Clothes strewn across the floor
Boxes lining the walls.
There's an echo in the living room
That wasn't there before.
The walls have been painted white
And the carpets have all been rolled up.
The feeling of home has evaporated,
Leaving behind the feeling of eternal rush
Thinking that there isn't enough hours in enough days
To finish getting everything in their boxes.
Piles of books and junk fill the room
Blocking paths to and fro.
Empty walls reminders that it's time to leave.
Dust swirling up in the air,
A constant warning that time is flying by.

Finally the emotions sink in:
This is the final week in a foreign country
That has been home for the past nine years.
It's time to return to a birth country
That was only a vacation home
That has long faded from memory.
Knowing that good-byes are only days away
Even hours
Pulls at the heart, unleashing the tears.
A sinking feeling sets in;
This is the last time,
For many years,
That travelling Asia will ever be so easy.
The last time this country will contain "home"
But not the last time it will call to the heart.
It will call and call but there will only be yearning
And longing but not action.
Who knows when this country will get its way?
Maybe a couple of years
Or maybe never
But the thought of leaving
Is just too hard to deal with.
With only days left
And the packers on the way,
The good-byes are looming.

I don't want to say good-bye again.
I don't want to leave my home.
I don't want to pack up my room.
I don't want to get rid of half my stuff.
I don't want to stop traveling Asia.
I don't want to lose my friends.
I don't want to go to college in America.
I don't want to miss out on the amazing foods here.
I don't want to decide what to take and what to leave.
I don't want to sell my books.
I don't want to acknowledge that I'll never see some of these people again.
I don't want to move another time.

With three days left
I have to finish packing.
But the tears keep threatening to burst free.
How do I say good-bye?
How can I leave my home?
Moving can be such a pain.

Your mother was over here again.
Asking about me and you.
But the funny thing is,
She never knew about us;
Not that we were together,
Not that we broke up,
Not our history.

She was asking if I saw you.
If we were at the sam party.
Never knowing
What passed between us.
It wasn't the first time.
She's asked about us before,
Wanting to know if we were friends.

I sometimes wonder
Should I tell her?
But then I think about us
And all that happend
And I think, Better not.
Your mother was over here again
Asking about me and you.
I didn't know what to say.

Congratulations!
It’s finally over!
You’ve climbed the mountains and trekked the canyons
Now it’s time to meet the future.

The past four yeas
Have been challenging and rough,
But we’ve chosen our careers
And high school’s not enough.

University’s on the way.
There are many more paths to tread
And more adventures to slay
All widespread.

We’ll be all across the world
Some here and some there
Not knowing the next place we’ll be hurled
But we’ll be well prepared.

We’ve all known each other for a while
Some longer than other
But through the years our lifestyle
Will keep up close together.

Our travels and experiences
Will unite us
Across the long distances,
Shortening the crevice.

Congratulations!
It’s finally over!
You’ve climbed the mountains and trekked the canyons
Now it’s time to meet the future.

I finally said good-bye
I told him last night
And i know that he was upset.
I told him to call me sometime,
But somehow I know he won't;
It’s just the way he is.

This morning I told my friend,
She said she was proud!
How could she be so happy?
That I said good-bye to him,
When I feel like dying on the inside?

I almost gave up last night
As I explained what was wrong
I almost gave in to his begging and pleading
But I just can't do it anymore
I had to say good-bye.

She asked if I was okay.
How can I be okay if I told him good-bye?
How can I be okay if I gave him an ultimatum that I knew he wouldn’t stick to?
I’m not okay
But I have to pretend that I am
Just to get by these last few weeks in this country.

2 days of school,
2 weeks of exams,
3 weeks before leaving this country forever
Not to come back
Leaving him forever unsure when I’ll see him again.
Why am I losing these last few weeks with him?
Why did I say good-bye now?

I didn't truly want to say farewell
But she made me.
She hates him
Even though she's never met him.

I finally said good-bye to him
And said she was proud of me
And asked if I was okay.
But how can she be proud?
How can I be okay?
When he's still on my mind?!?

Five years.
So much can happen
In that amount of time.

Five years ago you left.
Five years ago I thought I'd never see you again.
Five years ago seems a life time away.

Four years ago I found new friends.
Four years ago I didn't know how I'd get through.
Four years ago is so far away.

