singer plays the song
                         "Together"
                            (that song)

                        In a meadow
                          Dreaming
                        I know I felt it in the warm of your hair
                        When you wrapped your arms around me
                        You kissed me soft on the neck
                         I felt your skin as you squeezed me
                         Your eyes were so close
                          Close to my mind
                          and in a moment of your laughter
                           and in a moment of your joy
                                          a moment forgetting
                            life and all the noise
                            
                         I felt your breath sweet
                         I felt your whisper soft
                            melting the glue in my mind
                        In my dream I knew you kissed me
                         In my life you will never see me
                        
                I traded this moment for all that I had
                      and rode the river Styx to the belly of hell
                       and rode the river Styx while humming that song