Im slowly starting to forget how the sweet tincture of you always makes things taste better than they were
How the most mundane of tasks could be a grandiose adventure
But most importantly
I realize
That my view of you was so much better than the reality before me
And im happy
Not that i now think less of someone so far gone
But that i can feel again
You were a black hole of emotion
******* everything in not even letting joy escape
I thought that i had passed over that horizon edge and been forever lost
I should have taken my sage advice i had given you in the beginning:
Nothing lasts forever and time heals all wounds

I've always wanted to be someone else
Smarter
Wiser
Cooler
Someone better than who I am now
But today
Today I want to be nothing

There was a moment
Only briefly
Where I wished you were here
To relish in this moment
With me
But our time has passed
And I stand here
Alone

Here I am again
All 3 am thoughts
Scrambled mind and twisted fingers
I can't help but remember that time we

Nevermind
**** that thought for just one moment
Better yet make it forever

I've finally found someone else
Someone who doesn't annoy me with their very presence
Who can hold a descent conversation
A lady friend who's down to earth enough, yet just a little full of herself to make it cute

So why the ****
Is it 3 am
And I'm thinking of you
I thought I was done with this
I thought the script had been written but you didn't like the pages so you ripped them out and tore them to shreds
But didn't bother to rewrite them
You could've at least rewritten them
I would've settled for a D-rate horror movie where it's written so poorly they try and make it so that they subvert their own clichés and end up making it even worse
You could've at least given me a descent expla-

**** it who cares
I'm happier now

So I was walking by the book store today and thought of your favorite autho-

I'm happier now.

I took a picture of the sky last week, something I never used to do because I never saw beauty in the world until I looked into your ey-

I'm happier now. Period.

I was laying next to Amanda and her hair fell slightly over her face and when I went to move it away I was surprised at who was behind it, I was expecting it to be yo-

Im.....happy?

I'm sitting awake at 3 am all scrambled mind and twisted fingers
I can't help but wonder
Why do my thoughts linger on you

Everything is so fickle
Our light can extinguish as quick as a slight gust of wind on a candle
It's strange
One minute you exist
And the next
Oblivion
You were here for what seemed like an eternity at first
But I guess that's what life does to us
Were so busy living it we don't stop to actually LIVE it
You knew that best
You always tried to tell me
"Take it slow man"
"Don't be so uptight, just ride the wave bro"
I don't know why but you calling life "the wave" made me happy
You, the meat head redneck ****
Who would've guessed that would be where you find the most humble and down to earth individual
I sure didn't at first
It took time but you always tried to be my friend
I regret that I didn't open up sooner
So many missed memories
Lost fishing trips
Cold ones un opened
"#Gainz" to be had
God if only I could go back in time
Awnser that one last text
See you one last time

They say everything gets easier with time, but time only scabs over the wound
I hope that heaven does exist
I hope your cracking open a cold brewski with Jesus right now looking down on all of your friends cheering them on
I hope heaven exists and I'm a descent enough person to get in so one day, I can punch your *** in the chest, call you a *******, and chill over a campfire with our buddy yiungling.

I
Can finally say I don't hurt like I used to
Anymore
Keyword being:
Anymore
But I still hurt
And it's not the late night 3 am thoughts that keep me up
I no longer lose sleep over someone who hurt me so much
But it's during the day
When I'm working
Or when I'm with friends
That I wonder
"What is she doing right now?"
"How has she been?"
"Is she happy?"
"I hope so"
I think back on the times we had
The fun we shared
And at times I wish I could go back
And other times I just wish it never happened
I wonder if I'll ever feel that type of happiness again.
If I'll ever stop feeling this pain in my chest when I think of her
I've never been as happy as I was with her and I wonder if I'll ever get to have that again.
She's found someone new
And I'm stuck in this pain
I guess it's true
No two loves the same
But I wonder if I'll ever love again

God
I ******* HATE her ***

Not really though

I was dragged through hell and back on broken glass pulled by the noose around my neck and I can't bring myself to hate you

Now all I do is miss her
The way she smelled
The way the small of her back was so soft I could never stop touching it
How she would look at me and say I love you

