I'm always *******
Always overwhelmed
I wish upon stars
From way down in hell
All the dreams I once had
Were lost along the way
I can't remember and for that I'm glad
It's all worthless anyway
There's so much **** I have to do
But I'd rather lay around, getting high with you
You're no good, a lazy fool
But I'm worse and that's the truth
The love from our parents that we once knew
We find in strangers and dark blue
My love is an ocean and you're a cruise
A grandiose boat, just for two

I got lost
A long time ago
In the morning frost
Beneath the snow
The sheet of ice so delicate
From winter rain
The shell of it
It shattered right inside my chest
Sent me hurling
Lost my breath
Haven't found myself since then
Still free falling
Inside the winds
Found a place
That's nothing at all
It's ever changing
Like bathroom stalls
They're familiar
Yet all the same
I'm still falling
Still insane

You want me for one reason
I want you for a few
I make you feel alive
You give me something to do

The wishes that sleep in your heart
The thoughts that take your breath away
The words that tear your mind apart
And keep you up both night and day
The smells are like dreams from the past
And all the things we hoped would last
They shatter like the church stained glass
Catching sunlight, lying in the grass
This fragile image of ourselves
Traps is in this dismal hell
Chasing riches and boundless wealth
These lives were living, the lies we tell
I wonder if the voice has gone
The one that tells us right from wrong
Sometimes I hear it, sometimes I don't
But either way I'll always know

We only took a few hits
Didn't know I would slump like this
All wrapped up in lovers bliss
Hanging in the heat amidst
A million particles sent a drift
You always make me feel like this
Sitting low relaxed in a chair
Legs outstretched just hanging there
Eyes barely open suspended in air
Rolling backwards behind hair
Your hand hanging by your side
Melting in the moment, dripping into time
I feel the heat of the afternoon sun
Beating into me like a cicada's drum
Locking me into a lucid dream
Your eye meets mine, lazily
A single strand of hair swept down your brow
You're ******* me with your gaze, slowly now
My lips are still against your neck
Trailing down your woven web
You're creeping softly across these nerves
Knowing so easily you can make it hurt
In the haze of summer afternoons
I find the embrace under late summer moons
Sitting wordlessly by the pond
We slip away into cricket songs
Leaving only a bottle and a half bent top
Fireflies burning secret paths for the lost
Even now I close my eyes and can taste you on my tongue
I'm all wrapped up in hopeless love

I don't get it
I don't understand
You could let go
But I still can't
Nothing to grab
In my needy hands
Ash falling down upon
Burnt, barren land
The buildings are empty
The people have gone
I'm lying in the street
Inhaling the calm
A silence so loud
It violently screams
Even in your absence
I'll never be at peace
I talk as if there's something to say
I act as if you're watching
Though you've gone away
But pretense gives me purpose
And in fantasy I live
Miscellaneous items
Just a small glimpse
Spinning
Twirling
Exhaling a thought
I closed my eyes for a moment
And upon opening you were gone

I hope you're happy
But ******* too
You're better off without me
I'm too blue for you
Sometimes I dream
Of the places we've been too
The things you used to say
The things we used to do

Lets just wander
For a little while longer
I don't wanna go home
There's nothing there
No one cares
The walls are brittle bones
Intensity hangs
In the air
The rooms are holding
Their breath
For they have seen
A thousand things
They'd rather not see again

I'm a broken record dying to be played
Stranded up on a shelf
Lonely and afraid

My love is like an ocean
It's depth is unknown
I wish I knew what to say
I wish I wasn't so cold
I know my moment is far away
I'm sensible enough, I know the space
I know the distance between you and I
It exists physically but solely in my mind
There are a million ways to get to you
But time can never be removed
If my love breaks gently like waves against the shore
It will simply return to its place before
How can I learn if I can't recall what's past
Where do I find a joy that will last
I know the answers are within myself
Every feeling must be felt
Every thought has a place
Why do I numb myself so I won't have to face
The problems I just try to sleep away
The worries that settle beneath my eyes when I wake
And spread over my skin like a mask on my face
They always greet me, once again
Whether I ignore, or recognize them
Some evil things are not affected by time
They will forever remain until love is mine

