I’m done with wishing

It’s gotten me nowhere

I’m done just existing

Standing silently there

There are more ways to be present

Than being mindlessly loud

I don’t want to feel restless

Wondering how I look, and sound

Wishes are empty

What does it mean

To promise someone something

You only had within a dream

I don’t want to know

And I don’t want to see

I don’t want to hear

How cowardly of me

My words mean nothing

They come from nowhere

So if I am talking

Just pretend I’m not there

The things that I say

They don’t make sense

They come from a place

That’s confused and distressed

All I want to do

Is say the right thing

My thoughts are strange

They don’t belong to me

It’s easier with you

To just erase my mind

After all this time

I’ve kind of been trained

To put on a mask

Smile

And lie through the pain

I want to die

By a fist to the face

So forceful I fly

Into the abyss of space

I want someone to punch me

As hard as they can

If my nose gets ******

It may spray on their hand

They can’t be squeamish

Or hold back

Just know that I need this

Make my world turn black

I want the bones in my face to break

I want the teeth in my mouth to cave

All I’m really trying to say

Is I hope I die in an awful way

I was once told

Everything starts with a thought

It was me that let go

But now that it’s done

It suddenly hurts

The emotionless divide

I’m not like her

But God knows I tried

I know you deserve

So much better than me

You say I don’t mean it

But it’s plain to see

I am dramatic

And I tell lies

What’s worse than having

A daughter despite

Everything right that you tried to do

Just turn into a monster and betray you

I don’t care what you think of me

If it’s good, if it’s bad

I can’t separate the feelings

Each one carries an expectation it seems

I had no dreams

Just who you wanted me to be

This world seems to treat me
As low as I hang my head
I just can’t help feeling
Things are better left unsaid
If I choose to ruminate
Abiding by rules no one created
Only I will be the fool
Only then will I be mistaken
The best moments in life
Weren’t given much thought
And some of the worst
But at least they brought
Something to be said
And through it all
I realize everything starts with a thought
Maybe that was you and I
The same old thoughts going through my mind
If I say they are good thoughts they will be
It’s o k to miss you being apart of me

Following a path
Walking aimlessly still
Clutching a staff
I don’t look down until
The root of some tree
It trips me up
Suddenly everythings so far above
You really don’t land so far when you fall
Reaching for stars and missing them all
I’ll train my hand
To be more precise
I know that I can
Look fear in the eyes
I can calmly acknowledge
That it does in fact exist
The only thing wrong with falling
Is the fear of it

Karma’s a *****
You reap what you sow
I only know this
I’m good in my soul
I always mean well
Sometimes I forget
It’s just hard to tell
When your eyes are wet
I love the sunshine
And warmth of white sand
When the tears dry
I’ll hold your hand
A thousand times
I’ve thrown you away
Even still
You choose to stay