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Feb 2014 · 634
Thankful (10w)
Devyn Feb 2014
I am thankful for the way
you look at me
Dec 2013 · 869
Deep End
Devyn Dec 2013
The purpose of this poem
Is to let you know that the pools of water
That form in the corners of my eyes
Are not as shallow as you think they are;

And besides,
People have died
From drowning in puddles.
Dec 2013 · 725
hands
Devyn Dec 2013
my heart was your punching bag.
and even now, the bruises are still visible
to others, attempting to turn over my hollow remains,
stumbling upon
the wreckage you left behind;
but after each swing,
you would uncurl your fists,
wipe my cheeks roughly,
and insist that my scars
were just marks of you loving me too hard.

but,
i know it’s not your fault;
they blame you for throwing punches
when boxing gloves were forced upon your fingers.

if only i had been there sooner,
to teach you how beautiful hands can be
when they aren’t trying to destroy something.
Dec 2013 · 470
fall out
Devyn Dec 2013
i am made of flaws,
stitched together by good intentions;
but it’s hard to stay intact, when you constantly rip at my seams.
you pull and tug, until i become unravelled,
and i'm just a piece of string,
that you shove in your pocket.
and, much like string, i'm useless on my own;
i need to tie myself to someone.
but you and i, tied ourselves together too quickly
and, like my hair that you always nagged me to brush,
we became more knotted, more tangled with time.
but as time went on, we insisted that we were fine,
we could just use our fingers;
but it wasn’t until we stood at the mirror,
staring at our own matted destruction,
that we realized:
no comb could possibly be strong enough
to make us beautiful again.
Aug 2013 · 546
green dot
Devyn Aug 2013
the reason i don't keep in touch
is because it reminds me how much i miss you

it's much easier to live without you
than to have you so fleetingly
Devyn Aug 2013
i want to write this poem
because i am afraid to tell you that i think you're beautiful

and if you looked closer, maybe you'd see
that i could be exactly what you need,
if you could only let yourself have it

my mind drifts back to you,
more than i care to admit,
and i don't let myself wonder if i ever cross your mind;
i already know the answer

so, i'm waiting on a someday that is bound to disappoint me;
you are my sea
and yes, i am your rock

but there are lots of rocks in the ocean
jumbled ramblings
May 2013 · 784
clouded judgement
Devyn May 2013
to be quite honest,
i've never felt this way before.
and this seems odd because i've had
boyfriends in the past
short-term, long-term,
nice ones, mean ones,
young ones, old ones,

but my heart has never thumped this loudly
while waiting for a text
my grin has never been this wide
while talking on the phone

and my head has bombarded me with thoughts of
countless boys before,
but this time, i haven't figured out
how to stop thinking about you
May 2013 · 367
new/old
Devyn May 2013
when i met you, it was easy
we were young
love
what is that?
neither of us knew, but
we taught each other
and now we know

do we know?

four years together
would make it seem like
we do know what love is
after all, i love you
i loved you
do i still love you?

i think i loved you
four years ago
four months ago
four weeks ago
four days ago

but you see,
i met him
three days ago
and now i am not sure.
and
now you want me again
but only because
he wants me too

four days ago,
those three words
probably would have been enough

but four days ago
you were on my mind before i went to sleep

and now you're not
4am sleep deprived. meh.
May 2013 · 363
what if
Devyn May 2013
love
is not easy
to let go of

but how do you choose
between an old love
guaranteed
and a new love
maybe

it's too big a risk
and i'm afraid to make the wrong choice
rough rough rough
Mar 2013 · 1.5k
chores were never any fun
Devyn Mar 2013
my mom always told me i was lazy
she was right; i never wanted to clean my room
or make my bed
or do my homework
i just wanted to go on the computer
or watch tv
or hang out with friends
because i wanted to be happy
and doing chores didn't make me happy

so when i went to college
i didn't clean my room
or make my bed
or do my homework
all i did was go on the computer
or watch tv
or hang out with friends
because i finally was on my own and had the chance to be happy

but rather than getting happier, my heart got heavier
things went from okay to bad
and then bad to worse
and now i'm tired

mom, you were right; i'm lazy
there are things that i don't want to do
because they are too much work
like cleaning my room, making my bed, doing my homework,
and waking up tomorrow morning
Feb 2013 · 572
it's time to move on
Devyn Feb 2013
i have spent so long
wrapped up, strangled by the ropes of my past
friends, relationships,
i have spent so long
caring about these people,
caring about what they think
thousands of miles between us yet
i can't forget
i have spent so long
missing them, crying
please come back
six months of the people
i used to consider closest to me
putting me through hell
just for their own sick enjoyment
i have spent so long
hung up on these *******
but i have spent so long
thinking about this,
that i've finally learned
how to let them go
Feb 2013 · 3.2k
immaturity
Devyn Feb 2013
isn't it funny how someone
who never ever crosses your mind
could be thinking of you, obsessed
consumed with love, guilt, hatred,
consumed with thoughts of you

you try to hurt me, but you don't understand
you're a child, a nothing,
grasping at straws to try to

what exactly are you trying to do to me?

