Deeee

Deeee Jul 30

There's a part of me, a place inside me
That I have tried and tried and tried to fix.
I have wrapped it in bandages, casted it in plaster
Stitched it up, applied all the salves

I have tried and tried as well, to ignore it.
Ignore the stench, ignore the ache
Ignore the crippling cold it spreads within me

I have tried, and tried... and tried to accept it.
To embrace it, and love it...

But I cannot understand it, I cannot control it.
I cannot even see it, nor describe it.

It is there, as it has always been.
I know not what to do with it.
I know not what it is.

But it is there.

Deeee Jul 30

Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder what my life is really about.
No... I lie. I wonder that often.

I wonder that very often.

I wonder if I'm one of a batch, that the Creator threw together.
I wonder if time was taken, if my Creation was intricate.
I wonder if I'm a reincarnation, if this is my nth time here.

I wonder who I am.

A child of my parents, a descendant of my ancestors.
An individual, a particular entity.
A mind, a soul.

I wonder what I'll leave behind.

Advancement, guidance.
Mischief, destruction.
Nothing?

Love?

Deeee May 2023

The day you break my heart

I feel like the day you break my heart
Will be monumental
It will be a threshold in my life
How I handle all of it, process it
Where it finds me and leaves me

The incredible ease with which our talks flow
Like we have the same scripts
The way your eyes cut through me like a hot knife in butter
The way your voice rings through me like the chimes in the pipes of an *****

I am convinced I am dreaming
A lucid dream from a hit I don't remember taking
I'm not sure sometimes that you're the same one in reality
If you just carry the face of the man in my mind

So I'm waiting for the day
The day you break my heart
But until then.....
Leave nothing behind.

Deeee Mar 2023

I tried

I tried to write today.

Instead I cried.

To be more honest, I clasped my hands together so tight that I could've broken my knuckles. I squeezed my eyelids together till I could almost feel my eyeballs pop into my brain.
No tears came.

I tried.

I really tried.

But all I got was deep dry heaving and bruised knees because I suddenly lost all the strength in them.
I choked on nothing.
I opened my mouth wide, but my voice box remained sealed.

Nothing. Came.

Deeee Feb 2023

Home

I've been to many places
I've been around many people
I've been many people

I worry that I may lose sight one day
Maybe I already have
Maybe I am nobody
Maybe I am nowhere

Some places still feel like home
Some things still feel like home
Some people still feel like home

That must mean that I still know what home feels like
What it smells like
What it looks like
Who it looks like

I still know where home is

Deeee Nov 2022

What, my love, shall I do?

Oh, my love
What shall I do with you?

My magical dust
My mythical king
My dreamland prince.

My love...
How shall I live with you?
my death.
How shall I live without you?
my breath.

My love, oh my love...
What shall I do with you?

Deeee Apr 2022

I miss you

I miss you

So much that sometimes it burns.
Sometimes it feels like the void of you will **** me someday.
On the days I am graced with silence, it's still too loud.

It's so

*******

loud

I wish I could call out to you...
Like some signal.
Reach you...
Like a sonar

I wish I could be with you.
I wish I could stop thinking about you.

No

I just wish...

...I could love you.