He always smiled
Laughed and cracked jokes
He walked with his shoulders squared
His head always held high
Confidence almost radiated off him
He had so much pride
So it came to everyone’s surprise
When they saw a report on the morning news
He had hung himself
Used a double knotted noose
Tied his hands behind his back
So he couldn’t get lose
And wrapped rope around his ankles
So his legs wouldn’t flail
That just goes to show you
You never really know what someone else is going through

Yeah you’re right
There’s this gapping whole
Inside of me
And it just grows constantly
Mostly because I feed it
With the thoughts that haunt me at night
And there’s nothing I can do to fill it
It even swallowed my heart
Desperately I try to retrieve it
But no matter how far I stretch my arms
I could never reach it

Are you even real
Or was it in my loneliness and seclusion
That my imagination created you
Her eyes bright green
As if she knew
How much I find them so attracting
They’re suffocating and almost crippling
It’s weakening
But are they even real
Because when I look in your eyes
It’s almost as if they’re telling me
Go and hide
Behind this coloration
You’ll find deception
But I don’t know
I can’t go
I’ve been entangled in her words
As if she knew what I wanted her to say
I’m her first love
She only wants me
How can I turn and leave
When these words are so poisoning
They race through my veins
Rotting me
And only she holds the cure
Are you even real
I need to know
My mind says no
But when she speaks her voice melts me
And I can’t help but get lost in her ocean
But I don’t understand
To me you’re perfect
From your hair to your smile
But I can’t even hold your hand
Which leads me to believe
You’re just my imagination

Sometimes I feel like the biggest loser
It ***** being unable to trust
I feel like my heart has been ripped out my chest
And chunked
I don’t know what to do
Where to turn
Or who I can vent too
That’s what happens when you lack trust
If I was trapped in a burning building
I don’t believe anyone would come to my aid
I don’t even believe I deserve to be saved
I know I shouldn’t feel this way
But sometimes I feel I’m as useless as a worm
I’m just everyone else’s bait
And the thing is
I’ve tethered myself to the line

Assume everyone will betray you and you will never be disappointed

-Tobias Beckett

I’ve never received a flower
Or even a rose
But I’m a guy
So it’s acceptable I suppose
No kisses
Or sweets
No treats
That signifies ones feelings for me
No token of ones love
But I have gotten
Disappointment
Watered with hate
Planted in betrayal
Fertilized with lies
And maintained by fakes
Roses are Red
But my roses are dead
And crumble beneath my feet

I mean well
But I can’t stop my mind

I want to be left alone
Not because of you

Because loneliness is what I’ve always known
Currently how I am

I don’t deserve happiness
And happiness is a package deal that comes with you

Visions of us hugging, cuddling
It plagues my thoughts

You’ve invaded my mind
I must stay away from you

That’s what the saddens in my heart say
But my conscious wants you to stay

I don’t know what I should do
So I do what I always do

I’ll distance myself
And hope I don’t lose you