I constantly feel
Like I’m at war with myself
There’s a battle raging
Violently in my head

I have so many impulses
Contradicting feelings
This constant inconsistency
Has made me a walking paradox

I want to be heard, to be seen
I want everyone to know they can’t walk all over me
I want people to know who I am
I want to change the whole **** world

I want to disappear
I want everyone to disregard my mistakes
I want everyone to ignore my imperfections
I want people to think I don’t exist

Now, do you see my conundrum?
I want everything and nothing all at once
I want the world in the palm of my hand
I want to vanish into thin air

I only cry in the shower
So you can’t tell
If it’s tears or water
Running down my cheeks
And I can blame the redness
In my eyes
On a mishap
With soap or shampoo
I only cry in the shower
Because that’s when no one sees
That I have other emotions other than strong
They are vulnerability

Sticks and stones will
Break my bones but
Words will scar me forever
Bullies come from
Here and there
Oh my God
They’re everywhere
I mean, I know
I don’t act the same
But am I really that different?
It seems to me I might just be
It’s just nothing I can see
“Oh my God
You cut yourself?”
Yeah, just like your words do
“******* emo
Go **** yourself”
You don’t know how much I want to
You don’t understand
My pain will someday **** me
Because I know for a fact
Life will never accept me

I’ve never been a cup of tea
I’m more like the tenth shot of Jack
I’m the surge of adrenaline
Before your senses come back

I’m not the first choice
Or the last resort
I’m the choice you make
When you need an adventure of sorts

I’m always the one
You look over or past
But I really don’t care
It’s your party I’ll crash

So just wait and see
Until the real me comes out
I’m reckless, I’m brave
And treacherous throughout

See, I was kind of hoping
I could lay in your arms
You could lay in mine
We could listen to each others heart beat
And tell each other everything
From the past that might have scarred us
To the present we are facing
And what the future could hold
We could talk about our fears and hopes
And other serious things
Or we could tell each other jokes and stories
And just be really silly
Really, all I want
Is to lay my head on your chest
And talk
But I wouldn’t want to do
Any of this
If this is not with you

(I)’m not too sure what to do anymore
But I know I (want) to do something
Everything seems so mono(to)nous
It’s (****)ing me inside to be here right now
(My) heart feels so heavy
With low (self)-esteem
I guess this is the end