I kneel before you though you are no God
I give you my shame, lonliness, hopelessness and pain
You take it all with no argument, no hesitation and no judgement

When I kneel before you I feel the world staring down upon me; disappointed and accusitory
What would they say if they saw me in these moments?
The world, friends, family.......what would they say?
I can't stop spending time with you though I have tried

Unfortunately, it only takes a thought
It use to be harder to give it all to you
Forcing myself to bare those things to you.........it use to be so hard
Now it is easy! And I hate myself for it.

To keep myself sane, to keep it all inside, I run my tongue across my gums to feel the missing molars, the hole in the bicuspid, the degraded bicuspid and think in my head......
"Fight the urge. Fight the urge. Fight the urge to kneel and purge."

I go silent. I go numb.
I beat it, I hope, at least for today
But, I see you and feel the need to give it all to you
And in that moment I am beautiful, or, at least I hope to be

I made the mistake of listening to society
They told me to be the way they dictate on tv, in magazines, on billboards, and bus signs and newspapers and the radio
I tried because they said it wasn't ok to be me
To just be me
I wasn't enough
Why can't I be enough?

Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts! It's too easy!

I kneel before you though you are no God
I give you my shame, lonliness, hopelessness and pain
You take it all with no arguments no hesitation and no judgement

"Fight the urge. Fight the urge. Fight the urge to kneel and purge."

                                                        ­                      FLUSH!!!!!!!

I brushed my hand across what you said
then remembered
the exact moment I discovered
my favorite hiding place
where my heart could take deep breaths
and move away from the shadows
speaking as echoes across my mind.  
I could feel them move far, far away
from my beating heart
taking me to heights
where I could escape to a better place,
I thought I'd never find.

The deepest pain.....all the hurt I feel,
becomes trivial in this journey
where I define myself
and rises above my existence
here in the solitude
I find
within this hiding place.
Here, my heart becomes softly addicted
to leaving behind
the complications which cling
to the railings
of all my inspiration
when I attempt to write
the song of a nightingale
and every bad memory.........
erase.

When I tell the story of this fragile butterfly,
possible, it becomes autobiographical,
I come across larks of the sky, sharks too,
how lucky to see you, fleetingly- a swan at large, so lovely!

Take me to the river
Or the lake
On the water,
Where we can watch old men fish
And make wishes,
Sending them off
into the sun.
Take me to
where I can see the trees
on a hill
from where I lay
in a little red boat,
where frogs belt out a
Curious call,
And bare feet splash
in muddy marshes.
Where clouds shaped like sea horses
Become whales
And turtles before our eyes,
Floating on and on and on and
Ongoing if we would
only stop measuring time.
And the depths
To where my slippery sword
Slashes the ripples,
reaching beneath the surface;
Where I’ll keep my hands apart,
arms out.
So that we’ll glide and collide,
we’ll follow and lead;
our little boat dance
would go on forever,
like the reflection that earth paints for the sky.

“Don’t forget me. Okay? I want to be remembered. Just not this way. I will remember you as a dancer who could weave patterns through the rain. And you remember me in a sailors cap and dungarees.”

“The smell of this never seems to go away. I won’t forget you, though I may over look us sometimes, just the same. I meant it when I said it. But if you wouldn’t mind. Do your best to forget me if you please..”

Bored at work
I take a razor to a white eraser

I slice an x down the marble white
So sharp the lines are invisible
Until I bend it

It will take much friction to hide what I did
But if I am too rough
It will break

Even though
You are only 12
You have the wisdom
And soul
Of someone
Who has
Experienced
A lot in life
I saw who
You were
Even when
You couldn't
I love you
Like a sister
And I will
Continue
To love
And to guide
You
Constantly
Watching
Over you
And helping
You along
Your way
I can't wait
To see the
Wonderful
And beautiful
Woman
I know
You will
Turn out
To be
In the
Meantime
Keep that
Wonderful
Beautiful
And sweet
Spirit that
You have
Don't let
Anyone
Take that
Away
I will be
Watching
And praying
And hoping
That all of
Your dreams
Come true
From me to you