This life’s so long
I just wish it would end
Before you move on
Cause you’ve seen who I am

Will you still love me
When my beauty fades
Cause I’m good for nothing
I’m weak, I’m insane

Do you still love me
I’m more than afraid
I can’t eat
I can’t sleep
I need you to stay

I try so hard
To be strong in my mind
I build myself up
Then fail every time

I keep having this dream
And I’m watching myself
Lying down in a casket
So peaceful and still

So far away from the things that I’ve done
Can’t be touched by anyone
Can’t be told I’m not good enough
Cause I’m finally dead and I’m finally gone

And all the ones that called me weak
That cut me down to meet their needs
Needed me to scoff and say
“At least I’m not living that way”

They flock to see my lifeless corpse
And poke fun one last time of course
Cause she was the worst of us all
The lowest, how dare she struggle and fall

And that confirms it, you’ve seen it first here
Watching I shudder, my very worst fear
She’s everything we said she was
A terrible daughter, always worrying us
She does it for attention
“Wait that’s not what we meant”
Your opinions don’t matter cause I’m already dead

What happened
Between then and now
Or whenever it happened
I can't figure it out
What made you decide
That I wasnt enough?
That I wasn't worth your time?
That I wasn't worth your love?
I can't keep blaming you
For the monsters in my head
They've been around for a while
But they took over when you let
They're moving things around
Re-arranging my brain
So much has happened since you've gone
So much has changed

I can't even remember the last words you said
Dead conversations
Is the message still "read"?

I thought of this off the top of my head
The wind really ***** when the light's almost dead
I turn my back or try cupping my hand
If that doesn't work, find a new place to stand
Sometimes the trees start to freak me out
Looking so alive like they'd scream and shout
If they had a voice I wonder what they'd say
"My arms are asleep and the suns in my face" ?
They must see a lot being stuck in one place
Giving us life as we take it away
I'm so greedy but it's not the same
I often see things I'd like to take
Before I reach out I feel so ashamed
There isn't much value attached to my name
I'd rather wait, there's less risk involved
Every time I take a chance I end up losing it all

Sometimes I wonder just why I forget
My thoughts hold me under I can’t catch my breath
The memories that fill up my mind instead
I’m trying my best to just replace them
I want to focus on something brand new
In this boundless world of things to do
The last thing I want is to think of you
I want to forget what we’ve been through
Maybe then it’ll be easier to float
I’ll swim away from the things I wrote
I’ll break away from the things I said
I see the surface, it hasn’t found me yet

If my thoughts consume me
I want you to know
I loved you
I loved you
I loved you so

If my thoughts consume me
And I disappear
I'll love you
I'll love you
I'll love you my dear

When my thoughts consume me
When I'm gone
My love
My love
My love will live on

Karma’s a *****
You reap what you sow
I only know this
I’m good in my soul
I always mean well
Sometimes I forget
It’s just hard to tell
When your eyes are wet
I love the sunshine
And warmth of white sand
When the tears dry
I’ll hold your hand
A thousand times
I’ve thrown you away
Even still
You choose to stay

I want everything back
But would I really trade it all?
The times we had, good and bad
I just wish I could call
You're right here but I've pushed you away
I guess there isn't much I'd change
I know I'm so impossible to love
Afraid you'll get tired
Knowing you'll give up
So I let go before you can
There's not as much pain when the blade's in my hand

This world seems to treat me
As low as I hang my head
I just can’t help feeling
Things are better left unsaid
If I choose to ruminate
Abiding by rules no one created
Only I will be the fool
Only then will I be mistaken
The best moments in life
Weren’t given much thought
And some of the worst
But at least they brought
Something to be said
And through it all
I realize everything starts with a thought
Maybe that was you and I
The same old thoughts going through my mind
If I say they are good thoughts they will be
It’s o k to miss you being apart of me

I found something that’s better than rejection
It’s turned into a quiet obsession
It started out easy
Just once in a while
Friends started leaving
Regret began to pile
I found something magical
It never gets old
It’s more important than friends or goals
I can’t stand eye contact
I do what I’m told
I’ll go as far as I have to go
I wouldn’t really say
That there’s anything wrong
But on quiet days
I have to face
Most of my friends are gone
It’s a pain that’s temporary
I won’t feel it for long
Once the magic fades away
Again the chase is on

