I stare into space
Hoping to conjure up answers
But the confusion in my heart
Clouds my mind
Doors closed
Locked from the inside
Blinds down
I sit in a vacant room
Occupied by darkness
The silence sting my ears
Memories crash in an out like waves
I try to hold on to them tight
But they can’t be saved
Battery running low
The only light that pollutes the air
Is the 10% warning on my phone
Paragraphs typed
I often wished weren’t sent
Feeling sorry for myself left me spent
One friend left in my corner
She begs me not to push her away
But the confusion has left me with nothing to say

I don’t know how to feel
I smile
But that grin you see on my face
Yeah it’s not really real
I laugh and chuckle
Even clutch my abs tight
So you think the emotional I’m showing is true
It’s fabrication
Fiction
But your unable to see
That the happy expression on my face
Really isn’t me
The jokes I crack are just a distraction
In reality
There’s sadness stuck in my throat
But I’ll do everything I can so it won’t show

I’m not a perfect being
After all I’m human
I don’t have the best smile
Sometimes I find my voice annoying
Like a whaling child
I’m not that tall
To some I’m considered short
Compliments of attracting sent my way
But when I look in the mirror
All I see is faults in my face
I tell the truth
But lie with the best
I don’t have a gorgeous body
Barley have a chest
I have bags under my eyes
From constantly chasing sleep
Scars on my face
No one seems to notice
So that means no one really notice me
I’m not perfect
Imperfections all over me
But the only thing I’ve perfected
Is the mask I wear everyday
I smile and laugh
So everyone will think
That I’m doing ok

I heard my barber say today

You think your situation is bad until you hear someone else’s story.
That’s when you realize your problems ain’t ****.

Why did that make me feel better?

The Good
Promises of ever lasting happiness
Two beings intertwined by faith
“It’s destiny”
You constantly remind me
Dreams of me and you
I was a lonely flower
Never watered
Never nurtured
Until you walked into my garden
Placed me in your hand
Planted me on fertilized land
I accepted your love
Finally we were good
Maybe to good to be true
Two people in love
On a mission
To prove to each other, our love was true

Bad
But doubt was never far behind
It stood back at a distance
Watching
Waiting for the perfect time
For it to invade my mind
It crept into my thoughts
Switched wires
Pushed the wrong button
Flipped on random switches
Made me believe
You’d never love me
What if you leave
What if this is all a lie
I don’t think this is meant to be
But you were diligent
Determined to prove your love
You’d fight to the death
And wouldn’t rest
Caught a case of the love bug

Ugly
Where’d you go ?
We can make it
But you were a no show
You’re gone
Left
Without a reason
Without a trace
Now I’m haunted with memories
Tortured by Visions of your smiling face
And your greens eyes
What happened to us?
Where did it go wrong
I believed every word you said
Hung on every I love you
Like lyrics from a song
I was prepared to hand you my heart
Gift wrapped it
Shipped it to you
I guess I was wrong
Now I sit here
Sad and stuck
Friends tell me to move on
Others say **** it up
Pain heals with time
You’ll get over it
But how can I forget someone that just vanished

You were my motivation
You gave me reasons to grin
You were why I smiled
You touched my heart
And flipped it on
It’s been off for awhile
Kinda embarrassing to admit
You swept me off my feet
I felt comfort in your arms
But then
You dropped me
Left me laying on the floor
Now every night I have to fight these dark thoughts
And painful emotions
On top of that
Misery has came creeping back
She sits outside my window
Tapping on the glass
I can hear her foots steps looking for ways in
The breaths she take are heavy
Mimicking my own
Her whispers seem to trickle in
Invading my ears
Her laugh disrupts my sleep
I can almost feel her touch sliding down my sheets
I can’t fight her anymore
Hand on the door ****
As I stand at the front door
Staring into her piercing green eyes
She smiles
And it melts me
I’m on the edge of relapse
And she knows I’ll let her In

I’ll cry for you
Ball out my heart
So much so
That my heavy tears
Just my split the pavement apart
No more hiding
No more lies
I’ll cry for you
Expose the feelings
That’s been hiding in the dark
I’ll cry until my eyes are no longer red
I’ll cry until the black lines under my eyes give
I’ll cry until the hidden scares are healed
I’ll cry for you
That’s something I usually don’t do
I’ll cry for you
Maybe I already have