I miss how she loved me

I can't hate someone I love so ******* much can i?
I've tried so ******* hard to
I've tried so ******* hard to forget you
But I can't
I can't become someone new when she holds half of who I was

A long time ago I told her that nothing she could do to me could make me hate her
And I hate myself for it but I was right

I sometimes wonder
What things truly could have been
I wonder if things are better now that I'm not around
I used to look forward to the future but now I'm constantly looking over shoulder hoping it doesn't come for me
Things change so fast
I would like to compare people to the seasons but  we change our minds and feelings like we change clothes during the day
Each outfit a new personality
Which outfit did she try on today I wonder?
The one that still loves art
The bookworm outfit
The one that still creates something everyday
The one whose poetry sings emotion into the heart of others
Or the one I know nothing about
The one that now likes things that were never a second thought to her
One that now contradicts past words beliefs and emotions
People change personalities
Like they change clothes
And unfortunately for me
You outgrew your old wardrobe

I read that if you truly love something
You never let it go
If you can't go a single day without thinking about it
Then hold on with all your might
But you wanted to let go
I've tried so hard to be angry
It's the only thing that makes the pain go away
But I can't
I can only sit here and wish with all my might that you were still here
Next to me
Sharing these covers
In this bed that used to smell like you
My mind flashes through all of our memories together
Trail hikes
Late nights
Movies
God she was everything to me
She was my person
And at one point in time I was hers
When did that change

something good happened today
it was insignificant and so small that i cant even remember what it is now
my first thought was to text her and tell her about it.
but that snot the way things are anymore
all missed calls and unanswered texts
what have we become
this isn't the future i imagined
the only future ive imagined in a very long time
when will i get a moment of happiness
and the first thought i have be to text the only one i care about
ive found an escape in the bottom of a glass
but its only temporary
a cure for the night to wash the loneliness and sadness away
every hour i want to text her
begging her for things not to end
for our friendship
our love
our life back
its all so pointless now
all missed calls and unanswered texts
its all
pointless

We never got to watch all the spiderman movies together
I remembered you talking about how you loved them
And I liked them too
God I wished we had taken a day to just cuddle up together and watch those **** movies

We never got to go camping
We planned it during the summer but we were off and on and I had to work so much so we never got to  
**** we should have

We never got to go see our favorite music artist in concert
We're both still in school and money isn't something in abundance for either of us
It's just not something we never had the time or money for
God ****** I wish we were more Fortunate.

We never got to be together
There was always something in the way of us.
Julian
Trust issues
Life
God I wish there was a time where we could just be us without the rest of the world

We never got a true chance of love
We're both young
We both have our lives to live
We both make mistakes
And right now we're just not good for eachother

I pray to a god I never believe existed until I met you that one day we'll meet again, both older, more wise, more sure of ourselves
And we hug and everything comes Flooding back.

But dreams are only dreams
And my pillow is too coated in tears for any gods to hear past the cloth

Are you happy
Does the thought of me ever cross your mind
At 3 a.m.
When you can't sleep    
I can never sleep now  
How does one sleep without their heart
My thoughts linger on you
The way my fingers ran through your hair
The shallow rising of your chest as you sleep
In my arms
The warm heat of love radiating from your body
Are you happy
I'm not

The sun is setting on the horizon of us
The dismal tides have crashed ashore
The bell has tolled it's final sound
This is a hurt so real I can feel it in my throat
My skin craves your touch
My soul aches for your embrace
And my mind wanders in search of you
Only to fall on deaf ears and empty pillows
The sheets have run cold
Your scent no longer lingers
My hands don't know what to do with themselves
The worst part of love isn't the initial heartbreak
It's the void left behind afterwards

Happiness is just a wet blanket I wrap myself up in at night
I think it'll make me warm at first. And it does.
But as the cold night draws forward it leaves me sopping and shivering.
Love is a lot like a wet blanket.
Except when it's not.
When her smile is like a fireplace that lights up the home in your heart.
Her heart.
It belongs to her now
Her kind of love was like a Sun in a vast sea of darkness where the tides of life rip everything to shreds and take everything away
Her love causes the galaxies in my veins to collide so fiercely my heart jumps out of my chest.
Her love
Was love
And nothing less

