I love you to the moon and back
You're my favorite heart attack

I smile at all the wrong things
I hum along while everyone sings
I've got cuts on my fingers and scars on my knees
Lonely aliens trapped amongst human beings

I won't think about you
And all the time we shared
I won't think about how I sat by the window
Wondering if you still cared
Only to be assured
By all of your empty lies
The ones I swore I'd never believe
The ones on which I relied
If it weren't for these meds
I'd still be able to cry
The image of you standing before me
Forever in my lonely mind
I promise it's not your fault
Anyone else would have moved on
I won't think about you anymore
I've done it for so long

I'll ask you a question
The answer ingrained in my mind
Just to hear your voice
Just to see you smile

It's no fun
To meet up anymore
I'm a broken record
A revolving door
I say anything
You want me to say
If you put me somewhere
I swear I'll stay
I'm an empty cup
Waiting to be filled
I take and take
Then tip over and spill
I'm that last leaf
On a tree in the fall
Everyone's moved on
But I'm scared of it all
It's no fun
To meet up anymore
The girl you know is gone
I'm a vacant lifeless corpse

I swore I heard my name
Called quietly behind
But turning to see empty space
I began to realize
Maybe it was
The quiet itself
Knowing how lonely
It is in this hell
Maybe just maybe
It called out my name
To let me know
That it feels the same

Sitting on your bedroom floor
We opened our minds and closed the door
Opening up a crumpled foil
In porcelain boats we abandoned the shore
Sailing whirlpool seas, setting out to explore
These dizzy brains stuck in our heads
That whisper things
We wish we were dead
Time dripping like candle wax
Twitching oxygen in laughing gas
Snow angels in clothes on the floor
The world warps into a meadow of answers
A collection of open doors

How beautiful it is
The ability to live
Diving into pools
Of papers and clips
Hissing serpents slithering up the wall
Shape shifting into watchful owls
Soft beckoning calls
Water spilling in through cracks
Freezes in ice, cool and black
Thawing into toxic waste
Trembling numbers and calendar dates
Escaping my body through bursted stitches
I can still remember your name

Thunder booming
All around
The perfect cover
For our sound
Gentle rain
Falling on our lips
In between
Every fervent kiss
Wrapped up in
The warm gentle winds
Hungry fingers
Graze lonely skin

I was afraid of your fingers
Crawling in my hair
Like silent spiders
Lurking there
I was afraid of your voice
So deep and low
It was the only thing
That let me know
You were still alive
Lying at my side
I swore you were dead
Most of the time
I was so deathly afraid
Of everything you did
But most of all
I was afraid that you'd dip
And leave me here
All alone
Abandoned by fear
An empty home
I was so afraid
To displease you
That I did everything
You asked me to do
And gradually
I fell in love
With the very fear
Provoked by your touch
But just as I went
To reach out my hand
And grab hold of you
You suddenly vanished
And left me alone
With these dreary thoughts
Without that fear
I've become so lost

Blood dripping
From my nose
Vibrant red
Like a blooming rose
Bruises spreading
Under my skin
Like water color paints
Or an oil spill
Trembling electricity
Fills my limbs
Waiting for the invisible
To strike again
But the worst torture
Among them all
Is when mirrors
Form from walls
And I see
The mess you've made
Of a girl who said
She'd never be this way

The moon sung a song
In the form of stars
Stretching across the sky
So vast and far
In a voice so thin
Particles of space debris
Flew through the hoops
Of Saturn's rings
Light was the sound
Like a comet's tail
Pretty and white
As a wedding veil
The moon sang a song
Every night
And showered the land
In musical light

The lights flicked on
One by one
They were so bright
Like a thousand suns
Closer and closer
Row by row
Knowing they were coming
My body froze
And finally the light
Poured down upon me
A mess of life
I couldn't speak
I couldn't move
It hurt so bad
Frantically looking
For a thought to grab
But it simply doesn't
Work that way
And the light just wouldn't
Go away
And suddenly an arena
Was built around me
I was on display
For all to see
A disgustingly pathetic
Reclusive freak
Their laser eyes blinking
In robotic sync
I'm hunching over
Head against my knees
Hoping to disappear
From these awful things
But such luck
Just won't come my way
So I'll suffer and suffer
Day by day
No one knows
Just what it's like
To have a hole
So big and wide
Right in the center
Of your heaving chest
Bloodying everything
You cherish best
A hole for wicked hands
To reach inside
And rip out everything
That keeps you alive
So I'll keep looking
For another soul
With stains of blood
Upon their clothes
And when I do
I'll reveal my own
The tragic flaw
That the anxious hold