Three years ago I wasn't sure who my friends were.
Three years ago I saw you again for the first time.
Three years ago is so far gone now.

Two years ago I thought I found a new best friend.
Two years ago you came to live with me for a few weeks.
Two years ago is a distant memory.

One year ago I was shunned by my friends.
One year ago I said a final good-bye, unsure of how long until I would see you again.
One year ago is something I'm holding onto for the years to come.

Four months from now I won't have any friends.
Four months from now you and I, we will be reunited.
Four months from now is a future I'm grasping desperately.

Five years is a long time
To go without a best friend.
To go without my sister.

In a short span of months
We can finally see each other!
We can finally stop saying good-bye.

The next four years
Will be the best!
We won't have to wait and fly thousands of miles just to see each other.

From Prague to Kuala Lumpur
Takes so much time and is so far
We only see each other once a year.

Manhattan to Bronx
Doesn't take so long and is not as far.
Now we can see each other whenever we want!!

Five years.
So much can happen
In that amount of time.

But now,
Now we are together
Once again.

I took you for granted
Always thinking you'd be there
I ran to you for help
For someone to talk to
For someone to listen
For someone I thought cared. 

I took you for granted
Always thinking you'd be there
I never thought of the day that you'd graduate and leave me behind. 
I knew I'd miss you
But I never realized why. 
I thought it was simply because you were my best friend. 

I took you for granted
Always thinking you'd be there
I miss you more than ever
Now that I know I won't see you again
That you won't be there for me
That I don't have someone to talk to. 

I took you for granted
Always thinking you'd be there
But I never thought of you leaving
I never thought we'd stop talking
I never thought we'd stop being friends
I never really thought. 

I took you for granted
Always thinking you'd be there
But I never looked past that day
That week
That year. 
I never paid attention. 

I took you for granted
Always thinking you'd be there
I was wrong
I took you for granted
And never thought about the end of school
I took you for granted. 
Always thinking you'd be there.

She fell off the side
Of the steepest cliff. 

She holds onto the edge
Hanging on for her life. 

But her arms are tired,
So tired. 

She's been holding on 
for so long now. 

Her fingers are bleeding
Just like her heart. 

She's slipping
So slowly
Oh so slowly

You always knew when I wasn't okay
You could always tell with just one look
Then you'd sit down with me
And just listen no matter how long it took.

You were the only one
That would say, "Tell me the truth"
No one else has ever been able to see through this facade

Now that you're gone
I feel just as lost and alone
But even more because nobody's been able to see me
As you always could. 

You always knew
And found a way to cheer me up
Even though we grew apart
And had different friends. 

You always knew
And could make my day with just one hug
Just one smile
Just one small conversation. 

These people I call friends
Have yet to figure it out. 
I keep missing you
While waiting for someone els to say, "Tell me the truth"

You always knew
You always knew.

You asked me to trust you
And you expected a reply
I saw it in your eye
But I hesitated.

Even after you asked questions
As I told you my tale,
In which I apparently failed
To explain

You called me to say
That you would always be there
But you ran as fast as a hare
And you lied.

You asked me to trust you
And you expected a reply
I saw it in your eye
But I hesitated.

I revealed that I couldn’t trust
Not when friend after friend
Brought an end
To every relationship.

You said you understood
You comforted me as the tears streamed down my face
But you ran as if in a race
And you never looked back.

You asked me to trust you
And you expected a reply
I saw it in your eye
But I hesitated.

I wanted to trust you
You said you could comprehend
Even after end and end
You said you would be there.

But now here I am
Lost and alone
Searching for a bone
Trying to understand how it happened again.

You asked me to trust you
And you expected a reply
I saw it in your eye
But I hesitated.

You asked me to trust you
I guess I was right
But thanks for the insight
Now I know where I went wrong.

You asked me to trust you
And you expected a reply
I saw it in your eye
But I hesitated.

We went for a walk
Into town.
You told me a story
Just to pass the time.
I was quiet as I listened
While trying to figure out if this was just a dream.

We went for a walk
Into town.
You led us to different shops
But never stopped.
I smiled
Telling you about myself.

We went for a walk
Into town and back.
You finally stopped
And sat down in the park.
I sat next to you
But slightly apart.

We went for a walk
Into town and back.
You put your arm around me,
Pulling me closer.
I leaned against you
Trying to hide the motional war inside of me.