I'm afraid to blink
Because if I blink
I might miss one millionth of a millionth of a second
Admiring how beautiful you look
In the dull monotone light of my apartment bedroom

I don't know how you did it
But every single inch of this space
Our space
Feels like home

Every corner
Every carpet stain
Every wet spot because our dumb cat was an ***
That's something that still gets me
Our cat
Our own little family in this one bedroom
Before we set off to have our actual family
Every inch of the wall dedicated to art that we made together

Every picture hanging above the wall of us and you
It is home

I've realized that no matter where we go
Well be right at home
Because home is anywhere I go with you

I hate clichés
They take away from the authenticity of words
I could tell you I love you to the moon and back
But so what
So has everyone and their middle school lover
I could tell you I'd die for you
But there's a lot of people and things I would die for


One day I'll pull out a ring
Get on one knee
And tell you this
I'll live for yo

The place that I called home is no longer a home
This bed of mine is cold and unwelcoming
The sheets no longer hold your scent
All it holds now is the smell of cigarettes and regrets
Cold
empty
How can something
That was once so warm with love
Feel so derelict
The eye of the raging storm of regret is my heart
I long for the loving embrace you once gave me
I long for the love we once shared
Time used to not exist
And now
It's all I think about
The lost time I won't get to spend with you
But time doesn't exist
Not for the happy
Not for the loved

We are
two lovers
limbs tangled underneath a single sheet on a cold night
clinging to each other for warmth
we are two friends, tied together
but the red string of faith
in a loving embrace
I’ve started so many poems I don’t know how to finish
because I can’t find the right way to say I love you
but I have prayed to a god
I never believe existed until I met you
that he could give me the words to so eloquently tell you
just how much
you mean to me
I am no god fearing man
But I have prayed
that I get to wake up next to you every morning
that our children are a whole lot of you
mixed with a little bit of the person you love most
that we grow old together
that one day
we call four walls and a bed home

I'm going to bury the hatchet
But this time
Instead of putting it six feet under where it belongs
I allow myself to bury it in my own back
Again
For what seems like the millionth time
I've allowed myself mutually assured destruction
Like Hiroshima
Or the red scare
I systematically break down all the positives in my life
Everything that brings me joy
Everything worth living for
I destroy it all
Not with words
Or by actions
But by simple thought alone
This terror I cause myself is nothing new
In fact it's my closest friend
My worst enemy
My mother
My self
This anxiety
This panic
This restless nights and dreary days
Are what makes me who I am
I am nothing without it
And with it I am nothing
I am
Nothing

I sat at the corner of our street. It's funny the way things mean so much to us but nothing to others. It's strange, the metaphysical way you hold my face in your hands is something only we understand. Our street. We met here. We met again here. Sometimes I get coffee by myself at our coffee shop just to reminisce on that day. You were so beautiful. The way your hair perfectly frames your face. I always talked about your eyes. I found God in them, how could I not? The sky whispers your name to me on a daily basis. What did you think of me back then? I thought you were perfect. I think you are perfect. When I look at the sky I think of you. You love the sky and all its gradients. I imagine that when you look up at the sky you imagine limitless possibilities. Sometimes I think you might fly away. I always call you angel and I think it's appropriate. You're a beauty far too great to be of earthly descent. I look up at the sky and take another sip of the coffee. You always liked yours sweet. I look up at the sky and take another thought of you. I do that often. The funny way things mean so much to us but nothing to others. There's beauty in the closeness we share. There's beauty in everything about you. I look up at the sky one more time.