embarrass me? oh, child,
i've been through things you could never think of
i've been down, humiliated, stepped on
your foolish attempts to hurt me are
flattering because
you're reminding me that
whether for good reasons or bad,
you care about me.
and knowing that, you can never bring me down.
Feb 2013 · 632
anonymous
Devyn Feb 2013
faceless, nameless
who are you?
why do you hate me?
you really hate me.
******* with me over the internet
******* with my mind
do you feel pride?
does it make you feel like you're worth any more
than you were before?
because the joke, my gray friend, is on you.
i already hate myself
much more than you ever could

so stop hacking and typing away at
2:52 on a monday morning and just
let me be alone with my sadness
you see, you're doing it all wrong.
if you hate me, all you have to do is
let me be
alone with my thoughts and
i'll be gone long before anything you could
ever hope to accomplish
will affect me at all
Feb 2013 · 998
they really don't tell you
Devyn Feb 2013
every year in health class they tell you
eating disorders are bad
and every year in health class they tell you
that if you have an eating disorder, you need to get help

but in health class they don't tell you
that it's not as simple as flicking on a switch
yesterday i was normal but today i'm anorexic
no, it doesn't quite work like that, does it

they don't tell you that sometimes
you'll feel so sad you won't want to ever get out of bed
not even to eat
and they don't tell you that maybe
that'll happen a lot
and they don't tell you that one day
when your stomach is pleading for something, anything,
you'll realize
hey, i feel kinda good
for once
Feb 2013 · 553
forgetting's not so easy
Devyn Feb 2013
they all tell me to let you go
but they weren't there for the
long drives, top down,
laughing,
throw me the basketball
but not too hard because
you don't want to hurt me but
not too soft because
you want me to
feel like i'm good enough

your kind words, supportive
the only time i was ever really myself

order my meal for me, know what i want
you pay with the crumpled twenty dollar bill
i smile up at you and hand you 71 cents
because that's what the total always comes to
always came to

no more surprising me at work
no phone calls whenever
i need you
the funny parts of my day don't
get retold to you and made into inside jokes
just for you and me, no
now you have those with her
Feb 2013 · 1.5k
winter lovin'
Devyn Feb 2013
when we met, your eyes hardly met mine
and when they did, you quickly looked away
you made me want to know why
why didn't you talk, why didn't you just
take a deep breath
relax
just, talk to me
i'm nothing to be afraid of,
what's going on in that
fascinating mind of yours?
what do you think of me, of her, of them?
what keeps you awake at night, tossing and turning and
i wanted you to
let me in.

and of course, you did
and i did what i do best,
i got you to love me
but
it really wasn't me that you loved
it was this girl
who listened to you, and kissed you
and held your hand in front of your friends
we went ice skating and watched the superbowl
you made me a card for christmas and
kissed my cheek because you were too shy
to kiss my lips

but then you started to change.

it would happen at random moments,
but i started to really see
how when i wanted to show you my favorite movie
you rolled your eyes and said
"but i just wanna talk to you
spend time with you
i love you"
as your fingers brushed the hem of my shirt and you
leaned in to kiss me
but it wasn't sweet like before it was
purposeful and i
stopped seeing the boy who loved history, and who loved me, my thoughts, my words,
and i started seeing the boy who liked it better when i stopped talking
so he could touch the parts of me that he really loved

i remember when you got me flowers that i kept for so long
i gave them water and smelled them every day
and when they died
when winter turned to spring
i kept them anyway
i never threw them away
those dead, brown roses
Devyn Feb 2013
my friends all say
"you're in love with him"
and i smile
and say
"no, i am not in love with him"
but
sometimes
i smile
and say
"i am so in love with him"
and the truth is
i do not know
how i really feel about you

you changed my life
that much is certain
and you'll never really know
just how much you've done for me
because
we're just
too different

you don't understand me
and i don't understand you
it's like we're two different planets
suddenly caught in orbit together
and it's strange and different and hard to deal with but
i like it

i do not dream about kissing you
but i dream about you choosing me
out of all the people, all the girls
i wish i was what you wanted

i think it would work out nicely
i know you pretty well
and i think
i would stay

i wouldn't leave if you got distant
i wouldn't get mad at you for
being exactly who you are

but then again
there's that minor detail
that i like to forget
you will never want me

so it does not matter
that i don't know how i feel about you
because
i know how you feel
about me
Feb 2013 · 1.3k
why did you stay
Devyn Feb 2013
what were we?
an epic love
full of emotion
heartbreak
trust, broken, then repaired
then broken again

we were four years spent on my tan couch
popcorn and kisses
cuddling for warmth in the winter
sticky from sweat in the summer
that stupid couch, it's too hot
but that's okay, i want you near me anyway

we were the short short walk to each others house
meet halfway
we were the loving gaze, the soft touch
you holding me, safe
we were the phone calls every night before bed
we were in your car outside my house
and you, reluctant to let me go home
one more kiss

but we were also the phone being thrown across the room
the disappointment on every birthday, christmas, valentines day
the other girls
you should have known
from day one
that i was too much for you
too stupid, too sad, too much
i'm crazy, depressed, you hated that about me
but why did you stay for so long
four years
why did you stay

maybe if you had left sooner
i could have left too
Feb 2013 · 396
did you ever
Devyn Feb 2013
i am constantly torn between
he loves me
he loves me not

he'll realize he misses me
he will never miss me
he'll realize it,
i know he will,
no
what did i do wrong
he's just stalling until
his fun and games
are done
and then
he'll come back
he'll love me again
i don't want to wait for him
but i will wait for him
but i can't
he will never love me
but he loved me for so long
it was never real
was it?
how can you just stop
how can those feelings just
stop
Feb 2013 · 575
waiting
Devyn Feb 2013
summer and winter, day and night
i am here for you
the buzz of my phone
you want to see me
drop what i'm doing
leave who i'm already with
it's all about you
but i wait for you
and wait and wait
for seconds minutes hours, i'll be waiting
and you'll stroll outside
my car turned off to save gas
i waited so long
but you're here now, it's okay
but will you ever really be here?
spring, fall, where are you?
i'm still here
but my phone doesn't buzz anymore
i'll be waiting until it does

— The End —