The dullest of folks
Seem to come to life
When the spark of love
Appears in their eyes
A graceful glimmer
A dancing flame
Upon the mention
Of another's name
Love makes us all drunken fools
Breaking nature's unspoken rules
Placing stained glass before lucid eyes
Producing a world so colorful and bright
So very different from "black" and "white"
Love is boundless
Yet love is blind

I see you in places
I never thought I would
In buildings and streetlights
In overgrown paths through the woods
I see you in rays of sunlight
Spilling into a shadowy crevice
I see you in just about everything
Carrying you throughout all of this

There's a certain dryness
Of silent lips
Barren and uncomfortable
Chewed and licked
Words unspoken
Tasteless on tongues
Silent lips are more pleasant
Than bellowing ones

I'll pretend to love you
Keep you company for a while
I'll dump your *** on love sick's curb
When you've grown out of style
You come crawling back
On red palms and achy knees
Maybe I'm just unavailable
After the world I've seen
I'll keep you around for a while
'Till she catches on and finds out
I'll keep you around
'Till you've grown out of style

I got high one day
And never came down
Wrapped up in
The sights and sounds
Grass is greener
On the other side
But when you get there
The dreams have died
Arms stretched out
The long green lights
Shimmering softly
Hopes taking flight
I got so high
I lost sight
If anything but pretense
It doesn't apply
Sometimes I feel
Like I'm alright
But I'm stuck in a haze
Long since faded delight
I got high one day
And never came down
Wrapped up in isolation
Wearing a fragile crown
The equilibrium of this world
Is so easily thrown
And one moments riches
Are now crumbling at the throne
All these achievements
Up in smoke
Relying on fantasy
Brittle as bones

I had a dream about us
Before I said the things I did
I felt the warmth of your love
Like the sun's gentle kiss
We'd run around in the backyard
Pretending we were fish and sharks
Grandma said don't open your eyes
Rainbows dancing 'round the lights
The chlorine burned but it's fun to see
Changing shapes and warped little feet
I carried you, you carried me
Now it's all too heavy for me
Even just to drag myself
I'm always looking for someone's help
I'll never admit when I'm in need
I just get mad when no one sees
My mind is no else's to read
I should really be able to do these things
I had a dream...
Before I said...
Sunburned shoulders...
Chafed and red...
Don't open your eyes...
Be home on time...
No one else can read my mind

I want you to hug me
And smooth down my hair
In your arms the world spun
Lazily without a care

Slip into the night with me
In it's darkness we'll be hidden
Let's lay upon the soft spring grass
The nighttime air will chill our skin
My goose bumps are braille for your fingers to read
My raised scars tell my life's story
Slip into the night with me
Sometimes in the darkness
It's easier to see

Waiting for time that simply won’t pass
Stuck inside your hourglass
You’ve got me on your pocket watch chain
There’s no way out
There’s no escape
Surrounded by clocks
Sickened by their sway
Waiting for the pain
To go away

If you need to leave
I don't want you to stay
I don't need you to breathe
I'm fine anyway
Sometimes it's better to have loved and lost
To have the love be dead and gone
Than the bitter tease, you come and go
Just make up your mind so I'll know

Blind in my right eye
Alive in the night time
I wish I was alright
So I say I'm "just fine"
Voices like wind chimes
Caught up in chasing time
I take a hit, it feels sublime
Like summertime sunshine
I won't pretend I'm someone I'm not
I'm just so tired of chasing clocks
Fell asleep and missed my stop
Even now life never stops

