First of all this is not a poem
this isn't something that should look beautiful
this isn't something you should relate to
Romantic is something it's not, among other things
because this will be about you

Second if this is about you I'll start with a few
a few of this and a few of that
the day you told me you loved me
and the day you held my hand tightly
so tight that you could've broken my wrist
But maybe not tight enough to make me believe in all of this

Third our first kiss
when you and I were both shocked
because yes
What the hell just happened
time stole our first but it was still a bliss
The way your eyes widened when our lips should've missed
and I whose heart pounded but became calm in the end of it

Fourth the first time you broke me
it was about her
the one you told me
the girl you loved with all you had
the girl who made you into something you should not have been

Fifth with all the things I have seen
an abandoned building in a human being
I knew from the very start what I had to do
I knew that it would wreck me
but I thought what better way to lose myself than to
break my own glass and give it you

Six it has been 19 months of breaking and fixing and stitching
and I have given you my all
but ******* it still isn't enough to build up your walls
Can't you see that my hands are bleeding
I've picked up all your shards but you just keep leaving

Seven you tell me I'm beautiful but I'll never be able to believe you
you've proven to me too many times that I'm not going to be as beautiful as her and I guess that's okay because
I'm the empty spaces in a painting
the void in every universe
the gap beneath rotting bones
the perfect definition of nothing
the time when Earth has run its course

Eight the number of times I've tried to unlove you and  the number of times I knew what dying felt like
It isn't easy and it isn't pretty
you start becoming someone else when you pretend; someone ugly
I took a shot at pretending because I thought maybe if I pretended long enough to not love you anymore
it would become real
And the world would open some new doors
but i guess i was wrong because

Nine. The number of times I chose to love you more than I had to
the number of times I wanted to be blind of all the things that you do
But I never wanted to be blind around you either
because with you I always saw art
but the only art for you was her
I fell in love with your ways and how you light up my day
I fell in love with your soul
which actually feels like being a supermassive blackhole
Because blackholes are destructive the more they consume
the more they explode
and maybe that's what im becoming because

Ten. I love you now and I loved you then
enough with these words that won't even make sense
because when I'm done with this
there will be no more of us left
This is a actually a proper death
a proper way to end everything
a proper way of losing
These words won't be sufficient to make you feel the things I want you feel
But these words are the only way to make it seem real
you loved me because I reminded you of her
and she left you so what does that leave me to do?
I was never meant to be yours or maybe you weren't meant to be mine
Whatever way we will be fine
but before I end this I need to tell you one last time
it was my soul that you were holding
and I'll never regret giving you my pieces,because for you myself was worth breaking
If I could go back I still wouldn't
the only thing I'll go back to is number eight
Because now it's wrong
today it's my ninth time of dying.

The moment I knew that I had to love you more than how much love could be given was the moment I saw your eyes filled with passion; too focused, too driven.

You had your heart on your sleeve and I always had mine on guard
But with you the walls have been broken down, it seemed
I let it, even though it was hard.


In this world of chaos where everybody is a lost soul, I had to
promise myself to keep you happy, just to make you whole.

Angels and demons have been at it for a while.
Wondering what love is and what love does.
But baby I have known love since the moment our hands held each other
I lost me and you lost you; and ever since then, there was only an "us".


With a before there is always an after
you were whole again; never to be ruined, never to be shattered.
I had to remind myself that you weren't obliged to return the favor
love was never about reciprocality or what you lay on the table,
love was always just about loving and being able.
Able to understand that what's meant to be, will be.
Able to know that wild hearts should be set free.

And my love, you have the wildest heart in this world of art.
I will always be grateful that it's you who I've let my guard down for
These wounds are trophies for the battles we've gone through.
But now that the war is over, you are now your own soldier.


The moment I knew that I had to let you go was the moment I saw your eyes filled things I could not hold; too full of desire,too filled with fire.

I know you love me but I'm scared to be burned again.
I lost myself in the process of fixing you and now I don't  know what to do.
So if I let you go, I'm sorry, my love, but I had to.

I've come to the realization that i love the sea so much because it contains the story of us.
I; the waves cresting and crashing and you; the shore calm and caressing


like the waves i am an ever continuous current
going in whatever direction; different
different from everything that has its path
different from everyone full of wrath


and like the shore
you are  strong
you withstand the waves and more
ever so put and a place to breathe
you stay; even when the waves just crash and leave

so like the sea and the shore
we are never a bore
cresting and crashing
calming and pulling

we are both creating and destructing
beautiful and harmful
staying and leaving
loving and hating
and if that's not us or who we seem to be
then tell me, what the hell are we?

I have never seen eyes like yours
and sometimes i believe they contain the universe
I have never held hands like yours
it still makes me think that i could hold my whole world
I have never liked a scent as much as yours because one whip takes me  back to memoirs
I have never heard someone's heart beat like yours
it makes me fall asleep because it's music, not a bore

your eyes, your hands, your scent, and your heart beat, are only some of the things i fell in love with
I could go for days trying to find out some other way,  or the things that I could say
just to make you stay
but time has caught up with us
and maybe we ran out of luck
I want to tell the world how much my love for you is
but all I came up with is this

You have never told me that your eyes see me as someone beautiful
all you could ever muster was "you're adorable"
Your hands never held me as tight as I wanted your hold to be or
maybe I just didnt realize that the only one grasping was me
Your scent has never felt like you belonged to me
sometimes I know that it's for someone else so i just choose to be blind and not to see
and lastly your heart has never beated for me.
But I love you anyway so i'm setting you free.