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 Jan 2014 Devon Clarke
samasati
we have the same freckle on the same palm
right hand, below the thumb

you’ve got a fake parrot in your bathroom
and I grew up with one in mine, a jungle bathroom my mother painted

if you owned measuring cups, the cookies would have tasted
more like sugar and less like soap

we watched 68% of Hercules and 90% of Pocahontas
then it was suddenly 5AM and I made you stay awake with me

kisses were soft
I taught you how to make someone feel good by grazing your fingertips
up and down their arm, wrist to the shoulder
you shivered and your eyes glazed over

the affection gave me goosebumps
the guitar gave me nostalgia

you said you’re moving to london soon
I said I was so excited for you
you said you needed to get your life in order instead of swoon over some girl
I hate and I love always being that girl

you own a lady bed with rhinestones on it
you said they messed up the order but you kept it anyway
I giggled
we cuddled
you fell asleep
I listened to you snore
I left to go to work
I think you're sweet
and I’m sorry that I don’t care if I never see you again
 Jan 2014 Devon Clarke
Ashley
I'm sorry I'm so boring, I'm just too empty today.

my colors are grey and my blood has long been drained out and replaced with a black muck that makes it hard to move much less try to be charming. I've got cinder block shoes and a matching stone sweater which weigh me down as i trek through the empty land masses, trying to find you. I wear my smile mask in hopes of coming across as someone you might want to talk to or be friends with, but it makes it so hard to breathe and taking it off means someone might be able to undo the laces on my cinder block shoes, or unbutton my stone sweater, or kiss my hardend lips softly but passionately enough to set off a series of tingles that make the guck in my veins turn back into glowing crimson blood, filling me in a way i'm not sure how to deal with. And that's terrifying. Because once all of my armor is taken away, my poor hero is left only with my cracked, scarred, and stained body that was ruined by years of torture from wearing my burdensome ensemble.

I'm sorry i can't be perfect for you, I'm just too broken today.
I came of age
as one of the
many young
knights who would
mature and become
Pirates.
Our kingdom
stretched from
the end of
the world along
the cliff
lined Pacific.
To the
low side of
Alma.
The sprawling
wild canyons
of 6th street,
to the railroad
tracks along
the waterfront.

Daring as we were
we drank straight
from the
bottle while
constantly
losing ourselves
beneath the
shadow of the
Owl.

Our friendship
was a brotherhood
and a hand shake
meant a hell
of alot more
than a greeting.

Black eyes and
stab wounds
worn like
medals earned
in battle.
The ******* was
white as bone
and the girls
were still as
fresh as the
Tangerines we
picked from
our neighbors
yards
in the summer.

The young Pirates
of those days took
all this Town
had to
give.
And even when
beaten down and
hungover.
The need to
experience still
fought on for
more.

The Armor
I wore in
those early
days was
youth.
And that armor
with stood
it all.

Youth can and will
endure many
things.
Almost all things.
All things
that
is but
time.
 Jan 2014 Devon Clarke
tayler
everything we
do is selfish and to boost
our fragile egos.
 Jan 2014 Devon Clarke
Ashley
step on the scale and cross your fingers.
step off the scale and rush to the toilet.
get it out get it out the voices chant
this food is evil
its making me fat, its making me ugly
no one will love you if you're ugly!
i want it gone, and as a plunge my finger down my throat
my body shakes
my eyes water
i contort, throwing myself against the toilet
i can feel it
the evil food is gone
there's nothing left
but if it has really gone away
then why do i still feel like this?
because its not the food that's evil,

its me.
 Jan 2014 Devon Clarke
Ashley
Hi Dad,do you love me?*
Why of course i do sweetheart, you're my daughter after all.
Now shhh quit talking, I'm on a conference call.

Hi Dad, do you love me?
Yes yes, of course.
But forget your mom, we're getting a divorce.

Hi Dad, do you love me?
Mhm, sure do!
but keep on working, you've got studies to tend to.

Hi Dad do you love me?
Yes, you're the bomb!
Now look the other way, while I'm hitting your mom.

Hi Dad, do you love me?
How could i not?
but if you get an A, I'll really love you a lot.

Hi Dad, do you love me?
Yes, you're beautiful, you're smart
Hope you don't mind me breaking your heart!

Hi Dad do you love me?
I do today.
careful though, i probably won't stay.

Hi Dad do you love me?
i guess you're okay
Now say goodbye as i move far far away.

Hi Dad do you love me?
Well i guess i have to
but check out my new family, way better than you.

Dad *please
, do you love me?
Why I'm afraid not
to be honest sweetie, you never had a shot

But why don't you love me, am i not good enough?
Never were honey. But quit crying, be tough.
 Jan 2014 Devon Clarke
Ashley
I'm a bright blue box with a bitter black inside.

I screamed 'open me! open me!' to those who had tried.

As they peek in it takes their breath away,

how broken and sad before them i lay.

Shuttering and sobbing, i scream out: close the box!

because i know no one can undo my sad twisted knots.

shame on me for trying, who could ever care?

I wanted to be happy, but i doubt I'll make it there.

My inside grows darker, my dreams more disturbed,

but the outside still gleams blue, fake, unperturbed.

My dark insides take over, I can't turn it off

I'm trying, I'm trying, but the voices just scoff.

Happy? Loved? You? You've got to be kidding.

These things are reserved for light, your darkness is forbidding.

Close your eyes babe, and try to make it through

while your dark dark insides utterly consume you.

So come on, sit down. Make yourself at home.

Let the voices talk, let your mind roam.

Because you're trapped here darling, inside this blue box

no keys have the power to undo your locks.

Your blue box is shut. Seal it off, seal it tight.

It's simple, you just have no hope to ever see light.

The people, they leave. They don't understand.

Each time they go, unable to withstand.

You're a being of sadness, disguised as a girl

come on, fake a smile, let your lips curl.

Yes, cut yourself off, you little blue box.

Make yourself tough, a foundation of rocks.

Because not feeling anything, nothing at all,

is the sure-fire way to make certain you don't fall.
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