At first glance
The suggestion of us being friends
I couldn't take
It was met by my hate
I wanted to hit it
And drag it to the side of the road like it was a deer
But in my haste
I made it clear I wanted to date
And now I'm shaken
By the second thoughts that appeared
And I don't know if I should mow it down
And watch it struggle to live in my rear view mirror
Or run with it
I shot down friendship
As it sailed across the sea
And now what's left
Is you starting at me
Trying to put back the pieces from the debris

From myself
Lost in the debts of my own mind
Blessed with gifts mishandle
Strangled by fear of failure
Abducted by violence
Saved by love , Kissed by lust
killed my regrets, Left sadness for dead
Emotions once split
Blended until the lines blurred
Unable to correctly detect which one to feel
Attack by the swarm in my beehive
UnImmune to the stings
Swollen from the venom
Drowned in the honey
Life whizzes by
Liked the wind
When I’m high upon a swing
Landed deep in a maze
Sold my soul to false prophets
Hoping to be saved
Happiness can be addicting
But am I willing
To **** parts of myself
Just to taste the feeling

My hearts been broken
And It’s sometimes hard to believe
But it’s no joke
When I say sometimes I could choke
On the fear that it won’t change
Smiling faces help conceal what I’m faced with
Conflicted
Twisted like a drained towel
But somehow i keep it contained
Convinced I can endure it
Don’t need help
I’m sure of it
Wish my mom warned me about the bad weather
The slight drizzle
Turned into heavy rain
And I’m just getting wetter
But not getting any better
The cause unspoken
But well known
I haven’t been the same since god called you home
Sometimes I think I have ptsd

This wasn’t my intentions
But I couldn’t find the right ways to prevent this
Didn’t know who to vent with
So this what you get
When your mind shift to being mentally alone
Not a feeling a condone
But as the sky cries
Not even the clouds gather
To shield me
So as the dirt melts to mud around me
And my boots begin to sink
The wood of the shovel softens up
Seemly molding to my grip
As I begin to move the earth
Deeper and deeper
Until I’m satisfied
That the knotted off bag will fit
And as I cover it
The rain falls more
I feel heavier then before
Almost as if the weather is telling me not to do this
But this is the only solution I could come up with
Who’s to say the contents within it
Just know
You were buried with love

Did my desires get set ablaze
How bad was the flame
Numb to the point
That I still can’t feel a thing
Third degree burns
Am I still on fire
So use to the warmth
I’m unsure
Tossed in the sea
But evaporated the liquid around me
To intense the heat
Fuel by thoughts
I try to keep it contained
But it rises out of the depths
Keeping anything and everything in check
Can’t find the ways to ***** it out
They just get caught in the blaze

If I told you how i feel
Would you really listen
Blood gushes from a fresh wound
Melting the snow
When struck by the sun it glistens
Thoughts run wild
Fear a wolf that roams free
Cornered
And it has me back to a tree
Mouth tented red
Pieces of me missing
Wedge in between its teeth
Panting hides it’s face behind a veil of steam
Strands of fur sticks to my hands
Proof I withstood the attack
It sits
As I slump to the ground
Eyes fixated on me
I can sense it’s frustrated
Shifting its feet
Unsure what to do
Because if it kills me
It would cease to exist too

Good news is all they want to hear
So I lie when their near
All the while what I’m suffering with
Whispers in my ear
But my pain you’ll never know
Peering in
But you can never see passed the closed door
Pills gulped behind it
Red
To take away the aches
White to relax
Down the hatch
Splash
What an impact
On the couch I crash
Closed eyes
Helps stop the world from spinning
Motionless
Keeping the contents in my stomach from spilling
Groggy
To weak to adjust my laying arrangements
Text shows I’m needed
Everyone’s so damage
What I’m feeling is back seated
I have no time to hurt