First laugh
Never the last
Broken glass
Heart attack
Petty drama
It won't last
Just close my eyes
And wait for it to pass
Bleeding heart
****** tat
In reality
She's never coming back
Pretty girls in my eyes
Jealousy festering in my mind
Crooked smile
Quiet lies
Dancing voices
All in line
Calling softly
From the hall
Vomiting poison
In this stall
Purging for nothing
Losing it all
High school heart break
Where do I fall ?
Mocking numbers fill the page
Crystal clear clarity fades away
Mind numbing screaming
Everything seeming
So ******* easy to those far away
Throwing books upon our backs
Playing with razors and heart attack
Simple things perfect students lack
Forcing smiles and nervous laughs
Dancing, dancing to the sound
Spinning, spinning round and round
Chasing the things they want me to be
Whilst trying not to lose what's left of me

Everyone's doing something
But it's all the same
I don't want people
To know my name
For the things that others
Think is brave
I want to run
And live far away
I'm so foolish
That's what they say
These years determine my future
Permanent stains
But maybe my future
Will be different from yours
Maybe I'll find
The farthest door
And find myself
In a universe so strange
So oddly different
From these monotonous days
Maybe I'll find
A life untouched
Where I can live and let live
And take just enough
And leave the rest
For whatever's there
Living upon nothing
Only to share
If a life is lived alone
Is it really lived at all ?
A life of my own
Abandoning the call

Small between my fingers
Like dainty colored lights
Red and green like winter
Yet we’ve only touched July
I love it when we walk this way
My soul is pure
My thoughts don’t stray

We don’t have to speak to love
To be alive feels good enough
Please let’s walk just one more time
I killed the girl that crept inside
She was ugly, stupid, all she did was complain
I can’t escape the mirrors
She’s right in my face

Brandishing puppets of people I’ve known
I only see you but my fingers are cold
The game is endless yet I can’t resist
I hate when she laughs but I knew she’d win

I’ll keep on running towards the warmth of July
You’ll never see how that girl has died

I've got the hots for you
In hazy summer blues
My love is cool
Like shady afternoons
I've got you tucked away
Underneath weeping trees
I'll hide you safe
Beneath their canopy
I fell for you
Like swaying leaves
My love is cool
It's yours to keep
I found you in
The petal of a flower
We're far away
But the world is ours
I found you lying
Inside my palm
In the shallow lines
You walked along
I found you amongst
A meadow of tall grass
I searched under the sun
Till I found you at last
My love is cool
I missed you in the past
I was so incomplete
But now my heart beats fast
When you say pretty things
When you say you love me
Something flutters in my chest
I can barely breathe
And in those moments
I can't think
I can only feel
Alive on the brink
Of something so special
I just need
To feel your presence
To feel the heat
My love is cool
But you make it hot
My love will never cease
It will never stop

Sometimes I dream of a place in my mind
It doesn’t quite go with the pace of life’s time
What would I find if it took me away?
I’d find myself ending an unproductive day
Nothing means anything if it’s in your head
So just let it go and put things to rest
Think of the good things in life instead
Life’s never difficult till you’re nearly dead
I don’t want anyone to know how I feel
My feelings make sense only to strangers, who listen at will
Strangers who don’t know who I am
Strangers who come and go as they can
I never want to rely on someone
I want to throw off my shoes and run
I want the ground to harden my feet
One day no one will say I am weak

Turning the thoughts over
Again and again
Sweet, dancing lover
Trapped in my head
Slow and melancholy
Swooping low to the ground
Springing back up
To my heart beats sound
Fluttering softly
Round and round
Spiraling silently
Long, graceful bounds
Our feet fall into places
That our eyes cannot see
Avoiding eachother's faces
Ignorance like a sheath
I hated your innocence
So pure and niave
When we are dancing
I think of these things

Sunshine peeks through gray clouds
Soon after the rain
And everything seems to wake up
And become alive again
It must be raining
Inside of me
Because even when things
Are bright and sunny
I can't seem to shake
The dismal and gray
I'm caught in between
Being asleep and awake

