Call me Betsy
See if I give a ****
Haha let’s see
Where you’ll end up
If I outlast you
It’ll be quite fun
It probably won’t happen
So you’re in luck
You better pray
The decisions not mine
I’ll choose the ******* place I can find

If you want me to leave
Then why would you tell me to stay
Don’t try and confuse me
You know that’s that **** I hate
I can’t wait till summer
When I can sleep outside
The sound of crickets chirping
A switchblade between my thighs
You know if I left
It would be the last time
So just let me go
If all I’m good for is lies

I’m not uptight
Just afraid to be a human
What wrong what’s right
What should I be doing
What is natural
And what’s deemed odd
I follow the patterns though
I’m still not as strong
As people who are confident
And know what to say
People who have lots of friends
And don’t stare at the wall all day
I know I can break out of this
I just get so afraid
It’s easier to stay within
So the feelings won’t escape

I wish I was dead
I don’t want to breath
I guess I can’t stand
The responsibilities
You have to do this
You have to do that
All I’ve ever wanted
Is to not feel so bad
I just shut down
I don’t need you in my life
I miss when we used to hug and say goodnight
Now I just fall into this dreamless sleep
I miss you so much I don’t want to breathe

I found something that’s better than rejection
It’s turned into a quiet obsession
It started out easy
Just once in a while
Friends started leaving
Regret began to pile
I found something magical
It never gets old
It’s more important than friends or goals
I can’t stand eye contact
I do what I’m told
I’ll go as far as I have to go
I wouldn’t really say
That there’s anything wrong
But on quiet days
I have to face
Most of my friends are gone
It’s a pain that’s temporary
I won’t feel it for long
Once the magic fades away
Again the chase is on

If I had to write a letter
To tell you why I’m gone
If I knew it would make things better
When I’m finally moving on
If I could find the words to say
I’m sorry and I want to change
But I don’t want to change for you
I really want to want it too
I know it starts with saying that
I want the relationship we once had
I miss you so much I can’t feel it now
I say this though I hear the sound
Of lawnmowers humming
On one of the hottest days
That started out dewy, and cloudy, and gray

I’m done with wishing

It’s gotten me nowhere

I’m done just existing

Standing silently there

There are more ways to be present

Than being mindlessly loud

I don’t want to feel restless

Wondering how I look, and sound

Wishes are empty

What does it mean

To promise someone something

You only had within a dream

I don’t want to know

And I don’t want to see

I don’t want to hear

How cowardly of me