To love has never been an easy thing to say or to do in his lifetime. The sweetness always come first to be tasted & devoured, without seeing what's coming next after the joys & laughs. For a while, he sat down & said to himself that he will never seek love for the sake of his easily broken heart & the soft pure hearts that he might hurt. It is the thought of one who would rather save himself from shattering many hearts above his own heart.

Ridiculously said, but it is almost likely to be a sweet escape which could save him from the misery of life. The thought of never to seek love again will secure him in a rather peace of mind. But the pleasures of love will surely be a bitter memory throughout the nights which he must go through.

Voilà, a choice in desperate times. Nobody had ever told him to do so. Only his dark yet vulnerable heart told him so. It will only be the sweetness in disguise that could be shown by him towards colleagues & partners, without letting them know what had really happened deep inside of him.

If, only, there would be a woman of his dreams could come to share the pain he had in his life for so long & to heal the wounds that would've been an eternal scar for him.

Maybe, things would've changed for him. Entirely.

No matter when or where, he stays the same with his his cold expressionless face. It has been on & on, it feels like forever until the last. Unlike those fairy tales that ended in a happy ending. Yeah, the thought of happy ending never crossed through his mind. His existence is merely like a shadow walking from here to there. Unnoticed. Unwanted. Unsung.

The presence of someone would gladly turn around his way to feel or to react. Like Vivaldi's winter that makes his mind imagining the sweetness & the bitterness that the world could give to him. Yet, his actions remain still & calm. No harm could be done by him except the fire that burns within that could explode any moments due to the memories of his regretting past.

He, who has suffered the loss of true happiness of the world, lives & march on. Without even knowing what to feel or how to feel. In certain moments of his loneliness,  he seeks love & he's sick of it. No longer he misses the warmth of a woman's hug or their soft kisses that makes his lips embrace them in a flaming passion.

To love, he surrenders. For it has been an excruciating pain, like sudden a crash from one car to another. It left a scar. A pitiful scar. Nobody knows it. Never he has the willingness to share what life had brought up to him.

At least, he thinks, *"Let me live my life forward without any mistakes. Let life give me his tortures to strengthen myself. I won't let anybody know what I have been going through, because it's never worth it to   tell my sufferings from the day that I was born."

To You
The brave & the wild
The wise & the fearless
The unknown by many people
The one who knows my everything
Without even ask a single thing

You see right through me
Not only to my heart
To my soul as well
The soul which has been darkened by the bitter past
The soul that was once thought as incurable
Or no longer could be saved

Yet, you're that small glimmering light
Within that dark & deep heart of mine
That has taken it to a space which I've never felt before

To You
I give my heart, without a doubt
I share my pleasures as many as I can
I dream a world without any remorse with you
I give my  warmth

To You
I'll fortress your body with mine
From everything that come toward us

To You
I love you
Everlastingly

Here I am. Walking with shame within me. Through the times of the unforgettable past that has been tormenting my present until this very second. Towards a road that I have never set foot upon, I never said a word of any vulnerability nor weaknesses.

Apart from all that has happened, nothing has ever stick into my mind nor my heart. Not even a bit. Only the scars of regrets which are marked inside of me. No appreciations had ever been soared to my ears.

When rain starts to shower the land, I do embrace it. In the hopes of getting rid of those scars, I dance under the drops of the dark gray & cloudy skies. With all that effort, nothing has changed this pure feeling that has been covered by the past. Like an arrow that hits a thick ancient wall. Nothing has been changed.

Probably, nothing will.