When the sun sets
The moonlight washes over your beautiful frame
Casting a heavenly glow over you like the aura of a goddess
The night slowly passes to the soft inhale and exhale of your breathing
The slight rise and fall of your chest
The serenading beat of your heart
Who does the sun rise for?
It rises for you
To shine the light in your beautiful eyes
To radiate the world in the warmth you exude almost supernaturally
The sun rises not by routine and not for the world
But The sun rises so that it can take in the beauty of you

I'm sorry
I told you when you broke up with me
That I would wait for however long it would take
For you to be okay
That was a lie
I can no longer sit on the sidelines
And pretend I don't love you
Pretend that
Every moment that I'm not with you
Isn't absolute torture that far outweighs whatever method the devil would use in hell
I'm sorry
I told you that I would stay your friend
Until the day you decided you wanted to get back together
That was also a lie
I can't carry on my life
With only idle chit chat between you and I
When we use to ride in your car
Music softly playing in the background
And talk about life
Love
Religion
Aliens
Idle chit chat isn't something that I can do
Without feeling that hole in my heart grow
I'm sorry
For telling you that this was okay
That everything will be okay
And that I'll stay by your side no matter what
Because I'm telling you the truth
I will stay by your side no matter what pain I feel
No matter how hard my heart breaks I will be your shoulder to cry on
I'm sorry
For all the times I ever told you I loved you
I'm sorry for all of the times I made you ***
I'm sorry for all the times I held you because you were crying
I'm sorry for always being there for you no matter how far away I was
No Matter what I was doing I was always there for you
I'm sorry for ever falling in love with
I'm sorry for telling you I love you
I'm sorry
Because I do

I just want you to know
That I've done well
I no longer let the razor
taste the iron of my blood
I no longer wake up to a pillow soaked in pain and regret
I just want you to know
That I'm not being entirely truthful
I wake up in the middle of the night
When I've had a dream of you and I
In a place I always dreamed us to be in
And the entire bed
Soaked in tears I haven't even realized I shed
I made you promises
Not to turn to destructive vices
To not slowly destroy myself
With the thought of never truly having you again
So I don't
I only wish that I could do those things
Let the razor make trails across my skin
Let the alcohol drown out the sounds of your voice
Let the noose hanging from my ceiling wrap around my neck
I only wish for these things now
Because I promised you
That when you broke my heart
That I wouldn't
Do anything stupid

I
Am inherently
And
undeniably defective
I still cry nightly over you
Over the way you said my name
So sweetly
Like a cool breeze through the summer night
Over the way I used to slap your *** and call you beautiful
When you've had a bad day and just needed something to make you feel good
Over the way I used to be with you
Happy is what I used to be
But only with you
Now things are different
And not the good different where the change in was necessary and made you better in the end
But the bad change
Where all you want is for things to be back to normal
Because every second they're not is another second in proverbial hell
I miss the way your lips fit perfectly on mine
I miss the way I used to trace the dip in your spine
I miss the way you said you loved me
I miss the way your hair flowed through my fingers I missed the way I held your heart in my hand
I miss the way you love me
I miss the way I meant so much more to you than any one else
I miss you
I miss me wanting you
I miss me wanting things to go back to how they were
I miss missing things
I miss feeling things
I miss missing


I no longer feel these things I used to feel
I had to **** off those emotions a long time ago to survive
Now
All I feel
Is nothing
But the need
For you
To be happy

I told you I was reminiscing
You asked
"Good, or bad"
The fact of the matter is
These memories are no longer defined by their situational merit
There are no good and bad only neutral
For the memories we shared then will only ever be that
Memories we shared then
We will no longer lay in your bed
With my arms around you
Like I'm a dying cancer patient
And you are my life support
And talk about the good times we shared and the trials we overcame
those are the past and this is now
And now
You are no longer mine to hold

They say
That no two loves are the same
That is probably the truest statement I have ever heard
I loved you so hard I gave you all of my pieces and left none for myself
You are a cancer that I wanted
A cancer that started in my mind and metastasized to my heart
I told you that I could read you like an open book
then I told you I didn't know why
That was a lie
It's because you're an open book and I've read and re-read all of your pages and I've memorized every single syllable of every word up to the pages we started to write together
I don't need to memorize those pages
Those are the pages that are so ingrained that no amount of alcohol, no amount of drugs, no amount of time could ever hope to wear away the carving of our pages on the walls of my heart
Now all I want to do is feel numb to this pain
Like you have felt for so long
Because of someone else
I use old coping mechanisms for today's hurt
They don't work
this pain is too new
I want to get so unbelievably drunk that I forget what your name tastes like
It's funny because
You're mother was always right
She knew we weren't ready
Why the **** does your mother always have to be right
Now
I'll forever see you in the face of every girl I meet
And I don't want to see any face other than yours

