As we sat and inhaled the past and the memories radiated through our veins, I asked you as we sat high and dry if you cared to know why I never gave myself to the boy of glass and you said sure and in that minute or two it took me to pluck up the courage to tell you why, I thought about the wind beneath us under that tunnel as we watched ***** river banks and I said "I didn't give myself to him because he wasn't you, because I didn't love him like I love you, that how much I'd rather give myself to you was what saved me from making a choice I would have regretted deeply, for ever since I first met you I knew--I looked at you and I knew.. Look at that boy I'm going to love him forever, I'm going to give him all of me--even if it kills me--I'm going to give him my broken pieces and make the seconds I spend inside his head count--I'm going to haunt his head until he becomes drunk off the way my body arches back or the way my toes crinkle or even just way I happen to nibble on his lip. I didn't give myself to him because he was a boy of stone cold cement but you are a boy of beautiful stardust I would gladly waste a million wishes on, however with all the battles we have been through you've actually been a blessing, the small piece of sky that just so happens to make feel alive. I cannot thank you enough for existing and bringing me back from the dead, I didn't give myself to him because he was not worth my simple innocence and my million dollar heart, for the fire beneath my skin has been burning only for you, for about 5 years..
I didn't give myself to him because he was not beautiful, he was never one for standing with me through tough waters, he thought cruel words that brought down my worth was the way to go, however he was not you. You've never raised your voice at me or even attempted to belittle me with cursed words because unlike him, I know that I too set off a storm beneath your ribcage making your heart numb to the idea of leaving a love like this behind, because you and I both know that we simply couldn't do it, not now, not ever...
so if you must know I didn't give myself to him because he destroyed me from the start and you've spent years saving me, you could have given up and walked out a long time ago --but you didn't and I thank you for at least that even if we can only be together in my head, maybe in 10 years time when we waste another countless night inhaling our past we can try again--but until then I would like you to know the reason why I never gave myself to him and it is because
he-- was not you."
*vm