I hold my head underwater
And take a deep breath
Waiting longer and longer
Inviting sweet death
I close my eyes and feel the pain
Of a million things I'll never say
The anxious thoughts they start to fade
As my mind starts to stray
I'll never live to see the day
That's free of anguish and endless pain
There's nothing left to loose or gain
There's no reason left to stay
There's nothing left to say
What's said is said, never goes away

Seeking them out so adamantly
Driven by the midnights heat
Each foolish time she dares to believe
That they’ll wait on her hands
And bow to her feet
She’ll give them a little
They’ll give her a lot
She’ll take up occupation
In their hearts and thoughts
She’ll talk to them in a way
They haven’t talked in a while
She’ll tell them some things
That make them smile
And show their ***** teeth
As they rush to reply
Chasing ***** images
In their disgusting minds
It’s not the money
It’s not the bags
It’s the fact that she pleases them
Like no one else can
All of them
Like the rings on her hands
Like the manicured tips
Like the golden china fans
One by one
They drop like flies
As she becomes bored
How annoyingly dry
Their humor is awful
Misogynst and objective
And so she moves on
Identity protected
A silent killer
A thief in the night
She's not his lover
She's not his wife

Sadness creeping up the spines
Empty skeletons wine and dine
Hollow chests and missing eyes
Embracing till the end of time
Carried by stardust to the afterlife
Particles shimmer and catch the light
Bones crumble ash to ash
Gone like memories of the past
The love they thought would always last
Sweeps away almost just as fast
Caught between eachother's arms
Love hidden away, safe from harm
Glowing softly amidst the dark
Never ever to drift apart

Concealed by
The smoke of confusion
You slipped away
Now I'm trapped within
This twisted delusion
Thinking that you still care
That you're still here
I know you're gone
But I can't bare
I can't handle
The very thought
So I'll just pretend
That nothings wrong

Little white squares
Tossed back and forth
Biting back swears
Tongue sharp and forked
Throat so raw
Containing words with claws
Fighting incessantly
Dangerous outlaws
Little white squares around scarred feet
When I cry
They laugh at me
Tumbling along
Pulled by the unknown
Telepathically telling me
Twisting what's shown
I want to throw them
Far away
But even from a distance
They call my name
Beckoning long
Without making a sound
Little white squares
Crinkled all around
Creased at the corners
Bent at the sides
From being handed around
Examined by spectacled eyes
Little white boxes
Always labeled the same
Without ever knowing
What they contain

Beneath the silence
Unspoken words gurgled
Like a stream over rocks
But in your eyes
The meaning smoldered
Like warm coals
And I knew instantly
You were home

I’m so happy
Not worried at all
Grateful for things
Ignoring calls
I don’t like to leave the house
Unless my stuff is getting thrown out
I’m so happy
Nothings happening
I hear laughter
Talk is sappy
Nothing hurts if I don’t feel
Next time I’ll just leave at will

Following a path
Walking aimlessly still
Clutching a staff
I don’t look down until
The root of some tree
It trips me up
Suddenly everythings so far above
You really don’t land so far when you fall
Reaching for stars and missing them all
I’ll train my hand
To be more precise
I know that I can
Look fear in the eyes
I can calmly acknowledge
That it does in fact exist
The only thing wrong with falling
Is the fear of it

In water's absence
Nothing grows
Dry and desolate
Old, brittle bones
And finally when
Clouds roll in
The land begins
To breathe again
Soaking the soil
Rich and dark
Earthy smell
Beating hearts
Awaken the roots
Underneath the ground
Peeking softly through
Without a sound
Gradually life
Returns to the plain
Following promise
Of nature raw and untame
Grazing the grass
Nesting in trees
True beauty thrives
In the absence of humanity

I'll never forget these hazy summer nights
I'll never forget the loneliness inside