We went for a walk
Into town and back.
You leaned in for a kiss
Finding my lips, gently holding me tight.
I closed my eyes
As we disappeared in our own world.

We met up
All the time.
You held my hand
Silently promising your protection.
I told you my problems
Thinking I could lose myself with you.

We met up
All the time.
You would hold me tight
Seeming to never want to let go.
I opened up to you
Believing it would last.

We met up
All the time.
You were always there
Waiting just for me.
I saw a change in your eyes
But I didn’t say a word.

We slowly started to drift apart
Going our own separate ways.
You call every now and then
Asking me to meet up.
I sometimes give in and agree
Sometimes I listen to the confused mess that tells me to ignore you.

We slowly started to drift apart
Going our own separate ways.
You hurt me
Deep inside.
I wonder what
Was going through your head.

We slowly started to drift apart
Going our own separate ways.
You keep leading me
Never stopping.
I am still following you
When I should just let go.

We went for a walk
Into town and back.
We met up
All the time.
We slowly started to drift apart
Going our own separate ways.

Sometimes I wish
We were still together.
Sometimes I wish
You would just leave me alone.
Sometimes I wish
We had never met.

Sometimes I just wish…

Just let me say,
Before you ask another question,
That the day you see into my mind
That is the day,
They day that you will run away.

Just believe me when I say,
So that you can understand,
That if you look into my mind
All you will see are thoughts.

Dark thoughts swirling around
Contradicting each other.
Confused feelings bouncing back and forth
Merging with the next.
Happy thoughts cartwheeling to a corner
Only to be shrouded in darkness.

Just let me say:
Please stop trying
You don't need to see what's in my mind
Just understand that I'm trying
That I don't want you to leave.

You asked me to trust you
And you expected a reply
I saw it in your eye.
But I hesitated.

You grew worried,
Unsure of yourself.
So I pointed to the shelf
Where all the pictures stood.

I knew that you finally understood
As realization dawned upon your face.
So I told you a story to erase
All of the tension that had built.

You asked me to trust you
And you expected a reply
I saw it in your eye.
But I hesitated.

You asked me questions
As I told my tale.
But all I did was flail
As I tried to explain.

I revealed that I couldn’t trust
Not when friend after friend
Brought an end
To every relationship.

You asked me to trust you
And you expected a reply
I saw it in your eye.
But I hesitated.

They broke me
In ways you can’t imagine
As they left my heart and soul all barren.
I don’t know how to trust.

I want to trust you
But after end and end
You must comprehend
That I don’t know how.

You asked me to trust you
And you expected a reply
I saw it in your eye.
But I hesitated.

I was looking for some inspiration
but all I found was a crowded courtyard.

We walked the streets
all we saw was a man blowing fire.

We screamed and cheered
while he almost burned down the tree.

I was looking for some inspiration
but all I saw was a place full of people.

We headed for the bathroom
but the lines stretched for miles.

We talked and talked
in a small little corner.

I was looking for some inspiration
but there was only fireworks.

We ran to watch
only the reflection on the building could be seen.

We recorded the sky from an odd angle
hoping to catch some real fire in the sky.

I was looking for some inspiration
but all I found were empty words.

We walked the streets
and I guess I finally found some inspiration.

We talked and talked while watching the sky
hmmm there was some inspiration in that I guess!

Why can I still feel your hand holding mine?
Why can I still hear your voice inside my head?
I thought we were through with all this
I wanted to forget everything
But for some reason
It keeps coming back.

Your lips against mine.
The way you say my name.
It was supposed to be over
I didn’t want to remember it
But it’s still there
Inside my head.

Why do I still see you when I close my eyes?
Why do I still look out the window expecting to see you?
You ended all this
I was finally moving on!
But for some reason
You came back.

The way your face dances in the dark.
Its 2:30 and you’re waiting just for me.
You said it was over
And it’s been two months.
But still you’re calling,
I want to go back to you.

Just remember
That I was the faithful one.
I was the one that checked on you
I was the one that put on a new face for you.

I was always there for you
Even when you weren’t there for me.
I was the faithful one.
I waited for you, time and time again.

You left me alone with just my thoughts.
I guess I wasn’t worth ten minutes
Of your time.
Even though I was the faithful one.

