Oh God what have I done
What happened to everyone?
In the fog of my own brain
They simply slipped away
It's gotta be my fault
Was it something I said?
I miss them all so much
I miss all my old friends
I swear I'll buy this time
Let's all hang out again
I swear I'll even drive
Don't leave me high and dry
God I miss my friends
Can't stop wondering why

The moon sung a song
In the form of stars
Stretching across the sky
So vast and far
In a voice so thin
Particles of space debris
Flew through the hoops
Of Saturn's rings
Light was the sound
Like a comet's tail
Pretty and white
As a wedding veil
The moon sang a song
Every night
And showered the land
In musical light

The box was heavy
Wooden and worn
I opened the lid
It's dust was torn
Creaking on its hinges
It revealed a girl
Coming to existence in music
And a slow, sad twirl
Churning out the melancholy tune
She went round and round
Reminding me of you
When the song was over
And she ceased to spin
I shut my eyes
And closed the lid

Blushing velvet underneath your eyes
Shimmering, soft lovers disguise
Cool stained glass and lavender skies
You say hello but your eyes say goodbye
Rose petals flutter atop of skin
Like the love we're wrapped up in
I close my eyes and dream of the kiss
But you'll never relieve my lonely lips
I lose hold of this false innocence
I can't pretend we're still just kids
You've blossomed into forbidden fruit
But I'm still hopelessly in love with you

If you need to leave
I don't want you to stay
I don't need you to breathe
I'm fine anyway
Sometimes it's better to have loved and lost
To have the love be dead and gone
Than the bitter tease, you come and go
Just make up your mind so I'll know

In water's absence
Nothing grows
Dry and desolate
Old, brittle bones
And finally when
Clouds roll in
The land begins
To breathe again
Soaking the soil
Rich and dark
Earthy smell
Beating hearts
Awaken the roots
Underneath the ground
Peeking softly through
Without a sound
Gradually life
Returns to the plain
Following promise
Of nature raw and untame
Grazing the grass
Nesting in trees
True beauty thrives
In the absence of humanity

Everything I touch
Turns into worthless dust
Everything I create
Just wants to hide away
So hideously disfigured
So disgustingly afraid
Everything I create
Is a mirror of my face
Cracked down to my soul
I'm six feet in this hole
Underneath all my mistakes
And the ****** things I create

Missing those days
Back when seasons never changed
Every week was the same
In it's pattern I felt safe
Downward spiral
Sadness is viral
Unbound my skin from a leather back bible
Brushing shoulders with strangers
Embracing uncertain danger
Empty lighters and wire coat hangers
In love with the knowledge that this moment could be the end
There's so many people, yet none to call "friend"
Alone in this world
Yet everything's mine
Caught up in the storm
Unable to fly

I’ll never mean anything to you
And that shouldn’t matter to me
Sometimes it really is the truth
That’s so hard to believe
If I don’t take hold of these things
They will drift away
The words that burn like cuts and sting
They bother me everyday
I’m the only one who can believe in me
What can anyone else say
I always feel lonely
But I push everyone away
No one loves unconditionally
Except Mary Jane

There's no fast forward
I can't find the rewind
I have no control
Over time as it flies
And when I'm in agony
It simply won't pass by
Slowing to a crawl
Dragging out my silent cries
Seems life's a series
Of fast paced slow motion
Before I can even reach out
I've lost a thousand moments
And when I finally decide
To give up on catching time
Something beautiful occurs
Before my very eyes

When you smile
It takes my breath away
Could you have been alive
Before today?
How could perfection
Like you exist?
I'll never tell you
I'm feeling like this
Let's go to Paris
Set adrift on love
Even if the boat tips
I'll never give you up
I love your orange flare
I love your short brown hair
With you everything's so clear
In your gentleness I'm ensnared
You're like powdered sugar
Sweet and light
Hidden in a jar
A secret delight
Yellow hot air balloons overhead
Lazily taking flight
Baskets tumbling down to earth
Cool dusk air inside
I'm so glad to have met you now
Mademoiselle Madeline

I want to hold your sleepy hand
And kiss your sleepy eyes
I want to lay on dying grass
And look up at the sky
I long for drives down moonlit roads
Going places no one ever goes
I want that something that you give
The one need not be explained
A silent gift
I want that nothing that you give
It's everything to me
It's why I live