What you meant
And what you said
Unanswered questions
Fill my head
I feel so breathless
When I'm with you
Yet life's so easy
So what should I do?
Should I stay and succumb
To this fluttering in my chest
Or lay this youthful fling
To a cold, dead rest?
What you said
And what you meant
I'll leave to the stars
And hope for the best

If you're happy one day
And you don't know why
I swear I'll be smiling
Right by your side
If your tears won't stop falling
Like lonely raindrops from the sky
I swear I'll do anything
To make you smile

Curse this heart that beats for me
And this brain that refuses to think
What a shame
A waste of space
Curse this life
Curse this name

Creeping silently out the front door
Inhaling the hazy summer night's air
Looking for excitement, maybe more
Shuffling down old porch stairs
Underneath the lamp post's light
The exhilaration hidden in the night
Like a swift wind we stole away
Looking for trouble masked by day

We raced the sunset
'Till the end of the earth
And jumped off the ledge
In a starry burst
It was pure ecstasy
To fall so free
And disappear
In an eye's blink
We became constellations
For the world to see
Passion glowing so bright
In bluish heat

After all the love I had to give
I would have never thought it'd end like this

Waiting for time that simply won’t pass
Stuck inside your hourglass
You’ve got me on your pocket watch chain
There’s no way out
There’s no escape
Surrounded by clocks
Sickened by their sway
Waiting for the pain
To go away

I think it takes a few of my bones
To keep them all together
Maybe they're just hanging on their own
Maybe it's a joint effort
It feels like they're crumbling beneath my skin
When I'm feeling under the weather
Why do I keep doing this to myself?
Why is it so easy to forget her?

I carried on for quite some time
With the thought of you nestled within my mind
So blissfully unaware of the bitter truth
You had long since left me far behind
I'm slowly becoming a landmark
On our overgrown path
A dying tree, solemn and silent
A boulder among the tall grass
One others can come and go from
Or simply walk past
Everyone wants someone
To call their very own
Everyone longs for someone
Who won't leave them alone
Now you're gone
And all I know
Is that when I was with you
I was home

And I'm so sorry for pushing you away
All I ever wanted was for you to stay

The season's change
Has crept up on me
Far more quickly
Than I'd like to believe
Already brittle
And not as green
Waving goodbye
In fallen leaves
Soon it'll be fall
Then a blanket of snow
And finally summer again
Before we know

I've got these ****** things in my brain
No one really knows that I'm insane
Cause they don't really listen to what I'm saying
But it gets worse
Day by day
As the ******* I spew
Becomes more concerning
And those around me
More discerning
I just can't
Keep it in
Cover your eyes
Don't listen

Who gives a ****
If it makes her sad
You'll come back around
And she'll be glad

There'll always be someone better
Makes it so easy to just forget her

You pull my strings
I move in sync
Tell me what to say
Tell me what to think

Drinking down words I never said
All alone with the thoughts in my head

I wonder what's at
The end of the road
The squiggling heat
A portal to the untold
But drawing near
As the tires roll
It disappeares
A world unknown

The cold, lonesome pistol lay in the dresser drawer
Sadness rolled in, like bullets under the door
The **** turned like it had a thousand times before
An old, familiar creak rose from the weathered floor
Harsh words pushing forward like a bitter winter's wind
Shaky hands open the drawer and put the bullets in
Eyes wide
Heart racing
Feeling alive
Despite facing
The very thing
That brings relief
No second thoughts
Gone in a blink

I'm hating myself
And I bet you're hating me too
If I can't love me
How can you ?

I can't erase
The messy white lines
I can't erase them
Even if I tried
In fact I like them
So for the last time
Please don't ask me
If I'm alright

You want me for one reason
I want you for a few
I make you feel alive
You give me something to do

And with eyes on palms
I'll make it through
And find my way
Through the darkness to you