lately i find myself often thinking about you and my past and the bittersweet connection of the two.

and i see you in the morning and your hair's a wild mess that keeps the imprints of your gentle fingers fresh and pull each strand back with the effort of a breeze pulling flowers taught.

and i see you at noon when the sun is its brightest but everything around you seems to expect a grander light to emerge from you and i see that light and feel it's warmth on my cheek. and i wonder if my mother was right when i was a child and if i should be wearing sunscreen but i think i am willing to be burned by your presence rather than separated by the thin layer of protection i know i should have. i know i should protect myself.

and i know it in the evening when you look through me with your tired eyes
and i know it when i ask you how your day was and you reply with "fine" and i know too well that fine is not a synonym for "okay" or "happy",
and i know it when i feel alone on the couch with your body next to mine less than a centimetre a part yet you cannot hear my plea for you to hold me once more.
and i still know it in the middle of the night when the stars sneak away and pastel clouds burst from the horizon and i have woken up today, a good start i remind myself, but you are not here again and this time i sink into my bed and i let the realization sink in too.

i wish i would've listened to my mother because i can not live with your burns anymore.

You walk into any room I'm in.
Friends will think we are still good friends.
Cause you'l never know that you took my joy.

The moment you told me weeks back that you was calling it over.
I was hurt inside.
And inside I cried.
But you'll never know it.
Never know ,you took my joy.

I can put on a false face with the brightest smile.
And fool any friends and associates around.
When it comes to you.
Because you don't need to be kept up on the news concerning me.

And if you ask?
They will say, he seems so happy.
Yes, if you ask?
They will say, it's like he don't miss you at all.

Although you took my joy of happiness.
The day, the day, the day that you left me.
But this you'll never know.
Yes, yes this you will never know.

If you ever should feel bad about me.
I would advise you not too.
Cause happiness again will find me.

Theres a hill
made of wind
swept heather
and rock
where the time
that it takes
when I climb
to its top
is the same
that these words
too often unsaid
take to climb
from the
thickening
mist in my head.

Life is wonderful

chosen child for nature's creativity
tangoing to the sway of twilight trees
such spiritually sensual sensibilities

hypersensitivity heightening passion
life intensified in intellectual interest
love embellished with emotional empathy

oh, to bottle her elusive essence
to drink in her wistful nights
to infuse my tea with her promise
to scent my pillow with her dreams

uncork the atmospheric aroma
of sepia tinged crescents
wafting in celestial patisseries

sweeten the clear blue skies
with mists of crystallized honey
perfuming the divine aether

oh, fill my breath with her ephemeral
synchronize my life's pulse to the
metronome ponytails of skipping girls
followed by the tails of wagging dogs

a bedtime story*

In the distance stands a lighthouse
seeing all with cyclops eye
once a beacon, now a hollow,
dead in misted moonlit sky.

Proudly once she ruled the headland,
warning all of crag and shoal
trusted friend to salt scoured sea dogs,
smugglers caught within her glow.

Beauty lived as Keepers mistress
'till one day her love did bloom
walking clifftops with her lover
brought her ending, far too soon.

Bloodied, torn by cliff face ragged
screaming for the life she craved,
Beauty held her rounded belly
As fury deep hit waters grave.

Beauty stands alone in darkness
there above the tempest sea
bloated souls of those who perished
now her only company.

 When the moon is high above us
wrapped in rags and witching stare
Beauty stands atop the catwalk
weeds 'a winding through her hair.

You come to me in splinters.
I drive them in, you smile at the agony.
Punctured skin brings ribbons,
cascading life in scarlet.
My suffering, your solace.
Push deeper, let them grind against brittle bone, tear at tendon and humming vessels.
That we may feel something beyond this quiet comfort.

Yes, I like you.
My feelings go a little deeper than that.

But I'm afraid to tell you because

I have a few extra inches on my waist
I don't have a gap between my thighs.
Sometimes when I speak my double chin pops out.
And my cheek bones don't protrude from my face.

It shouldn't matter though
Because those things don't affect the way I feel.

When you look into my brown eyes, you can still read the novels of my life and my lips can still recite the poetry about your smile.
My hands can still keep yours warm and our bodies can fit together perfectly, almost be mistaken as one.

The size of my jeans won't affect my voice when I tell you how you make me feel, or the way the sun just doesn't shine as bright when you're around.

It doesn't make me different.
It doesn't make me strange.
It simply means there's more of me for you to love.

Keep him.
Keep him, if he's your personal protection.
Especially, if he protects your heart.

When danger emerges upon you.
And you should ever call upon him.
And he appears to safe guard you.
Keep him.
If he protects your heart.

Some of the greatest guys are allowed to leave.
Then after gone the woman wants to grieve.
Never telling him the most vital or important things.

Listen.
While you have the moment.
Think.
Think hard.
While you sitting and wondering.

List all his personal qualities.
And you will come to the conclusion.
To why you should keep him.
Especially, if he protects your heart.

Cause after all the questions asked of you.
Your only answer can be to them.
That you kept him.
Kept him because he protected your heart.

He took the burden.
He wear the scars.
Just to keep you from harm.