Life
As it seems
Is composed of what we dream
There are good dreams
And bad dreams
Dreams we can't remember
And dreams we never want to forget
I had a dream once
That we had a white picket fence
And our two dogs lazily laid down in the yard
While our children sit under the shade of the tree
I don't dream anymore

I don't sing
Not even by myself I never sing
But on a car ride back home one night
You put on a song both you and I know
And I serenaded the car to the tune
It was off
But I did it anyway
It's funny
Metaphorical or something I never really paid much attention to the exact rules of how to express myself in school
I never sing
But the songs you put in my heart were like church choirs on high
Shouting to the heavens their joys and hopes
To someone who's not even listening
You did too
It was softly
But you sang none the less
For those few moments
On that car ride home
I never wanted that song to end
It's funny
Maybe allegorical who ******* knows
The rules of English don't apply when your name is in my mouth
I spent so much time wishing that the song wouldn't end that I missed part of the chorus
I spent so much time
Wanting time to stop
So I could be with you
Longer

The greatest pain one can know
isn’t external
nothing in this world can damage yourself
more than yourself

We so seldom think that we are our own worst enemy
when we systematically breakdown ourselves
thought by thought
breath by breath
stroke by stroke
the pain in your chest far outweighs the one on your skin
And this distraction is all you have left

These cuts are too deep for any cosmetic solution
the medicine of choice for the mind is at the bottom of a bottle
and the sling on the heart just doesn’t quite cut it anymore
there is no cure all for this pain
There is no grandiose way to tell others
That you don't want to live anymore
That you would rather die
Than to have to suffer
Your own existence
For even
Another
Second

A funny thing about life
You can't use hope and happiness in the same sentence
Contrary to popular belief
You can't be happy and have hope
If you have to hope that tomorrow will be better
You are not truly happy
The mask you wear above the layer of pain you feel is not who you are
You cannot be happy
And hope
That you can snap out of it for just long enough to stop etching lines of pain and guilt into your skin
You cannot be happy and hope that you actually decide you want to wake up and face the sunlight of the next day
To others you can be happy
They don't have to see the storms that rage above your throat and behind your eyes
They don't have to see how what once was a raging forest fire of emotions and joy and happiness and life is now but a single burnt out match not capable of generating enough heat to relight any proverbial kiln
Hope is a ***** word
It hides it's true intent behind a cloud of positivity
And hope is a word I no longer know the meaning of

Time doesn't exist
It's something we only perceive
And it does funny things when I'm around you
For the past few months time has been frozen
The hand of the clocks on your wall glued to one position
3:15
And when I leave your presence it sped up
To breakneck speed
to whenever I would see you next
But now
Now time has slowed to a crawl
The seconds feel like minutes and the minutes hours
And it would help if I didn't keep looking at it
And I know I shouldn't but I do
I count down the minutes like it's all I have left
And it is
Time is all I have left
The ticking sound of the of the clocks on my wall are all I have left
And all it does is serve as a reminder
that I'm not with you

I've never been a believer
In miracles
Spirits
Or God
But the miracle of you
Is more than enough
To turn any non believer
Into a born again Christian

I sat down at the end of my bed today
On my knees
It was such an unfamiliar feeling
But I did it anyways
My hands closed together tightly
I prayed
I don't know who I prayed to
And what I prayed about is irrelevant as well
But I never prayed to a God I didn't believe in
until I met you

I Stitch my lips shut to a conversation I can not start because all it will bring is pain
I want to reach for you but you pull away
I miss the sound of your heartbeat but neither you nor I will feel the weight of my head on your chest because you are too numb
To numb from the past to want to feel the present and too numb to even want to think of a future
All because of him
I want to speak to you
Tell you everything will be okay
Tell you that he was not worthy of your love
But my tongue holds in the silent rage of my thoughts