I took your ****.
Over and over again.
I checked on you
Even when you didn’t want me to.

I was the faithful one
Who waited for her best friend
And took all the **** she was given
By her best friend.

I guess you didn’t give a ****
As I waited for you
Like a faithful friend.
But you never showed your face.
You never showed your face.

I guess I was just a toy.
Just something for you to use,
for this, for that
Maybe a little bit of everything.

Why did you wait,
before you ripped it all out.
Why did I have to believe
every word you said.

You used me
You didn't really care about me.
I fell for your little trap
and gave you everything I had.

This one’s from the first time we talked.
This one’s from our first kiss.
This one’s from that time we laughed all night long.
This one’s from all those texts.
This one’s from all those late night calls.
This one’s from all those time we went out.

This one’s for every thought.
This one’s for every touch.
This one’s for all those hugs.
This one’s for the secrets.
This one’s for all the tears.
This one’s for you.

My arms are covered in scars.
My arms have wept blood.
My arms are dead.
Just as my heart.
Just as my tears.
Just as my love.

A simple sorry doesn’t erase everything that happened.
A simple sorry just won’t do.
A simple sorry can’t fix a broken heart.
A simple sorry won’t forget a thing.
A simple sorry won't make it alright.
A simple sorry won’t forgive you.

This one’s for you.
Just for you alone.
The scars are gathering,
Climbing across my skin.
Blood is dripping, dripping down.
All because of you.

Why?
Oh, why did you have to interfere?
I was happy!
I actually had a friend.
There was someone there to hold my hand
Someone to talk to.

Why?
Why did you have to come along and ruin it all?
I didn't have to pretend!
I was truly happy!
There was something to look forward to
Something to hold back all the pain.

Why?
Oh why did you have to come back?
I was so happy!
I finally opened up and trusted them.
Everything was perfect between us
But you came out of nowhere and the picture was broken.

But then you came along.
You always come along at the wrong time.
I've lost so much
But you're never there until somethings comes along
Just so you can interfere.

If this is what the truth brings,
Then never shall I speak it again.
I hate you.
I don’t need you.
I don’t care that you walked away.
Alas,
The lie hurts as much as the truth,
Or even more,
So never shall I speak it again.
But then what shall I speak?
Riddles?
I do not like riddles,
The meaning is much too hard to find.
Then I shall speak the truth,
For the truth hurts,
But it is the truth.
And if you walk away
After I speak the truth,
Then you do not matter.
Now I'm being honest with myself.
You do not matter,
Even though I care.
Why do I care?
When you do not matter?
Now I'm dissuaded to use the truth,
But it is best.
For now I can tell
Who cares,
And who does not,
And who shall never.
So good-bye to those
Who do not and shall not ever care.

looking forward
looking back
looking towards the future
its a cruel circle.

moving left
moving right
moving towards the front
its a cruel cycle.

going up
going down
going towards something in the middle
its a cruel rotation.

looking, moving, going,
just trying to get somewhere
to do something
its a cruel world
where we can't find the relevance
between the old and the new
between the good and the bad
between the past and the present.

once we see relevance
we can see our true mistakes,
the mistakes of the past generations
and the cure for the future
the relevance between two different lifetimes
all in one world.

everyday i die a little inside
everyday i put a smile on my face
waiting for the chance when i don't have to pretend.

that chance is that special day
once a month, or one in three weeks
that day specially marked for you.

this is the day when i can just let everything loose.
the day when i NEVER have to pretend
because i'm with my best friend.

everything is bottled up inside me
waiting
waiting.

it explodes the day before
when you say you can't come.
when i realize that i can't take this mask off.

i just need someone to trust
but there's nobody
just you and only you.
my best friend in the entire world.

i miss you
i need you
can't you just listen?

How long does it take for you
To notice what is happening
Right in front of your face?

How long before you
Can turn to somebody and ask
Are you okay?

How long does it take
Before you realize
That somebody doesn’t want to talk?

How long
Do you want to pretend
That we are friends?

It’s all fine
But not really
I just want to know
How long?

I know that I say I don’t care.
That I don’t feel the pain.
That life is unfair,
Love, friends, pain,
It all goes away.

But if people would just listen
And hear the words that I’m saying
Or just read between the lines.
They may finally realize
That I can’t stay invisible forever.