I don’t want to be admitted again
I think I’ve just been missing my old best friend
It feels so free to be by myself
When no one can tell me I’m crazy and need help
I just tell them I’m working on things
Even if I don’t really know what that means
I’m so happy when I’m alone
When others are around it never shows
I can’t let others influence my mood
When everyone says you’re sick, what else can you do?
When everyone points the finger at you
When it’s wrong to even speak or move
Some days I just block it all out
It’s always disrespectful
Whether I’m quiet, or running my mouth

If love is something
That cannot be changed
If it can’t be misplaced
Or taken away

If love is sure
Like a tree in the ground
And old brick buildings
Unoccupied now

If love is something that can’t be seen
Existing in places far in between
Love can be a thought
Or the seasons change
Only gone when forgotten
Love has no face
It’s beauty is unexpected
And strange in a way
Going undetected
In its hidden place

Gazing into shimmering pools
And the glittering light reflected
I dream of the love I’ll find
In things often neglected

Small between my fingers
Like dainty colored lights
Red and green like winter
Yet we’ve only touched July
I love it when we walk this way
My soul is pure
My thoughts don’t stray

We don’t have to speak to love
To be alive feels good enough
Please let’s walk just one more time
I killed the girl that crept inside
She was ugly, stupid, all she did was complain
I can’t escape the mirrors
She’s right in my face

Brandishing puppets of people I’ve known
I only see you but my fingers are cold
The game is endless yet I can’t resist
I hate when she laughs but I knew she’d win

I’ll keep on running towards the warmth of July
You’ll never see how that girl has died

Call me Betsy
See if I give a ****
Haha let’s see
Where you’ll end up
If I outlast you
It’ll be quite fun
It probably won’t happen
So you’re in luck
You better pray
The decisions not mine
I’ll choose the ******* place I can find

I love the way, even on your busiest days
You still find the words, at least something to say
You always swoop in when I’m at my worst
Like everything I’ve ever been searching for
When I’m with you it doesn’t feel bad to cry
And even still the tears won’t leave my eyes
I just get so hung up on your thoughts
Secretly wishing to know them all
The mystery will always draw me in
Old to you, new to me, it’s always been

I’m not uptight
Just afraid to be a human
What wrong what’s right
What should I be doing
What is natural
And what’s deemed odd
I follow the patterns though
I’m still not as strong
As people who are confident
And know what to say
People who have lots of friends
And don’t stare at the wall all day
I know I can break out of this
I just get so afraid
It’s easier to stay within
So the feelings won’t escape

I want to die

By a fist to the face

So forceful I fly

Into the abyss of space

I want someone to punch me

As hard as they can

If my nose gets ******

It may spray on their hand

They can’t be squeamish

Or hold back

Just know that I need this

Make my world turn black

I want the bones in my face to break

I want the teeth in my mouth to cave

All I’m really trying to say

Is I hope I die in an awful way

I hate any man
That looks me in the eye
In the lobby as we stand
In darkness as we lie
I despise any man
That pinches my hip
A wretched hand groping past raw, silent lips
I hate the man who thinks he must be the one
Upon my thoughts non stop when it’s all said and done
Darling don’t you know you aren’t in control of me?
Darling don’t you know I’m darker than your darkest deed?
Darling don’t you know your ******* just won’t last?
Once I’ve gotten what I need another fool has passed
Darling don’t you know those nasty hands around my throat?
They’ll beg and plead and pinch my hips
Baby please don’t go

I was once told

Everything starts with a thought

It was me that let go

But now that it’s done

It suddenly hurts

The emotionless divide

I’m not like her

But God knows I tried

I know you deserve

So much better than me

You say I don’t mean it

But it’s plain to see

I am dramatic

And I tell lies

What’s worse than having

A daughter despite

Everything right that you tried to do

Just turn into a monster and betray you

I don’t care what you think of me

If it’s good, if it’s bad

I can’t separate the feelings

Each one carries an expectation it seems

I had no dreams

Just who you wanted me to be