I felt you, and reached out for you but grabbed nothing but air
That is my phantom pain

We fell in love
At the corner of heartbreak and opportunity
I could never tell which one was the stronger of the two
I think
Maybe it was you
You held it all together through a strong visage and an even thicker wall
Made of two parts mistrust and one part stress
But that didn't matter to us
We fell in love
Like love was a safe place to fall apart
So we did
We fell apart and used the glue of our resolve to keep one another together
And so we did
I no longer measure time
Because we stopped the clocks
on your bedroom wall
long ago
But if I had to
I would measure it in the times I've counted your ribs
The times I've kissed your forehead
The times I've slapped your ***
and called you beautiful
Because you are
Even though you swear up and down
that you're not
You are
Your smile brighter than the sun
So hot that it burns to the touch
Your hair the equivalent of sunshine
Not to be confused with the sun itself because remember
Those are your lips
I could equate your eyes to the ocean
but I don't want to be cliché
And because
They're actually the deepest prettiest brown I've ever seen
Every feature of you draws me in
You are a magnet
I could compare you and your features
to different beautiful things
in order to describe you more fully
But nothing could ever show just how amazing you are better than you
I play favorites with your neck
Your back is a playground for my fingers
They roam up and down your spine
With a ferocity only know by those who have drowned
My teeth nip at the flesh of your collarbone like a starved man
I breathe in your presence
And drink in the sight of you before me as if I'm a deprived alcoholic
I am addicted
Addicted to loving you

You
Are a goddess
And I am a devout follower
Your body your temple
And any space you occupy, heaven
Let me worship you
I want to use my tongue to sing hymns into your skin

You
Are a work of art
And I am an artist
Your body your canvas
Let me paint you
I want to use my hands to create something beautiful

You
Are you
And I am me
You are beautiful
in every way
I want to love you
I want to be there for you when you need me
I want your happiness to radiate through your smile whenever I'm with you
And it does
I want for someday, our goodbye's
To turn into good nights

Out of all these things that I want
The thing I want most of all
Is you

I always told myself
That watching the stars at night
Was the penultimate way
To realize just how small we are

But looking into the cosmos
of your eyes
And the nebula underneath your skin
The constellations of freckles elegantly arranged on your body
The composition of you
Is what gods are made of

You are the stardust of planets so Unfathomably far away that to look at you is to gaze upon the heavens

But You are also earthly

Your love like raging typhoons and calm ocean breezes all at once. Strong enough to level mountains yet so tender as to hold the oh so fragile hearts of men

Your mind and wit crafted like the finest diamonds, sharp enough to cut air and leave tendrils of understanding floating about

Your joy, radiant like the warmth of the sun, spreads around all you love leaving a permanent atmosphere of bliss in your wake

If there is ever a time
Where I wish to feel smaller
And ponder my own standing in this world
I will not gaze into the stars of the night
But into the vast ocean of your beautiful eyes

Sometimes
I wished god actually existed
So when I die
I can walk up to that self righteous egotistical ******* and ask just what the literal **** he thinks he is doing

Human life is such a fickle thing
We come
We go
Most of us without even being noticed by the masses

But does that matter?
In the grand scheme of things,
Does my mother overdosing on drugs
When I was only 13
******* matter?

My grandmother,
The one woman in my family I could call family and be proud to do so
Thrice stricken with cancer
On her final battle
Dying.

Does it matter?

To a stranger walking past the home she used to occupy
No, the thought of a woman who carried the weight of an entire family on her shoulders yet still taking the time to acknowledge my existence.
no
It doesn't matter to them.

But to me
To me it is everything

The memory of them fades as time goes on, but the pain is always there.
Keeping a stranglehold on a dark corner of my heart.