The cold, lonesome pistol lay in the dresser drawer
Sadness rolled in, like bullets under the door
The **** turned like it had a thousand times before
An old, familiar creak rose from the weathered floor
Harsh words pushing forward like a bitter winter's wind
Shaky hands open the drawer and put the bullets in
Eyes wide
Heart racing
Feeling alive
Despite facing
The very thing
That brings relief
No second thoughts
Gone in a blink

I see you in places
I never thought I would
In buildings and streetlights
In overgrown paths through the woods
I see you in rays of sunlight
Spilling into a shadowy crevice
I see you in just about everything
Carrying you throughout all of this

I love you to the moon and back
You're my favorite heart attack

I hate you I wish you were dead
You're a parasite digging in my head
You use your claws to pull my strings
I go insane, fingers pointing at me
No one sees you behind the scenes
They just see me going crazy
You're a demon freed from hell
Im a yolk inside your shell
Just **** me please put me to rest
Or will you torture me instead
I've never felt this violent before
Over someone who I used to adore
**** me in the most painful way
Cut out my tongue and the ****** taste
And I'll never lie again
I'm sorry for the things I said

I'll never tell another soul
I'll never give the trust away
I wish you would just take me whole
Confide in me like an empty page
A thousand words in black ink's stain
As the thoughts wax and wane
I'll never find the words to say
I just want things to stay the same
But we can't stop the seasons change
Or the moons gentle phase
We can't change our parents' ways
Or the pain that radiates
But in this moment we have the reigns
I could never make you stay
There's freedom that can't be taken away
It keeps us hopeful for a new day
It's the freedom that keeps us young and alive
Without the call we'd surely die
With nothing but what's set ahead
We'd both be better off dead
Maybe that's why we do the things we do
Getting drunk and breaking rules

My words mean nothing

They come from nowhere

So if I am talking

Just pretend I’m not there

The things that I say

They don’t make sense

They come from a place

That’s confused and distressed

All I want to do

Is say the right thing

My thoughts are strange

They don’t belong to me

It’s easier with you

To just erase my mind

After all this time

I’ve kind of been trained

To put on a mask

Smile

And lie through the pain

Panic filling
Up my chest
Gasping for air
Can't catch my breath
Has all oxygen left
The atmosphere ?
I'm screaming yet
No one can hear
The sound of agony
Crawling up my throat
Residing in
My very soul

And they say we're rude
But we're shaking in our shoes
Anxious "Hellos" and "Goodbyes"
Quivering lips dribbling "Thank you's"
And endless "I'm sorry's"
For breaking outdated unspoken rules
In old, weathered eyes
We're just young, disrespectful fools
You had your struggles
We have ours
Now you sit and nitpick
While our world's still vast and far
From waitresses juggling plates
To secretaries scheduling dates
Please be patient, just wait
In this moment, we're carrying all we can take

No one understands you
And you can't understand why
So you sit and flail and throw a fit
You scream up at the sky
You ask why you're even hear
You wish you weren't alive
You call each and every one of us
You look to your daughters to cry
I hate to say this
I really do
But just..I mean.. look at you
You abandoned your children
Stood back as they grew
And played the victim when they turned on you
Not that they betrayed you to begin with
You pushed them beyond their boundless limits
You've hurt them more than you'll ever know
You say you've paid for your mistakes tenfold
I'm not here to ridicule or judge
But our grandmother is old and she's had enough
You're acting like a girl my age
You really are a waste of space
All the things you say about yourself
They'll always be true
Until you get up
Until you make the move
I know you're hurting
I know you are
It's the reason you've destroyed yourself
Why you're falling apart
Your desperate cries fell upon deaf ears
When you needed them they were nowhere near
When help finally came it was way too late
You were so far gone, in a manic state
But people with pasts so much worst than yours
People who have trudged through disasters and wars
But then again what's an arrow to a bear?
You're just a rabbit, bleeding there
All I see are two girls that need love
And a foolish woman who needs to grow up
A mentally ill woman who needs to get help
A is for addict
And addiction is hell

I get so dizzy when you hold my hand
Tottering like a vessel bound to foreign land
I feel the creeping along my anxious spine
Of the thoughts of us together, just you and I
We'll be so lost the world can't see
The loose ends, the worries, the oddities
You're so far away but I'll see you soon
Tip toeing delicately across the moon
We'll follow eachother endlessly
In a silent chase
'Till we find the dark side
And turn into space

