Is it that hard to be loyal?

You say, "I love you" to me,
when you are happy..

but you say that I don't deserve you,
when you are mad.

You say that I am beautiful,
when you are happy.

but you say that you could do so much better than me,
when you are sad.

You say "I miss you" to me,
when you are happy.

but you say "leave me alone I couldn't care less about you",
when you are mad.

You say that it's hard to find someone like me in this day and age,
when you are happy,

but you also say...
that I make your life harder,
that I always seem to **** up,
that you should leave me,
that you don't find happiness in me,
that what is standing between our relationship and goodbye is a single mistake from me,
that a single moment can change everything,


so what is it you love, miss, and find beautiful about me?
so what is it you deserve more than my best that I gave you?
so what is that I can improve to make you find happiness in me if all of it is subjective and arbitrary to you?

so why do you say "I love you"
when you are happy

but never,  "they can never make me leave you"
when you are sad?

why do you say "I miss you"
when you are happy,

but never, "I need you"
when you are sad?

why do you say "you are mine"
when you are happy,

but never make feel like you are here to stay?

..

We are out here
trying to make it out of
whatever we think
we need to try to make it out of,

will we ever reach
where we think
we need to reach,
if we are never
where we need to be?

I don't know what is easier,
staying in a burning house,
or watching it burn.

I feel like a prisoner
amid all the chaos
that defines the parameters of my life,

Entangled in battles that aren’t mine,
when I can barely find the strength to fight my own.

Enforcing silence upon
all the oppression I have endured,

Feeling like a therapist with confidentiality clauses
constantly being shoved down my throat,

except no law is binding me to stay silent,
but there is simply no one to vent to.

Is this how you want to write our story?

Is that how you want to define our love?

Are those the parts you want to hold on to, stronger than you hold onto me?

Are you happier with these thoughts you prisoned in your head?

Is this

Is that how you want to end our story?

My dear
the future
is new,
it's the unknown
that you probably want to explore,
so go ahead,
move on,
move forward,
live for the present
and reach for what's awaiting you,
leave all behind
that belongs
to the past
and the gone,
be one with the wind,
let it move you
as if your entities
were made of sand,
scatter into
what's meant for you
and who's the one for you.