With You
Time is but a concept
The turning hands of the nonexistent clock on your wall
mean nothing

The minutes become hours
Hours into days
Days into weeks

I have found new ways to measure the
passing moments between us

The subtle ebb and flow of your breathing
Accompanied by the rise and fall of your chest
as if synchronous with life itself

Or maybe
I could measure it in the flutter of your eyes
as you doze into unconsciousness

The rise in temperature as i lay next to you
Holding you close as if you were the only
thing keeping me alive

The flickering flame of the candle
sitting on your dresser
dancing to the rhythm of time

With you
Time is but a concept

I always wondered about the existence of god
the one depicted as a giant floating deity in a kingdom of gold
the one shown as a praying monk in lotus formation
the fat one with elongated earlobes
Who’s to say
that any of them are god?

Who’s to say that all of them aren’t god
just perceived differently
by different individuals?
Countless men have died for their beliefs
and countless more will
such is the way
of human nature;
to corrupt all that is sacred

Love is a lot like
falling towards the earth
at terminal velocity
with no parachute
Knowing that
they are waiting
on the ground
to catch you
in a loving embrace

Recollection
the act or faculty of remembering something
the textbook definition
of memory
But what textbooks fail to realize
is that we do not recall just a memory
We don’t recall just a fragment of pain
a granule of regret
a tinge of sorrow  
Recollection is remembering
everything
at 3 a.m.
in the dark
by yourself

I love selfishly
clinging on to the I love you’s
like the only handhold on a mountain who’s incline
is negative 45 degrees
praying like a born again Christian
that somehow
I’ll make it back to the top
My hands ache with the memory of your touch
the soft of your neck and back are ingrained
into my muscle memory
only to be forgotten
when I most need the memory of you

When Poets speak of love it was only ever a word
one uttered so aimlessly about as if it carried no weight
as if it didn’t weigh down on my chest like a mountain whenever I utter your name
as if it didn’t cause my heart to race inside my ribcage
like racehorses blinded by jockeys
Love isn’t something that could even be put into words
just reactions
like how your love makes me do incredibly stupid things
and never once give thought to the consequences
how your hand leaves burning trails wherever they land
How every fiber of my natural being aches for your presence
how you permeate all of my dreams
both day
and night
To express how much you mean to me
within the confines of this paper castle
with my ink pen as a sword
and my voice a shield
to break down the brick tower around your heart
left by past lovers who have never deserved
is impossible
How does one quantitate love
in miles
in inches
in time
I could only imagine it being measured
in the amount of times the thought of you
crosses my mind
in the lengths I would go
to keep you from harm
in the hushed promises I make myself to you
Love is when you hug me so tight
our limbs meld together in an inseparable embrace
when a simple text saying
‘be safe. Love you’
jump-starts flames in my heart
like you’re a veteran mechanic
and im a rusted 1961 corvette
I once thought love was just a word
that only poets
and heartbroken artists
truly understood
until I realized it’s so much more than that

Welcome to a world where people spit evil,
Like a freight train they disintegrate your soul,
Words etched into a brick wall like lies ripped into your heart
Change you
But don’t
Keep a shield of love and hope
Over your heart
To
Mmmmmmm,
Block out the haters
And you will never see the evils of mans hearts

we raise our arms to the sky
wishing to mysterious and all powerful beings
for things we believe are out of our reach
our power
our strength to achieve
but those wishes are not granted to us from the gods
those things do not exist
they are not given
they are earned
earned by those who strive towards their wishes
those who 'will' their wants into existence
for wishes are made of the souls of their creator

I pass the time with old ragtime blues
my thoughts going back to the success of the good old beauty
America the great, the bold, the unwavering
its justice set by the terms of god giving it holy value and praise
the place that created greats like Edgar the poet
but now
now we need to warn the duke
the copper lady is akin to the harlot of Babylon
she embody's the essence of this this nation
which is now just a hollow husk of itself,
but a mere silhouette of its former glory

Swiggity swoogity
im coming for
that
boogity

I love how
the poison
of your thoughts
seeps though my veins
and infects me
with you

Eyyyyyyyy......****

I walked into a the local bar
With the simple intention
Of forgetting the past
And all of its shortcomings

My glass full of foregn toxins
That flood my body with warmth
As I inhale its contents

We do it because we have to
For the sake of existance
But not actually living

Because when the bottom of the bottle
Is all we have left to hope for
At the end of the night
We become numb
And succub to the Insanity