I lied
But you lied worse
You cried
But my wounds still hurt
I loved
And you loved too
I tried to keep my distance
Till there wasn't any room
Our love was forced together
I was completely lost in you
But that was just a moment
In this deep, dark blue

African sunshine
Blacken my skin
African sunshine
Feeds melanin
I won't be ashamed
Of where my roots lie
I'll embrace the color
Of African sunshine

I'm tired of being taken advantage of
I'm tired of ******* thinking they're in love
I wish everyone would just shut the **** up
Just for a moment so I can hear my thoughts
I'm tired of acting like I care
Life's a ***** and it's never fair
Everyone wants a shoulder to cry
But no ones there for me, so why should I?
Lately I'm just so out of line
Didn't know kicking back was a ******* crime
It's just like poker or a glass of wine
So much *******, I stay red eyed
**** the fakes
Tall grass and snakes
I try to shake the resentment and hate
I stay red eyed
It's all I can take
Or else I'll loose it, then it's too late

It all seems like a blur to me now
Awash in the euphoria of being found
Lately all I can think about
Is how cold it is here on the ground
I haven't gotten up since you left me here
Limbs tangled in vines
Flowers growing in my hair

The love I've lost haunts me like a broken hearted ghost
She's mourning something terrible, forlorn wails and moans
The love I've lost follows me leaving a trail of miserable tears
It's keeping the one who loves me now from coming anywhere near

All these demons will soon become ghosts
When we're talking they hurt the most
You're deteriorating, everyone knows
How much longer, how many hopes
I'm running from these shadows
Balancing on doubt
Sometimes I wish I'd never figured it out
I'm hoping and praying that these are just thoughts

Cause when you leave me I'll really be lost

Your words reminded me
Of things I couldn't believe
All those years it seemed
Everything was just a dream
Tried to be pretty
Tried to be clean
But everyone saw right through me
Caught in the illusion
Dancing through reality
Lost in the confusion
The wicked schemes
And through it all nothing's real it seems
Just the thoughts, the visions
The rest is heat
Lost to mysteries down desert roads
And summer night's breeze
Caressing sails of boats

The drugs make me eat
And then fall asleep
The things that I need
To stay on repeat
And say the same things
To contribute to this thing
That everyone else does
To chase the blue's and green's
And never give up

I shouldn't have picked up when you called last night

I should have remembered when we had the last fight

I should have said no, we were both high

But you painted stars on my midnight sky

For a moment I'd forgotten the galaxies of your embrace

The tingling beneath my skin, blasting off into space

I feel your breath shrouding against my face

You smell like cigarettes and aftershave

You touch me and I feel like a queen

The stretch marks, the imperfections, you truly love me

There's scabs on your knuckles and a cut under your eye

But you're so gentle now, in this moment in time

Your hand leaves the blanket and finally finds mine

It's completely dark, aside from the moonlight's shine

Hair pulled back
Head-achingly tight
Make up painted on
Smoky black around her eyes
There's nothing she's really looking for
Under her foolish disguise
Just someone to lay with
To help her forget the darkness of night

And I hate how beautiful
God allowed you to be
He left no error
Lines drawn with ease
Every mistake
Flawlessly erased
Leaving to us
Undesirable traits

I'm dying for a "happy" ending
In which I dont exist
Dying for an ending
Where I escape all of this

Close your eyes
Make it true
Say I'll never
Find another like you

Curse this heart that beats for me
And this brain that refuses to think
What a shame
A waste of space
Curse this life
Curse this name

There's a certain dryness
Of silent lips
Barren and uncomfortable
Chewed and licked
Words unspoken
Tasteless on tongues
Silent lips are more pleasant
Than bellowing ones

I wish I could kiss you
Just one more time
And taste the sin
Between your lips and mine
I wish I could touch you
And see your face
But you're long gone
You're far away
I'll never forget
Just how you taste
It was so unique
And when I lay
Perfectly still
And close my eyes
Your lips again
Rest upon mine

When everything’s fine
These little webs
They’re pulling at me
All the time
Wrapped around my legs
Stuck to my arms
These little webs
Grow from my heart
And wrap me up
In a crazy mess
A tangled muddle
Of hopeless sadness
What would I be?
Without these webs?
Surely I’d still
Never find happiness
I’d be unwound
For the world to see
I like these webs
They make me
*Me