Sometimes,
I try to escape you.
Whether in my thoughts;
or in my day.
I have become spectacular at blocking out
the memories.
But sometimes,
I try to escape you.
When I see the curve of your cheek
lit in the soft moon light
and all I want to do is reach out and cup my hand on your face;
I try to escape you.
When I close my eyes with you right next to me;
and I dream of interlacing my fingers with yours,
my head on your chest.
When I can hear the actual sound of your heartbeat being imitated in my sleep;
and I wake up and wonder.. hope.. That I wasn't dreaming;
too afraid to ask in fear of being chastised for wanting you..
I try to escape you.
And in the morning, I prepare myself to go home.
Even though I know I'll miss you
and only think of you when I'm there.
But then you ask me to stay one more night
and I can't say no to your beautiful green eyes
or your bright smile.
I try to escape you.
But I can't.
**My love.

I was already late
When the time to leave the party
came around.
As my foot passed over the threshold
it landed on crumpled paper
and stuffing from the furniture
they tore open.

I looked around the empty room,
strewn of course
with broken glass
of bottles
of cheap wine
and *****.

One or two stragglers had staked a claim
to the last two chairs not completely maimed
in the struggle
of having a good time.

Their faces blank of personality,
gave notion
that the real people
had long since left them
behind as well.

Pounding bass struggled to boom,
but rasped sadly
from the rattling broken speaker.

I ask one of the stragglers
about a black haired girl
who came up to my shoulder
and they both say she left with a guy.

A plain round clock
was hung on a close wall
it's plastic lens shattered
and the hands stopped
at ten minutes before I entered.

Could it be love has lost its taste?

Hidden thoughts and feelings riding the fence

Trust and conversation gone to waste

Unaware of their existence

They fly through the night's bitter breeze

An unfamiliar chill reminds them

Love is not a coat one puts on in stormy weather

And anyway, it doesn't always stop the rain

when that strange man in the park
asked me if love could cause physical pain
i told him that i fell in love with a smile
once
a smile that lassoed and squeezed my heart and lungs
until they were one boiling *****

a smile that buried into my back
pulled out the pink shy parts
i paid an expert to destroy
pink devils
i cried into my cousins shoulder on autumn benches
pink tears

i fell madly pinkly in love with a smile
plucked like a fish from dark winter water
admired
looked after
worthy of inspection
smiling breath on my scales and back
where the pink between them is apparent

then hurled back into winter water
where the day discharges slowly over the grass
in the courtyard.

i told that strange man in the park
my pink insides fizzle-pop like meat on
the summer sidewalk
when i imagine the smiling angler
making that next pull

admiring and smiling
cradling the back like a
pink chalice

That one thinks it's first catch.
As did I. Dark lip burn marks
On the pink.
Physical Pain.

I think I was thirteen
when I shipped myself out
to the sea of solitude
since then I've tried rowing
back to shore but
currents of discontent
are hard to fight
inevitably I gave in
to the candy-coated
pills and powders
and the minty fresh breath
of men lurking in corners
almost as sweet as sanity
eventually I overdosed on emotions
but I was only trying
to rid myself of feeling
since I was never good
at walking on the tightrope
between wanting and reality
at this point I don't know
who to apologize to
since Hallmark doesn't have cards
for sincere self loathing

it's just that
some days it's really hard
to keep your voice even
when your mother asks
if you're slipping

I'll lay
with your memory
until I can't remember
your face, your hair,
your smile

I'll laugh
with your jokes
until I can't remember
the punch line, the beat,
the heart

I'll dance
with your body
until I can't remember
your muscles, your shape,
your soul

I'll stay
with your presence
until my heart
won't beat anymore

I'll try to escape
your never ending embrace
you're a flame
a never dying ember

for I know
that one day
you'll leave me
like the rest

but right now
I'll hold on
to the string,
keeping us together