Why is my heart so heavy for no reason at all?
Was it made like this? Am i destined to fall?
Who is this pushing me down when i try to soar past,
the agony in my heart that appears ever thriving and vast?
It's always raining on the inside, and now it seems that i'm flooding
the feelings so sad, the words are so cutting
I've learned how to swim, but my arms are getting tired
and i'm losing all hope, I've become uninspired
Someone please, come sever the cinder blocks of self-pity that are tied to my feet
before i drown in this dismal downpour, dragged down by a heart of concrete
Oh no the flood, it's pouring out of my eyes
Who is that there? Can't you hear my cries?
The tears fall and they fall, they stream down my face
I ask them what's the hurry? is this some kind of race?
Don't worry tears, there's plenty of time to cry
when you're so overwhelmingly sad, **and you don't know why.

we place immeasurable weight
on worthless unnecessaries
mindsets carousel pointless
reverberation off desolate hearts

school, jobs, money, houses,
cars, clothes, shoes, religion, media,
materialistic vacancy

food is waste
shelter is empty
water is dead

I don't want to survive
if I'm not alive

I miss you.

Though I've never felt your touch,
or heard your laugh,
or seen you cry,
or had a deep talk late into the night.

My chest literally aches physically
as I'm longing to be the one
you call when you need someone
and the one you know as your own.

How can a heart miss someone
it's never even known?
you have reshaped my ideas
and become my definition of love.

I miss you so
though you would never know
how my soul yearns for you
because you are not my reality.

I miss you so much.

Sometimes when my mind drifts
it goes back to endless hallways
and that all too familiar scent
overtakes my senses

My spine actually cringes
at the thought of the needles
piercing the central nervous system
they forgot to numb

my thoughts swim in the pools
that formed in my mother's eyes
as she quoted the neurologist
"your son is dying."

I can still taste the confusion
that drowned my confidence
and left me wondering
if it'll ever resurface

my dreams never stopped crying,
if they even have the chance to exist
they're nothing short of terrifying,
nightmares replaced the rest

it's odd that I can remember
the sickness that consumed me
but completely and utterly forget
the happiness that prequeled it